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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 18:44

I like baking.
I would make them cakes.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 18:44

Great post bear

SilverBirch2015 · 23/03/2015 18:48

Possibly, even after being a feminist for 50 years, I may have been unwilling to put my DP into that position or stand-up to the gang of 19. Subjugating myself to conform to the status quo, even though I'm not the main cook at home or at least pretend it was me that cooked it. I like to think I may not have, but not so sure I could.

This maybe why some of us are saying "way to go" to what the rude new woman texted.

JillyR2015 · 23/03/2015 19:14

Good post from bear. Those of us who have jobs which out earn the men and more important work than the men have (man women these days) of course don't have time for cooking for colleagues of men and would not want to reinforce gender roles which is a morally pernicious thing to do.

For the good of your daughters and other women refuse to do this and refuse to do things like cricket teas. It's very important otherwise women will never rise to the top.

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 19:19

Jilly - even if you actually quite like cooking and would like to do it you shouldn't for the sake of womankind? I don't think that's what bear was saying.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 19:23

Imearn significantly less than my DH.
But I still think It would be unfair for me to be expected to be part of this cooking circle by virtue of being his wife.
Is it only the high earning women who are allowed not be treated as skivvies?

ilovesooty · 23/03/2015 19:25

It's nothing to do with how much you earn.

SilverBirch2015 · 23/03/2015 19:40

About to put the cat amongst the pigeons here I know.

There has been a lot of talk on this thread about its OK if women enjoy cooking. I think for some women this enjoyment can be an area of concern. Why are they getting pleasure from cooking? Is it because they like the approval of others, is it because it affirms them as a woman in some way, do they need some tangible act to prove they are "properly" caring for their partner, DC or friends. Cooking because it is a satisfying and creative process in itself feels fine to me, but there is also a lot of sexist baggage around women feeling they enjoy or are better at some traditionally feminine household chore.

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 19:42

Would you question a man enjoying cooking in the same way?

OrlandoWoolf · 23/03/2015 19:44

From the OP

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken

I do wonder how many enjoy the cooking? Or see it as a necessary evil?

Are women expected to enjoy cooking and seen as "being unfemale" if they don't enjoy it?

SilverBirch2015 · 23/03/2015 19:47

Possibly, particularly if they are using it to affirm they are wondrously contributing to the household chores or flashing their manliness at at BBQ.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 19:48

Well, according to jilly it doeshave something to do with how much you earn.

And yes bumble I would question a man because of course men have been subject to sexual oppression since the dawn of time.
And this is not about enjoying cooking.
Its about beng expected to cook for the men folk.
How many women do you see crowded around a bbq drinking beer/ wine and shuffling steaks around?
almost none. Because it seems that women enjoy spending two days in the kitchen preparing salads, sides and puds on a hot summer's day while the men slave over hot coals.

Christinayang1 · 23/03/2015 19:48

perhaps the op should share the joy of cooking with her dh, I would hate for him to miss out on this pleasure....then perhaps she can also enjoy the pleasure of sitting down to a meal prepared by someone else

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 19:55

Not sure why you're directing all that at me Amanda. Confused

I just think it's a bit odd to question the motives behind a woman enjoying cooking but not question a man enjoying it to the same extent. Can't we just enjoy cooking as humans. Enjoy the experience of cooking/being creative/putting a nice meal together/experimenting with different foods/techniques/providing nourishment? Why do people always seem so eager to find something negative?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 20:01

directing all that at me Confused
All what
Sorry. I was just trying to answer the question about te difference between asking a man or a woman about their enjoyment of cooking in a situation where it seems that women are expected to cook.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 20:03

We can definely enjoy cooking as either sex ime.
But many people are wuestioning whether that is actually the case here.
And the bbq example illustrates the point that "enjoyment" of cooking might well be loaded in one gender's favour.

MrsAidenTurner · 23/03/2015 20:04

Because it seems that women enjoy spending two days in the kitchen preparing salads, sides and puds on a hot summer's day while the men slave over hot coals Grin

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 20:06

I'm usually nursing a cold glass of white wine while DH stands sweating over a BBQ Grin

TheRealAmandaClarke · 23/03/2015 20:10

That's lovely bumble
But it doesn't mean you didnt spend the previous 48 hours in the kitchen preparing dishes.
And it doesnt negate the fact that on the occasion of a bbq the usual "form" is for women to do the kitchen based work facilitating the men's enjoyment of hosting a bbq?
And yes, that is a generalisation. Based only on my own 43 years of life experience and that of the vast majority of my family and friends.

Bambambini · 23/03/2015 20:11

I just think its great that they found 20 women (with no abstainers) who have the time and absolutely love cooking and are happy and confident enough to cook for such a big number. It is a very rare thing these days, I'm impressed.

MrsAidenTurner · 23/03/2015 20:12

I nurse a white wine too, but I will have prepared the salads and all the rest in the kitchen but not 48 hours before. just a quick knock up of something.

OrlandoWoolf · 23/03/2015 20:15

But the men will get the praise for the cooking.

As they bond over the fire.

ilovesooty · 23/03/2015 20:19

Lots of men who are happy to do BBQ cooking wouldn't see themselves cooking for 20 people as "a nice thing to do for our partners". They generally don't see cooking in terms of a nurturing activity that they're expected to do.

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 20:24

I really don't Amanda. My preparation of a salad involves opening a bag of leaves and throwing it into a bowl with a few tomatoes. :) DH spends more time faffing around with marinades than I do with salad or anything else.

Usually cooking is split fairly evenly in our house. Depends on whoever is home first or what we're having for dinner - we both enjoy making certain dishes ourselves. Most of our family/friends have similar arrangements.

bumbleymummy · 23/03/2015 20:25

Anyone else starting to wish it was BBQ season?

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