This isn't sexist at all.

[PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange]

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

Well think of it as a family dinner. It's a lot more bonding than everyone with their own individual readymeal. I guess they get enough team building while working, when it's important that everyone is in the right place doing their job.

I do know someone who was in the wrong place and got totalled when the top pallet in a pile fell on top of him.

I also think that some of the wives may have struck up individual friendships through being involved in the arrangement.

The only thing wrong with it is the assumption that NW would want to be asked if she wanted to join in.

I think she should get over herself.

Glad to hear some of the wifeys get something out of this, it is so hard to get a bit of social contact outside the home. Chatting through recipes and whether they are taking part in Steak & BJ day must be a pleasant diversion from all the household chores.

No, I won't think of it as a family dinner. Unless you mean a family dinner that you get the neighbours to cook for you?

What factory is this where all the workers down tools for an hour during the night shift to eat a hot meal together? To bond as a team.

I mean where, outside a Victoria Wood TV show, does that happen?

I'm trying to imagine my dh asking me to cook for all the men in his company .

This is a big part of work culture in countries like France. I haven't heard of similar here but I did work for a small company in the nineties which had a similar set up.

Piper, you said "DH does my sandwiches every time I am in work at the same time as doing his own, even when he is on a night shift."

That was worded wrong, what meant was he does my sandwiches even if he on night shift.

This is a big part of work culture in countries like France

And something tells me the wives make it for their DH as well in France. But I may be stereotyping.

To address some of the points that bumbley raised: I do think it's potentially problematic (from a feminist point of view) when the choices you make 'coincidentally' conform with traditional gender roles, even when there are perfectly valid reasons for these choices. After all, decisions aren't made in a cultural vacuum.

I 'happen to' enjoy cooking and sewing. My husband 'happens to' like football. My brother 'happened to' be interested in the sciences and did a biology degree. I 'happened to' be interested in arts and did a languages degree. I 'happen to' feel more comfortable in my own skin if I shave my legs , much as I'd like to not give a shit. None of these things are entirely coincidental - like it or not, society is weighed down by historical baggage and we are all products of our society. However, that does not make these preferences and interests any less real for the people concerned. That's what makes it so difficult to escape gender-stereotyping cultural pressures.

Should people's decisions be geared towards avoiding traditional gender roles? No, that's not a solution that would work for me. A woman should be allowed to like feminine things and still be considered a good feminist. A woman who loves cooking chicken curry for 20 men but refrains from pursuing her interest purely to make a point would be cutting off her nose to spite her face.

But it does pay to be aware of the underlying pressures, I think. My mum, who would describe herself as a feminist, somehow fell into a role where she is expected to do all the cooking, ironing and cleaning for my dad. To a certain extent, this happened for perfectly understandable reasons (she 'happens to' be better at cooking and ironing than my dad, she 'happens to' have more time on her hands than my dad, my dad 'happens' not to have a practical bone in his body), but there's no doubt that subconscious ideas about gender roles also contributed.

So what's the solution? I don't know - I guess everyone needs to find their own approach. Personally, I make a special effort to avoid falling into a stereotypically female role. Just because I enjoy cooking doesn’t mean I’m happy to do it every day. I cook when I feel like it. If there is a stereotypical 'woman's job' that I don’t enjoy doing, I make a special point to ensure it doesn't (just) fall on me. When my husband and I reach a decision that doesn't sit entirely comfortably with me for the reasons outlined above, I speak up and we try to redress the balance in some other way. But it's not easy, and I can't pretend I'm always entirely happy with the outcome.

Talking of French stereotypes, when do they have time to meet up with their mistresses or play boules if they are sitting down to a hearty cooked lunch.

They do that de cinq a sept after clocking off from their cushy civil service job.

While raising sophisticated slim non-binge drinking children who sip wine at every meal from the age of 2, eat pain au chocolat all afternoon and leave school with 4 languages and a PhD despite not learning to read until the age of seven.

Traditionally from 5 - 7. For mistresses, that is. I think boules is more of a group activity.

But I don't know how that would apply to industrial night workers.

Anyone read Donna Leon's detective stories? Set in Venice. Commissario Brunetti's wife did a two course family lunch every day. She's a university professor. I don't recall him ever doing any cooking. Just opening the wine.

I do wonder how many of the men make the meals.

How many of the wives / partners work or are SAHM?

I also wonder who initiated the agreement and how the rota was organised. Did the men at work organise it - or was it organised by one of the wives who then phoned around the other wives?

I would like to think the men thought it was a good idea, went home and organised who would cook the meal when it was their turn.

I suspect it was one of the wives who came up with it and who then phoned the other wives to rope them in.

Thanks for your post Bearlet. I do think it's important to speak up if you don't feel comfortable doing something - be it a stereotypical role or not. I don't think any relationship can be happy if one person gets landed with certain jobs that they don't like doing all the time. I agree that it doesn't make sense to purposely avoid certain jobs though - particularly if you do enjoy them more or are better at them than your partner.

I do think it's important to speak up if you don't feel comfortable doing something - be it a stereotypical role or not

Which is what this woman did. She spoke up. And got called stroppy.

It just seems so unlikely that 18 women would be of one accord in terms of ability (time, resources, skill) and inclination to participate in this rota.

I would find it easier to understand how it came about if there were 4-8 maybe. That's small enough to be a friendship group, to have a history, to have maybe all sat at the same table during a works do and come up with the scheme, or to all live close together and meet socially.

But 18? That's a really big group, likely to be diverse, unlikely to meet regularly in person. Maybe it started small and others joined in, which brings up the question of pressure and feeling of obligation.

Like many on this thread, I also remember my mum sweating over the bloody cricket tea in the 70s & 80s, like her MIL before her. She didn't enjoy it, but it was expected and she would no more have expected my dad to do it (or even help out) than she'd have expected him to fly to the moon. She also wouldn't have considered telling them to do a running jump and sort it amongst themselves.

Fast forward 20 years, and my DB plays cricket, makes "tea for two" if it's a home match (half a loaf of sandwiches, crisps and a packet of kitkats or similar - he's not much of a baker), and it would never occur to him or my SIL who is an amazing cook, enjoys baking, but has 3 small children, a demanding job, and a busy social life of her own, to delegate this job to his wife. My mum thinks this is marvelous.

And lo! The men set the table, make the tea, and wash up without involving their significant others as well. Who knew, all those late 70s Saturdays I spent at the cricket hanging about the boundary line with DB and getting shouted at if I ran in front of the screen, that a woman's presence in the kitchen wasn't an essential part of the game?

That was worded wrong, what meant was he does my sandwiches even if he on night shift.

But he doesn't do your sandwiches, and sandwiches for all your colleagues does he?

Orlando - I don't think she should have been called stroppy for not wanting to join in but, as I said earlier, I don't think she had to be so rude and criticise the OP.

Each to their own. I think her response was acceptable. I bet there are people on here who would have responded in a far ruder way.

Yes, and as I said earlier as well, just because some MNers would be even more ride doesn't mean it's acceptable/nice/necessary.

Rude not ride

In your opinion.

Other people may think differently.

Well I doubt many people would think it was a 'nice' text.

Well I doubt many people would think it was a 'nice' text.

No and that is why she responded in the way she did.

[Sleepyhead], I agree for me it has always been the sheer size of this group of 18/19 women, who must feel compelled in some way to not rock the boat. 4 or 5 would have been so much easier to accept and understand.

Imagine the difficulty and conflict it would present you to say to your DP, "yes all the other women are doing it, but not me" knowing when he goes into work there is likely to be a lot of piss taking about "MrSilver is under the thumb at home, his wife has told him he can't eat the blokey hot curries just because she is a lazy cow and can't be arsed to cook every 3 months". How tough would that be to do, particularly if he has just started a new job, and is keen to fit in with the other blokes at the warehouse.