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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
Treaclepot · 20/03/2015 21:46

I absolutely love her reply. And like fuck would I cook for my DPs collegues.

I can believe her response. I can't believe quite so many women cook for so many men, that has to be a joke. What sort of a world do you live in?

firesidechat · 20/03/2015 21:46

Got to the end of the thread now.

So not even heroic firefighters? Sad

I'm disappointed.

WombleGravy · 20/03/2015 21:47

"if the new worker's partner doesn't want to join in, fair enough, but no need to make a feminist point over it."

Hahahahahaha ha!

Tizwailor · 20/03/2015 21:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore · 20/03/2015 21:49

I've been thinking about this.

My husband has worked in very male dominated/ manual environments and if he had a text like that, I would have told him to get into work and get his colleagues sorted out that not everyone's wife wants or has the time to provide industrial catering to a bunch of adults who have hands, brains and electrical equipment, and also not to dare ever suggest that I attend any social event where I was expected to make small talk with that bunch of women.

Which, as I "know" you from other threads, piper, would do you a huge disservice.

But that's how this entire thing comes across. Its really very very bizarre and it's shame you have had such a kicking in some ways but it is also very important not to normalise this type of thing!

Apatite1 · 20/03/2015 22:15

Well, I hope OP has caught up to 2015 now. Amazing how sexism is still alive, well and some women are still utterly oblivious to it.

RizzoWasTheBestOne · 20/03/2015 22:30

How my DH feeds himself when he's at work is entirely up to him.

I see it as nothing to do with me.

Likewise his colleagues.

Vivacia · 20/03/2015 22:41

If my DP got a text like that I think he'd just sit open-mouthed at it for about 20 minutes.

I don't understand why the men don't cook.

I love the reveal that they aren't all firefighters!

ouryve · 20/03/2015 22:51

When you get 20 guys together, aren't you going to get a few who don't like onions, or can't stand that spicy stuff? I'm sort of puzzling how this is really workable, anyhow.

Vivacia · 20/03/2015 22:56

You forget that these are Men men.

SistersOfPercy · 20/03/2015 22:58

Bloody hell when I worked nights dh used to give me a fiver for a Chinese (only because he is always more organised than me and is the one that usually has money on him)
I feel most put out that he didn't lovingly prepare me a man stew every 20 days Angry

Christinayang1 · 20/03/2015 23:04

Bet it is all a flash in the pan.....

cerealqueen · 20/03/2015 23:05

It was sexist.

As for the response, no need to call everybody twats or use the F word.

I think the hardest thing is the fry up, its hard to get all that timing right Grin.

ouryve · 20/03/2015 23:14

I've seen Men men reduced back to whiny 5 year olds by the sight of worms onions in their dinner, Vivacia

I deliberately left out the idea expressed by a PP that there might be veggies amongst them, mind :o

Christinayang1 · 20/03/2015 23:18

Think she was trying to curry favour....

silverbangles66 · 20/03/2015 23:19

Bloody gutted.

I truly hoped you'd say your DH worked on Top Gear.

This thread had such an epic ending in my head.

AcrossthePond55 · 21/03/2015 00:03

Don't necessarily think it's sexist per se, unless there have been female or gay co-workers whose male partners haven't been expected to participate. Whether hypothetical partners theoretically would be asked is moot.

I do think that it should have been up to the new worker to bring this up to his partner and/or tell his coworkers that she wouldn't be interested in it. Who knows what conversation may have gone on after she read OP's message that may have prompted the (IMO) rude reply. A simple "No, I won't be doing that" would have sufficed, but I expect her partner may have put some pressure on her about how he would be the only one whose partner, etc, etc.

Personally, no way I'd be doing it. I worked a full time job myself and wouldn't have been taking time out of my already crazy schedule to cook for 20-odd people.

I do hope, OP, that despite her rude (again, IMO) response you are able to take the high road and just let the issue drop with not only your husband, but the other wives/partners who do cook.

PS, what's with the 'kid meals'? My kids were offered the same things we ate.

NumanoidNancy · 21/03/2015 00:07

ahaha Silverbangles! Your ending definitely sounds promising...

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/03/2015 00:08

I like the new wife Grin

Momagain1 · 21/03/2015 00:43

I agree with Lowrey and others: the new wife was replying to The text forwarded from her husband.She was calling his co-workers sexist twats for expecting the wives to (want) to cook for them all. She didnt expect her reply would be seen by you, but that he would edit it down to a simple 'NO', or more elaborate 'my wife isnt interested, but a) i can cook, or b) how about I order in?, or C) i am a gluten free paleo vegetarian and allergic to nuts, shellfish and MSG, so unless your wives want to cater for that, I will just bring my own meal.

5madthings · 21/03/2015 01:11

This is funking hilarious.

Occasionally dps work does something like this. All the staff members are expected to bring something in, somehow they heard about my baking (I do cakes and cake pops for the madthings) it was suggested that I could maybe do something for the work meal and I laughed. Like fuck am a I cooking or baking for a bunch of people I don't know. Dp cooks something himself to take in and still finds it annoying himself. It's bloody expensive buying the ingredients and he is using up HIS time to do the cooking at home. It's supposed to be a social thing but it's the expectation that pisses him off that they will all do it.

Had he got a text like this we both would have had a good laugh, especially coming up with a suitable reply.

Like fuck would a male partner be expected to do this.

anothernumberone · 21/03/2015 01:12

OP I have been out for the night I was sure that by now you would have admitted you made the whole thing up.

textfan · 21/03/2015 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 21/03/2015 03:31

Sorry I am reading the thread, working tonight so as you can all understand that I am busy. I'm doing volunteer work so not getting paid.

OP posts:
Vivacia · 21/03/2015 05:54

There are some strange, superfluous snippets of information from you OP!