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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn't sexist at all.

999 replies

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 20/03/2015 17:55

In my DH works on night shifts each of the wives/partners cook for all the men on shift.

I'm happy with it and so are all the other women, we have been doing this for years. It means they all get a hot home made meal.

The 1 partner of a new man who has started has pulled a strop and said it sexiest and very 1950.

The reason we all enjoy cooking them as we can step away from cooking 'kids' meals and kick up the heat on curries and jerk chicken ect.
While I accept that children do eat these kind of meals within our friendship group all these are always done mild.

IABU to think it is not sexiest.

In able to do this many years ago with the Christmas bonus they brought a George foreman, slow cooker, pressure cooker and a rice cooker. Due to H&S the only thing they haven't got is a deep fat fryer. But all the others have been PACT tested.

OP posts:
sashh · 21/03/2015 05:59

Bloody hell.

I love cooking. I do five course meals for friends when my health allows (used to do them a lot) but I would throw a strop big style if I'd got your text.

I may not have been rude to you and may have just sent in a menu for a take away or something completely inedible.

Jackieharris · 21/03/2015 06:09

This thread comes up in my 'I'm on' beside the one on 'why do I find menstruation dirty'.

Got me wondering if they'd notice a mooncup's contents in a hot curry for 20?

Ooooooooh · 21/03/2015 06:18

I love the idea of a communal meal. I bet they eat like kings!

I know you text her with good intentions but maybe you can ease things a little.

Text back 'ha yes, my apologies, it does sound like we are in the 1950's! Some of the blokes do cook the communal meals too'

Vivacia · 21/03/2015 06:25

Did it Jackie?

Vivacia · 21/03/2015 06:25

Some of the blokes do cook the communal meals too'

Which ones??

WombleGravy · 21/03/2015 06:29

The fry up guy? Beacon of modern manhood, him.

Aridane · 21/03/2015 06:52

Regardless of the rightness / wrongness of the situation, the response to your text was rude.

FishWithABicycle · 21/03/2015 06:59

The reply was indeed rude but sometimes that level of rudeness is called for and appropriate to communicate quite to what extent this is an utterly sexist situation. A simple "no thanks" or similarly polite reply would not have successfully communicated the perfectly correct level of outrage this woman felt. She could have politely and without swearing written a much longer explanation of why this is so sexist, akin to some of the posts on this thread, but (a) that's not possible in the medium of SMS texts and (b) she may well not have time to dedicate to writing that.

WombleGravy · 21/03/2015 06:59

It sounds like an MNer.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 21/03/2015 07:09

I just think it's really odd. Fair enough if you want to do it bit why do the women have to be the ones to do it? Are the men not capable or something?

TheProdigalSquonk · 21/03/2015 07:17

I do think that it is a very sexist attitude tbh, especially the bit where the new wag "three a strip" and the chap without a partner SO he does full English Breakfast. Can be not cook? Is he destined to eat sausages for every meal until a little lady rescues him?

TheProdigalSquonk · 21/03/2015 07:18

Threw a strop. Not three a strip

TallGiraffes · 21/03/2015 07:19

Communal cooking and eating great.

Sending your OH in with food occasionally, fine. I send cakes into DH's work when I've had a baking urge but don't actually want to eat a whole cake.

Being instructed to cook a meal for DH and all his colleagues - completely nuts. I might not have sent that text to a stranger but I'd definitely have thought it!

Aladyinsane · 21/03/2015 07:23

'No one is expected to cook. If a woman joined the workforce then if her husband or partner wanted to do it then he would be free.'

You've answered your own question.

This woman is 'not expected to cook' and 'free' (to choose I assume). If this would apply to a new husband then this must apply to the new wife.

Respect this woman's decision not to participate, whatever her reasons. She is not 'throwing a strop' but merely exercising her free choice and will.

Treaclepot · 21/03/2015 07:41

I feel a bit sick that this isn't a joke. Why the fuck don't they cook themselves. There is no way on gods earth my DH (or any blokes I can think of) would ask.

You are all being taking for mugs.

PilchardPrincess · 21/03/2015 07:58

For some reason was thinking about this on waking Grin and practically this sounds very unusual that it is even doable. 20 people working in a manual job are going to need a lot of food. Op talks about "one pot wonders" ,(whatever they might be) so the pot would need to be a proper massive mass catering one. Like they have for school dinners. Vast majority of people do not have these. A George foreman grill is mentioned. What use is one of those when cooking for 20.

I find it unusual that out of a random group of 20 workers, all are men, all bar one are married, and all the wives are capable of providing mass catering and have the equipment at home to do so. And indeed the inclination to do so. Well except this new one.

There must be something to do with the part of the country this is or something, some kind of micro culture, because the whole thing is really bizarre.

FayKorgasm · 21/03/2015 08:04

I bet the woman is a MNer and reading this thread. It has to be.

And yes it all sounds so sexist and no I certainly would not contribute to it. DH would be too embarrassed on your behalf to show me that text.

bumbleymummy · 21/03/2015 08:07

Treacle, some women don't actually mind cooking. In some couples women choose to do most of the cooking and men do other things. I don't necessarily think that's sexist. I do think it's wrong to assume that every couple has the same dynamic though. I guess in this case it could come across as sexist but if it was something else ( other than cooking) it wouldn't. Although it would still be considered rude to automatically assume that someone would choose to do the same things as you.

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 08:20

Sorry I am reading the thread, working tonight so as you can all understand that I am busy. I'm doing volunteer work so not getting paid

And does your husband cook you and all the other volunteers a hot meal so that you eat whilst working? If so then fab!

AlternativeTentacles · 21/03/2015 08:23

Treacle, some women don't actually mind cooking. In some couples women choose to do most of the cooking and men do other things. I don't necessarily think that's sexist.

No of course that in itself isn't sexist.

What IS sexist is expecting all the little women to cook all the men their hot meals so that the poor darlings don't starve whilst working shifts. Because - and you may need to sit down for this - sorting out their own lunches/dinners whilst at work etc. is their own responsibility. That's because they are all adults now.

bumbleymummy · 21/03/2015 08:29

Well, I did go on to say that assuming every couple has the same dynamic is wrong. Why would I need to 'sit down for this?' Hmm

Of course they could make their own food - this just happens to be an arrangement that they're happy with (wives/partners included it seems). If it works for them - great! However, assuming that the new person's partner would want to join in and cook for everyone is wrong. That's why I said earlier that the new person should have been told about taking turns to bring a meal in and then it's up to him if he wants to join in and it's up to his wife/partner if she wants to help.

BathtimeFunkster · 21/03/2015 08:30

the pot would need to be a proper massive mass catering one.

Or... a cauldron!

I really want to get a job somewhere where loads of men have to cook my dinner every night.

rockybalboa · 21/03/2015 08:31

Yes it is sexist. Not a chance I would do that. The men should be sorting out their own meals.

LittleBearPad · 21/03/2015 08:46
Shock

I think I'd have phrased it slightly differently OP but I wouldn't have joined your rota.

Arf at one man isn't married so he does a fry up. Mind-boggling.

FishWithABicycle · 21/03/2015 09:10

bumbleymummy of course some women like cooking. So do some men. The sexist aspect to this whole issue is that this is assumed to be women's work rather than something each team member arranges with or without the help of their life partner, and that obviously anyone without a wife wouldn't be capable. It was the OP's assumption that this is obviously wife-work, rather than the existence of the rota system, that is sexist.