daughter home from university

[yoyoyoy]

My dd is at uni and will be coming home for holidays . I am a single parent on a very limited income ( less than £15k pa) . She lives on a student loan and grant topped up with £200 a month from her dad , my ex . Aibu to charge her something when she is home ? I have broached the subject with her but she got very stroppy about it but it seems to me that as she will be at home for a third of the year and using my food and utilities it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect a small contribution from her . She is adamant that she won't get a job as she is tired from studying and needs to recharge her batteries but othe uni age kids seem to be able to work a few hours a work , so why won't she . She seems to be able to live on her loans/grant and money from dad as she doesn't go out much at uni and certainly doesn't go out drinking at all and when home hardly ever leaves the house . I am minded to say that if she won't give me some money for her keep she can spend half the holidays with her dad and he can keep her for a while . Any ideas ?

I'd ask for a contribution to the running costs of the house (so food, utilities), not much necessarily but she either has to get it out of her Dad (or the money he sends her every month) or get a job. If she doesn't want to get a job, then you can't really force her, but by charging her a little, she will have to give up something.

You're right that leaving uni with no work experience at all is going to make it really hard to find work. I left in the early 00s and luckily took a working gap year before going to uni (30hrs/week in WHSmiths), it was pivotal in getting my first job after graduating. It must be a million times harder now. She's unlikely to have much to put her above the hundreds of other graduates applying for jobs.

Therefore, all students should work in the long thirteen-week holiday

Yes, because there are enough jobs out there for every student

It doesn't have to be paid work if the motivation is to enhance your CV, although it sounds as though the OP is in the financial situation where paid work would enable a contribution which would be helpful.

They should try to do something productive with that long vacation. Planning in March to do nothing but recharge your batteries is ridiculous.

I got a first as a single parent to a 9 month old,my dc was born in my second year and I was back to my course when doc was 2 weeks old.i didn't miss a day or an assignment

My point being, a part time job should be a doddle to a young free and single person with very little contact hours in lectures and tutorials

If you can't afford to keep her then she should be at the very least buying her own groceries (or contributing to the weekly shop) her own toiletries and something towards utilities I.e the same expenses she would have if she stayed at her rented accommodation in uni

should means that they are morally obligated to try to find work. Obviously, some students may not find any and that will not be their fault. My comment was in response to the OP's daughter declaring that she didn't want to try: she was happy to spend her entire holidays "recharging her batteries'.

And, as ilovesooty points out, "work" doesn't have to be paid. If a student can't find paid employment, he/she should then try to find something in the voluntary sector. There is no guarantee of this either but, once again, the effort should be made.

The point is that the OP's daughter has declared before the holidays even start that she has no intention of looking for a job or, it would seem, exerting herself much at all.

She's not earning, she's in education. I wouldn't charge her because she can't have much money to give you. It's good she doesn't have to work aswell, as it can make uni a really hard struggle.

Why would doing some form of work over the long vacation make university a hard struggle?

No-one (including her mother)is suggesting that she works during term time, popalot. The OP has said that she doesn't expect her to work in the shorter holidays either: just to try to find work in the three months off she had in summer.

She should contribute towards her food, and if she can't afford that then she should get a job to help. The whole "I need to recharge my batteries" speech wouldn't wash with me I'm afraid. I had a baby in my first year of Uni, and still carried on to become a qualified teacher.

In an ideal world, I'm sure you would help to support her, but if you can't afford it then she should be contributing a bit.

I would try and manage, feed her etc. even if she had a job I wouldn't charge her. my dd is coming home in y3 and has an Easter job but she needs the money.

I have never heard of a university trying to ban working over the long summer holidays.
Indeed, because it wouldn't happen. At the university I work at, it is assumed that we can't set work for students to do over the summer vacation (other than a bit of preliminary reading which can be done in the evenings) since they need (whether financially or for CV purposes) to work.

Both Oxford and Cambridge discourage working.

itsbetter I know a lot of people who went to both places, without exception they all worked during the incredibly long summer break - and many did a few hours over the Christmas and/or Easter breaks if they could get them.

No they don't. Cambridge University careers service has a section dedicated to making your vacation work for you, all about how to find paid work or internships. Because they have such short terms, they do want students to dedicate themselves to their studies during term time. Vacation work is different.

Not in the long summer vacation, it's - just during term time.

Out of interest I've just looked at the Oxford website. They too encourage summer placements and jobs, pointing out that it's an invaluable time to try different jobs which might help you think further about future careers.

I would have found it strange to have been asked to contribute money when I was home from university, but my mum was not struggling financially. It can't really be very expensive in terms of bills (at least not in summer) - food may be a different matter.

I do think it is strange that she wants to do nothing all summer. I can understand for a week or two it's nice just to rest, but for three months? Won't she get bored? I did a mixture of paid work, voluntary work and travel in my uni summer holidays (Christmas and Easter I had revision to do). If she's doing languages then it might be good to travel to or try and find a holiday job in a relevant country, or to see if there's anything that could use languages at home.

Mum was disabled and had to give up work shortly after I started uni, so she could barely support herself, never mind a hollow-legged late teen.

She never asked for money, but I considered myself an adult at 18. So when I visited for summer vacation, I found pt mw jobs, enough for my extra food & utilities, plus a bit to put in my savings account. Not rent as such, just my keep.
Even though work was typically cleaning or pub jobs, it introduced me to the world of work and the mindset IYSWIM, so it was in fact valuable life experience.
I still had plenty of time to unwind and enjoy her company.
I didn't work, or pay for my keep, during Easter or Christmas visits.

If Mum had been on a more comfortable income, I know she wouldn't have accepted any money. However, by 18 I understood that although most other students came from families which could sub them, my Mum just couldn't afford to.

I take it all school and university staff who get this time off as well should also be obliged to do voluntary work during their holidays?

I take it all school and university staff who get this time off as well should also be obliged to do voluntary work during their holidays?

That's an utterly ridiculous comment. When do you suppose academic staff do research? When do you think modules are written and schemes of work are planned?
Besides, it's been suggested that this student enhances her employability. The people you refer to already have jobs.

What sooty said. The summer months are v busy research months.
And yes it is an utterly ridiculous comment, especially as nobody is actually obliging the girl to do anything. But she'd be very misguided to do nothing for 3.5 months.

If she doesnt contribute financially I would at least get her doing the housework , washing, ironing andcooking . My DD1 lived at home unemployed for 6m between finishing her Masters and moving to London .I was working ft . She did all the above in return for her 'keep' .

I worked every Easter and Summer holiday from when I was fifteen and right through the summer holidays while at Uni. (i got excellent GCEs, A levels and a good degree ) I did not 'contribute' to household finances as such (and my parents were not well off) but it did mean I could supplement the (miserly) full grant I got and never had to ask them for money/got into debt .
We paid for both our DDs at Uni so it would have been a bit silly to ask for a contribution 'back' in the holidays. DD1 (highly academic and always had a lot of reading to do in summer hols) chose not to work. I don't think it made any difference to her job prospects . DD2 worked Saturdays through sixth form and every summer holiday through Uni . The work experience certainly improved DD2's confidence and I am sure has helped her cope with a very demanding degree course, which required 'people' skills . .