To not want my colleague to hug me every day?

[perrita]

Recently changed to a new team at work, they're all very nice. Each morning, one of the women on the team will come around to each of our desks and give everyone a hug.

I hate it; it makes me feel uncomfortable, I've tried ignoring her or walking away but she literally stands and waits with her arms open and says something like "it's time for morning hugs". I'm not a big hugger in general, and although she's nice enough and we get on okay I still barely know her.

It's been going on for about a week and a half now and I don't know how to stop it, I don't want to offend her or have the other people on the team think I'm strange or horrible or anything but I just don't want a hug although the problem is I feel like I've let it go on too long and I don't know how to tell her to stop.

DH thinks I'm BU and should just put up with it as "it's only a hug, she's just being nice" but I don't think I should have to do something that makes me uncomfortable. AIBU?

Not read all comment, so not sure if this has been said yet.

Just imagine how this comment thread would change if you switch the sex of the hugger? It's inappropriate, and you shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable.

YANBU.

Where has the OP gone?

Perhaps she is locked in a never ending hug.

Or has been taken into custody, after stabbing the hugger.

Oh the idea makes my skin crawl. It would probably be unprofessional to give her a friendly poke in the eye but id have to say something. Then again, I get the heebie jeebies if someone drinks out of "my" cup.

Go limp, and slither to the floor while screaming. Its the only way.

This is a genius idea! You cannot stab a hugger in the back without looking like a total cow.[grin. You could lean in a bit and sniff her hair and creepily say " mmmmmm (name) your hair/ neck smells lovely" or squeeze really hard and say " name these hugs mean so much to me" and linger too long

My friend works in an office where they all regularly hug. I visited once and saw it for myself.

She's in Texas though, I'm not sure if it's the done thing over there or not.

Op just say no thank you I'm not a buggy person. The behaviour is very inappropriate. Can't you bring it up with your line manager who can dress it with her in a sensitive way.

This would give me a heart attack, I swear. I hate any physical contact (apart from DP, and even then not when he is being annoying ) and hugs make me really uncomfortable. My boss thinks it's hilarious to grab me and cuddle me while saying, "I know you don't do hugs but c'mere!"

It's not hilarious, it makes me want to punch my own teeth out.

I agree, have a quiet word and explain that you're not very tactile and prefer not to hug. Depending on your relationship with your boss, you could casually let them know.

However, only escalate it with HR if she won't stop or gets nasty. It's weird but probably not malicious, it's a shame to get someone into trouble when a quiet word could sort it.

I'm concerned the OP hasn't returned to the thread and has been hugged into submission.

It's not unreasonable that you don't want this to happen.

Don't hint; tell her. Not at the time she does it and not in front of others. Take her aside this afternoon and tell her now.

Be calm, polite, professional - and clear that you appreciate the gesture but that you don't want to be hugged. Don't apologise, don't feel guilty.

If she stops, great. If she doesn't, take it further.

I found this thread via Facebook. Lets hope the hugger isn't on mumsnet

I'd just be upfront and say, No thanks and avoid making eye contact with her.

Then if she insists, look at her, and say, no really, I don't want one.

YANBU. This is really weird and unprofessional and could even be deemed sexual harrassment, even if she just means to be nice. If I found one of my staff insisting on hugging everyone I'd have a very stern talk with her. Have a quite word with a manager if there is one, it's not really your place to have to stop this behaviour, the management really should know about it.

yanbu. I used to work with a woman who used to come into my room and massage my shoulders and paw at my upper arm as she spoke to me. I hated it. I only like hugs from my dad, DH and children. I don't even like them from siblings, but then we're not a huggy type of family . I'd definitely just say "can you not hug me please" and leave it at that.

I agree with with canyouforgiveher. Nobody should be "forced" into a hug if they don't want one or if its not for them. I like hugging personally - but not if its something that is expected in this way and with people I hardly know at work. (its seems a somewhat inappropriate or unprofessional way to go about things). If the hugger is truly a nice person with any degree of emotional intelligence then they will have the nouse to suss out that you are not comfortable with it and respect your private space. However I think you probably need to take a more assertive approach and just tell her straight -actually - no offence but I am not really the hugging type - only at home thanks. if you take an indirect passive approach - then you are not being clear enough (assuming this woman has the emotional intelligence of a small gnat and can't work this out from your passive/indirect approach). This isn't about being confrontational - this is about you exercising your right to have boundaries. And she is crossing yours.

Yuk, i would hate this.. Maybe she fancies one of your team and is doing this to appear friendly!? If i had done this at my old place im sure someone would have told me to ' get a life' ! Weird behaviour

I once worked with a Californian guy who was most perturbed by the lack of hugs in our office. He found the English to be very cold and unloving. I think I lived up to the stereotype by telling him in all seriousness that if he hugged me, I would bite him.

Yes, its very american. Glad i dont work over there ( i hate hugging)

I am with the slattern.... one hug and I'll chew on you, seriously.

Only once has a colleague persisted in being 'friendly'. She leaned in, arms wide, I stepped back "Just don't", she said "Aaaah, who really needs a hug then?"

Well, there really was only 1 reply - "You will if you touch me".

Most colleagues laughed, only 1 thought I was unreasonable. And to be honest I couldn't care. I work with you, I don't want to be your friend, so sod off and let me do what I come in here for... work.

This is why I work for myself, alone.

The woman is acting like she's at preschool

Is she weird in other ways, OP?

How have you managed not to vom all over her???

I am not really a hugger and I feel very uncomfortable and awkward when people try to hug me so I would hate this. I could put up with it now and again but not everyday!

Next time she does this I would just say something like 'That's really nice of you but I'm not really a hugger' and don't get up from your chair. And repeat it everyday until she gets it!

Or you could hide in the bathroom everyday until she has done the hug rounds?

I'm actually feeling quite bad for the hugger now. What is she thinking!