To not want my colleague to hug me every day?

[perrita]

Recently changed to a new team at work, they're all very nice. Each morning, one of the women on the team will come around to each of our desks and give everyone a hug.

I hate it; it makes me feel uncomfortable, I've tried ignoring her or walking away but she literally stands and waits with her arms open and says something like "it's time for morning hugs". I'm not a big hugger in general, and although she's nice enough and we get on okay I still barely know her.

It's been going on for about a week and a half now and I don't know how to stop it, I don't want to offend her or have the other people on the team think I'm strange or horrible or anything but I just don't want a hug although the problem is I feel like I've let it go on too long and I don't know how to tell her to stop.

DH thinks I'm BU and should just put up with it as "it's only a hug, she's just being nice" but I don't think I should have to do something that makes me uncomfortable. AIBU?

Apparently, the first thing I said to a new colleague joining our team was 'I don't do hugs'. She told me this some years after the fact and I thought it had been very rude of me, but it does sound like something I would've said - I cannot stand hugs.

I had a boss once who - as part of the icebreaker for a team building event - wanted everyone in her dept to go round hugging one another. I told her I'd report her to HR if she made me participate.

Wasn't even joking either.

Personal space people!!!

YANBU. Could you whisper something a bit creepy in her ear the next time she does it and hold the hug for a little longer than is socially acceptable?

Just because the other members of staff put up with the hugging doesn't mean that they like it. They probably want to get on with something else at hugging time.

Just tell the woman that you do not want to be hugged every day because it makes me uncomfortable. If she asks for the reason, just say, "Do some thinking."

That's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. If a colleague wanted to hug me every day I'd certainly be telling them I won't do it. Unprofessional and just fucking odd.

OMG - I was gonna say YABU but....
Every day with the line 'it's time for mornings hugs'! Good grief.
And I like a hug.
I would honestly say in response to that.
'Not with me it's not, personal space required, thank you!'
How odd.

I have one at my work place, she thinks nothing of draping an arm around your shoulders and reading your screen, if you make a cup of her favourite green tea you get a hug and a kiss on the cheek learnt from bitter experience not to do that again and just generally has a lack of personal space awareness, hugging at work like that is unprofessional and not something I put up with.

In my case, I did say something as colleague went to kiss my cheek and she had 2 cold sores, I stopped straight away and said 'Thanks for the appreciation but I don't need the hugs, nothing personal but I only hug my nearest and dearest.' She stopped and hasn't done it since, but has still needed reminders occasionally especially about the arm over the shoulder but it definitely must be nipped in the bud, if she's not taking the subtle hints you have to be direct about it.

You're an adult, tell her to stop it if you don't like it, no need for all this angst fgs

HUGGED YOU FROM BEHIND?

I would have screamed if someone grabbed me from behind.

Just tell her you really don't like being hugged, thank you so much.

I would HATE this. Shuddering at the thought.

Have been roaring at some of the suggestions You've got to take some kind of action because it's not going to stop unless you do.

If it were me I'd have a private word. If she's likely to be offended at all then surely it's better not to speak out in front of other colleagues.
I'd try "I'm very happy to greet you in the morning but please stop including me in any hugs. It's not personal but I really don't like it as I only have close physical contact with my family"

We have friends where one of them greets with a hug and cheek kiss and the other doesn't because they don't like it. We all respect that preference it's no big deal.

I was going to say she sounds a bit needy but she just sounds nuts. I'd just say well we know each other now so no need for that every day and smile And walk away. Don't think I'd confront her on her ownat first. But if she still continues I would have a private word and say you will be contacting HR if it continues as you've already said you'd rather not and she is ignoring you.

This is so bizarre. I have never worked anywhere where ritual morning hugging would be appropriate. Are personal boundaries breached in other ways?

I meant to say that it's totally inappropriate in the workplace. Totally. It sounds like something from a sit com.

Ooo good point Bonsoir. What else does she do?

Gosh how annoying!
You know you have to say something. Just be straight and polite and it'll be over.

I once worked in an office where the manager told everyone to stand up at their desks at same time each day and do the most ridiculous 'stretching' exercises - said it was health and safety. I refused. She went crazy

You shouldn't need to do this unless stated in your contract (which is what my excuse was)

This is absolutely ridiculous! Be in no doubt about that. This is thoroughly inappropriate in the workplace.

Just say 'no' firmly next time she tries.

Bloody hell, there are some weird people out there!

I guarantee that you won't be the only one who doesn't like this. To be honest it's so fucking weird that I'd have no quarms at all about telling her not to do it. Other posters are right - better not to turn it into 'can I have a quiet word' just say openly that you insist that she doesn't hug you next time she tries.

Don't have a quiet word - she could make it out that you have issues instead of her
Do you have team meetings? Raise it at next meeting - jovially - yes just wondering about those hugs, I'm not very comfortable with them.

Chances are plenty of other colleagues will also speak up

How can anyone ever even think this is acceptable?!

Seriously!! YANBU

Makes my skin crawl thinking about it. Report her to hr.

Wow. Thats totally inappropriate in the workplace. And also terribly Un-British ;) Do the MN thing. 'No' is a complete sentence. If she insists, send her an email telling her how inappropriate it is an how uncomfortable it is making you feel.

Good grief.

I am wondering about the rest of your new team - surely you're not the only one who doesn't welcome this?

Do you have a new line manager? I think I might have a private word with her/him, to say "look, as you know x hugs everyone every day, I am uncomfortable about it and am going to speak to her today to ask her to respect my personal space". That way, if it blows up into something or if there's some underlying issue that means it would be better dealt with by your manager or by HR, you're covered.

I'm shuddering reading this thread and loathe anyone except nearest and dearest hugging me. It's also totally inappropriate doing it in an office. I would just tell her straight, I certainly wouldn't let it continue.

This is really just too weird, OP, and I'm by nature a hugger. But not at work!

While many of these suggestions are highly amusing, I think a simple, very clear NO THANK YOU is all that is required.

You will no doubt be a hero to your co-workers, who probably feel the same way.

Gah, there is no blummin way I would play along with this shit! But then, I recall a dear friends wedding when a fellow (drunk) guest wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug. The horrified silence was palpable, literally the reception was silent. Thats how much I don't hug.

Next time let them hug you. But don't let them stop. If they try to back away from you, walk with them still hugging. Hung them like a limpet hugs a rock. Hug them like a toddler hugs their parent on their second day at nursery. Hug them like the baby of a bungee jumping koala.
If they succeed in fighting you off say in a desperate pained voice "you'll hug me again tomorrow won't you?!"