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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:23

I think it also depends on ops friendship with the guests in the first place. If they are generally awkward, whiney, arseholes then I would ignore them ( and question why I had invited them to stay in the first place) but if they are generally nice, normal people then I would have taken their disappointment seriously and felt bad that they were clearly unhappy, because, you know, friends are generally people we care about and want to be happy.

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 19:24

She probably didn't explain the sleeping arrangements because she didn't think she'd have to. The sleeping arrangements should have been perfectly acceptable. The OP wasn't to know she was going to be dealing with such rude entitled guests.

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 19:26

I don't think the OP had met them before.

Ooooooooh · 19/03/2015 19:27

It's very normal for us to sleep in the same room as our kids HOWEVER I would have unplugged the computer and moved it into my room so the family could have had two rooms.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2015 19:27

The guests are OP's DP's friend and his wife. OP was meeting them for the 1st time, which IMHO makes their attitude even worse.

SirChenjin · 19/03/2015 19:30

YANBU. There were perfectly good reasons why the kids couldn't sleep in the spare room or on the sofas - and if they like to have a shag every night and couldn't face one night without DTD they should have gone to a hotel. Rude guests.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:31

Sorry I missed that op had never met them before.
Maybe they were just wankers then!
I'd still be gutted though, I'm always gutted when I think I'm going to have a good weekend for sleep and then I don't!

TarkaTheOtter · 19/03/2015 19:33

I always ask guests if they want to share with their children. Most don't. I often move one of mine in with us when we have friends with children staying as I know there's will sleep worse due to being away from home and I want them to be comfortable/have fun.

I think they were rude (especially as they could have taken the living room option) but I think in general most people would prefer to sleep in a separate room from the children if possible.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 19:35
  • Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake Thu 19-Mar-15 19:23:3

I agree with you. The whole thing smells fishy to me, its very unusual for people to kick up such a stink and one wonders what the actual set up was...

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 19:37

I like sharing with our DC, its cosy and fun.

but if it was ultra cramped and uncomfortable perhaps not.

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 19:38

Yes Just it does. No one should have to justify themselves in their own home!!
I don't run by sleeping arrangements when I host, with the exception of my cousin who has a son with ASD, global learning disability and epilepsy. She has my double bed so she can keep him safe. I know he fell down the stairs when she stayed with a friend once who put him in a separate room. As someone who works with the disabled I completely understand this and make sure they are accommodated with his safety and her piece of mind a priority. They love coming here!

trixymalixy · 19/03/2015 19:39

They were rude, but I prefer to avoid sharing a room with my kids where possible. It definitely doesn't make for a good night's sleep!!

EveDallas · 19/03/2015 19:43

My sister had a houseguest whose child pulled over and got stuck under a 3 ft wooden elephant that had been stored out of the way in their attic room (because he was quite a 'spirited' child and on the previous visit had managed to smash a very precious ornament). By best reckoning he was stuck for about 40 minutes before anyone noticed. Some kids are too inquisitive for their own good.

I don't blame op for not letting the kids stay in her office - Its not a bedroom.

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 19:44

A three year old should not sleep alone on a room with electrical equipment and wires to fiddle with, common sense, plus waking up for loo or early in a strange house. The parents should be pleased op was being sensible!

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 19:45

AlPachinos, the reason I moved breakables into office was so guests would feel more comfortable about their children running around playing, without worrying something might get knocked over or broken. We have lots of fragile ornaments, glass bowls etc that could easily smash. I think it's more relaxing for everyone if hosts make communal areas child-safe before guests arrive.

Re the sofa and office, it's not just fear of damage to furniture but the risk of the children being injured if unsupervised. Fingers could easily get trapped in sofa mechanism. Monitors can fall off desks onto child if they pull on wires, and a 3-year-old might be tempted to fiddle with cables and wires, or put them in mouth.

OP posts:
CunningCat · 19/03/2015 19:46

X post Eve! That could have been fatal! A very good point to make!

NorbertDentressangle · 19/03/2015 19:48

I'm amazed at how many people on this thread would assume they would be in a separate room to their children if they were going to 3 bedroomed house or expect to be told sleeping arrangements in advance.

If friends are kind enough to invite you to stay then surely you go with the flow and be thankful.

(obvious disclaimers apply eg. if you need a travel cot or space for one/have to be in same room as child/safety issues over toddlers etc)

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 19:49

You don't need to justify yourself, Sukie, they were very rude. I would not have them back to stay again.

KatieKaye · 19/03/2015 19:52

I used to have the 3rd bedroom in my house set up as an office.
Even if I had moved the computer equipment there would have been no room for anyone to sleep in there because it's a single room and the desk, chair and three bookcases took up most of the floor space. One small child (in a sleeping bag) could have slept there at a pinch, but not if they were over about 5.

I too have had many visitors staying and have seen accidents happen to furniture, carpets, ornaments etc when parents and children have been in the same room. Because accidents happen and you just deal with them as best you can. And as quickly as possible in the case of the child who'd been fed pureed carrots and then sicked them up all over my cream carpet).

But there is no way I would want two young children sleeping in my living room alone as I would be worried about what might happen to the things I have worked hard to pay for. I don't think that is precious at all - I think it's common sense.

KatieKaye · 19/03/2015 19:56

If they look hard enough your friends might find another object that will contain that spirited child for a whole hour, Eve. Grin

slithytove · 19/03/2015 19:56

Yanbu.

We have a 4 bed house, and only one room set up for guests. Though our sofa is shit so guests often sleep in there.

What we would likely do though is put our kids in with us and let guest kids have their room.

Study has no space for a bed whatsoever, it's all desk and books.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 20:01

We have lots of fragile ornaments, glass bowls etc that could easily smash

The house we just stayed in was full of glass ornaments and fine china pieces on display and my dc never touched them, because we also have lovely ornaments at home and they don't touch those either.
I would not have blamed our hosts at all if they wanted to move these items though, but there is a pattern in your op thats creating a picture.

tiny teething babies generally stuff things in their mouths, not 3 year olds.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 20:06

Their behavior does sound extreme and I am wondering WHY as guests and hosts usually work a two way compromise street, one carefully attending to guests and guests being careful in someone elses home.

Our home works for us, to entertain and enjoy, we don't work for it and worry over it. Some people sound like their homes are precious sacred churches.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:06

Those things could also be stored in your bedroom if they need to be kept out the way.
When I have a friend and her son to stay I usually spend a good couple of hours changing the office into a bedroom...removing wires, clearing space etc. because I know she sleeps better when she's not sharing a room with her son.
Maybe I should just tell her tough shit, I'm not putting myself out for you, guest or no guest!

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:09

YANBU
Absolute arses. Sleeping in the same room as your kids for a couple of nights isn't going to kill you, and being so rude about it :o

And people saying 'if you have two spare rooms', OP doesn't have two spare rooms. She has one. The other is her office.