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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
bialystockandbloom · 19/03/2015 18:36

They were extremely rude, YANBU.

N0RMABATES · 19/03/2015 18:39

I would have stayed at a hotel...I would have left the kids with you though Wink

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 18:47

You don't sound precious, besides, you have every right to be about your own home and possessions.

Yes of course but if one is super precious, and thinks a sofa is going to be ruined by some one sleeping on it, I assume OVER sheets and blakets, then one has to weigh up wether its worth having guests?

I would love to see a sofa ruined by a small child sleeping on it Confused

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 18:51

We also stored other breakables in here to make rest of house more child-friendly

Ummmmmm

I really am picking up preciousness here.

I think they felt uncomfortable because of this, it reels off people it really does.

echt · 19/03/2015 18:51

Weeing on the sofa would do that.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 18:53

Oh I see they were bed wetters were they?

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 18:54

I feel a bit sorry for them tbh, if I was in their shoes, invited to stay at someone's new three bed house, and wasn't told in advance that they were treating it as a two bed, I would expect the kids to be in a separate bedroom. I would be gutted to find out we were all sharing because I love my sleep and would not have been expecting a night of disturbed sleep for everyone. I hope that I would be slightly less obvious about my disappointment but inside I would be thinking "but there are THREE bedrooms'!!
As someone else said, when I have visitors whose children need to sleep in our office I just adapt the room...cover monitors with throws, remove breakables (anything precious gets put in our bedroom then it's safe for the weekend) and then give the kids the office to sleep in.

AmysTiara · 19/03/2015 18:55

Op can be as precious as she likes, it's her bloody house.

They were very rude

zfactor · 19/03/2015 18:57

When you invited them to stay, you should have explained the sleeping arrangements; I certainly would not expect to be sharing with my children if we were all invited somewhere unless this had been explained when the invitation was issued. However, your guests should have just accepted the situation they found themselves in, rather than complaining and trying to change the arrangements. Their rudeness is worse than your oversight.

So yes, I think you were unreasonable in your assumption that parents would want to share a room with their children, but your guests were very unreasonable in the way they reacted.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2015 18:57

OP I hope you at least provided slippers, bathrobes, a turn down service and a chocolate on their pillows. Wink

echt · 19/03/2015 19:00

No, Alpacino, but well within the range of possibilities for a three year-old.

miniavenger · 19/03/2015 19:02

YANBU, next time don't invite them to stay. I've slept on many a camp and blow up bed on the floor and when my DNs come to stay they have to sleep on camp beds because we have no spare room.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:03

AmysTiara yes it is ops house, I don't think that was ever in question. But it's also quite nice to try to make sure guests are comfortable and have a nice time. I'm not saying that's the guests weren't rude, but they obviously were very disappointed and not very good at containing that. If I was the host in that situation I'd be a bit mortified that friends had made the effort to come and see me and then had a bit of a rubbish time and gone home knackered!

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 19:03

'I think they felt uncomfortable because of this, it reels off people it really does.'

Only if those people are entitled gits who think other people's homes are a 5-star hotel.

Doesn't piss me off at all how precious people are about their own homes where I'm a guest. If I didn't like it, I'd get a hotel (where they'd have to share a room with their kids, anyhow).

Cannot believe people think their hosts should discuss sleeping arrangements beforehand, other than if the guests need to bring extra bedding or pillows.

When you stay at someone's, you take what is offered graciously or find another place to stay.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:08

Ps I do agree that it's fine to all bunk in, sleep on the floor etc, when everyone is expecting to do that...eg if we go camping and are sharing a tent, or to a b&bs and share a room, then I would be prepared in advance to not get very much sleep that weekend.
But if I've been thinking oh how lovely, a weekend away with friends, kids in separate rooms = good quality sleep for everyone! then I would be gutted to realise we were all bunking in together = less sleep for everyone = everyone finishing the weekend quite tired and grumpy!
I know not everyone is the same, some people are fine on less sleep, but personally I would have been gutted and frustrated that a bedroom was out of bounds and that we hadn't been told that when we were invited.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:09

Expat but the. Everyone would say how rude they were if they turned up, said we don't like the sleeping arrangements we're off! And they may not have budgeted for a hotel so that isn't necessarily a realistic option.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:10

That should say but then!

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 19:11

Not Mine Echt and perhaps not these guests.

Op can be as precious as she likes, it's her bloody house.

yes of course, but being precious is not always so conducive to having people in it.

worrying about wires, sofas, buttons, recliners, moving precious things out of the way Confused.

we have been and stayed at many houses with young DC from very grand to very basic, friends/ family/ hotels and b and b's we have been happy to kip down anywhere, HOWEVER our hosts have been totally relaxed and not fussed about such things.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 19:11

Then tough shit for them. Not on to gripe about it all weekend. How is it less sleep? Most 3 and 7-year-old sleep through the night. And if they don't, then they'd wake up the parents wherever they were.

waithorse · 19/03/2015 19:13

They sound very rude. Angry

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 19:14

I know not everyone is the same, some people are fine on less sleep

Our last bunk down stay was in a beautiful home, lots of Objects - everywhere, many home made by resident artist.

We were all in same room, dc on floor, I got no sleep either, but had to be with younger dc, she was just over tired, so wasn't due to room however it did mar the trip, I was madly tired.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 19:15

Well yes, that's one way of looking at it. But I'm just saying that the tough shit approach isn't particularly kind or welcoming coming from a host.
I think quite a lot of people get less sleep when there are four people ina room, two of whom are small and probably over excited, instead of two adults. They will want to go to bed at different times for a start, then the kids get woken up when they might normally have slept through. Then there's getting them settled again and then instant wide awake time when the kids wake up, if they were in their own room the kids could chatter to each other but with parents in the room too everyone gets woken at the same time.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 19/03/2015 19:16

Only if those people are entitled gits who think other people's homes are a 5-star hotel

Perhaps the op was treating her home like a 5 star hotel and being overly precious about it?

We have a beautiful home, we are not precious about things in it, however. We make guests the no 1 priority and no guest has yet - young or old, peed on anything, broken any of Objects chewed through wires, or done any damage and we have seen lots of traffic.

If I worried about my possessions, worried about my things, I wouldn't have guests in the first place.

Hissy · 19/03/2015 19:21

Hmmm... I bet they were hoping to christen your spare room for a lie in while YOU took care of the kids

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 19:23

I agree with expat. When invited to someone's home as a guest you should have the grace to accept what's on offer. I have NEVER expected people to run past sleeping arrangements with me!

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