To expect people to share a room with their children?

[Sukie272]

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

It's natural for them to assume that they will therefore get a room for their children and a private room for themselves

goodness me, it is terribly unreasonable and more than a little stupid to assume that a three bedroom house has a third bedroom that can sleep two children. You would have to have led a very sheltered life to labour under that misapprehension.

And how terribly rude to be of the mindset that guests should assume anything of their hosts. Guests who think like that are the sort of people that few would want to invite back.

The easy and best way seems to be for you an d your partner to sleep in the lounge, the friends in your bad and their children in the spare room.
Easy and comfortable for all

All the adults had beds under OPs arrangements - and the kids were perfectly happy on mats on the floor. So everyone was comfortable. No suggestion that anyone was uncomfortable, although they were miffed.

It was the best arrangement for OP and her partner.
It could hardly be the "best" arrangement for the people who actually live in the house to sleep in the lounge when all their personal possessions are in their bedroom - clothes, jewellery boxes, hairdryer, makeup etc - they would need to be popping in and out all the time.

Your suggestion would mean a massive inconvenience and upheaval, would not be at all easy and clearly would not suit OP or she would have done it in the first place.

So, probably the worst solution of all.

they were staying for three nights and were provided with a private space they merely had to share with their very own children. Not exactly a hardship.

John not comfortable for a heavily pregnant woman to be Kipling on the sifa when she has a perfectly good bed of her own. And bad in the person who expects them to give up their bed.

I think it's hilarious: the horror at sharing a room with your own loved small children. They hadn't been put in a room with wild beasts and axe murderers.

God some of you lot sound like an absolute hoot as hosts!
Ex pat I've given up my bed for visitors many a time and not one of them I would describe as fucking entitled. I just put my guests comfort above my own when they come to visit, because it is so rewarding when they go home all relaxed and have had a lovely time.
I am baffled by this idea that we should not put ourselves out for friends.

'Ex pat I've given up my bed for visitors many a time and not one of them I would describe as fucking entitled. I just put my guests comfort above my own when they come to visit, because it is so rewarding when they go home all relaxed and have had a lovely time.
I am baffled by this idea that we should not put ourselves out for friends.'

Good for you, here's a medal. I am equally baffled by any guest who would put their comfort above that of their heavily pregnant host by sleeping in their bed whilst the pregnant woman slept on a sofa. Or left the hosts to look after their young children whilst they slept half the morning away.

We have stayed in many peoples' homes as guests with DD2 and DS who has autism and ADHD and never expected to be accommodated in separate bedrooms or to leave our children for our hosts to feed and look after until 11am.

Very easy to sleep with them, use ear plugs, a fan and take Kalms. And that's with DS being a very early riser

Stayed with DD2 just a couple of months ago with friends. She and I shared a bed and I got up to have breakfast with the hosts rather than lie in and expect them to look after my child, too.

Well I was resending to your post that said anyone who slept in the hosts bed was fucking entitled even if it was offered.
I think that's entirely untrue.
But thanks for the medal :)

Whatthefuck op is in her third trimester, what about her comfort. It works both ways, you have to be a good guest too.

Whathefuck, there was only one spare room, not 2!

I think it's extremely entitled. There's no way I'd sleep in the host's bed, even if offered, and leave them to sleep on a sofa or air mattress.

I took expats statement to mean anyone, not specifically the guests in the op, anyone, that's what I was disagreeing with. I would never for one minute let someone who needed a bed more than me give it up and sleep on the sofa, but as a genre real rule I give the guests the most comfortable sleeping option and if that's my bed then they can have my bed.
I'm lucky I guess the only people I have come to stay are people I really like and care about, it's a pleasure to have them and I want them to be as comfy as possible. If I was having people stay who really got on my tits then I'd probably be less hospitable.

'I would never for one minute let someone who needed a bed more than me give it up and sleep on the sofa,'

These people had a bed. They were not on the sofa.

Exactly expat, they had twin beds.

all the guests were comfortable - the adults all had beds and the kids were fine on the floor. So not sure why you are going on about giving up your bed, as in the adult guests had beds and were made as comfortable as possible given only two bedrooms were available.

This isn't about competitive hosting and who would be happy sleeping in the dog's kennel as long as they had a warm glow knowing they had raised the bar one notch higher in the hospitality stakes. It is about two adults who were rude and demeaning to their hosts and then had the gall to laze in bed for hours leaving a virtual stranger, who just happens to be heavily pregnant, entertain their children.

it's highly unlikely they would have been satisfied with any arrangement bar the royal suite at the Ritz.

I love sharing a room with our kids, it's one of the joys of being on holiday! I certainly wouldn't have been putting them to bed at 7 when staying with friends, either, not least because they'd have been too excited to sleep!

YANBU and I would suggest a hotel next time methinks

We often stay with friends and they have a double spare room and a single spare room (with trundle single mattress too) and also an office with a double sofa bed. I never assume we will be in the double room and DD somewhere else. Sometimes we are, sometimes we're not, depends who else is visiting and lots of other factors. We are grateful that we're not staying in a hotel and are essentially staying with friends for free. If we're in the double bed and DD is elsewhere, then that's a bonus. It is no trouble to have 5yo DD in our room on a mattress, she is asleep by the time we go to bed and she sleeps through. DH tends to get up with her in the morning as they're both early risers, we rarely leave her to be entertained by anyone else.

YADNBU. Your house, your sofa, your stuff. Their choice to stay with you (and accept your arrangements) or to go to a hotel.

And these guests left a pregnant woman with morning sickness to look after their kids from 6am to 11 am claiming they were doing her a favour?

When in Rome.

Springtulip Fri 20-Mar-15 19:26:11
And why wouldn't you want a three year old in very close proximity to you in a strangers house. So weird.

Children are an inconvenience and should be banished to separate sleeping accommodation as soon as possible.

Except that's a very modern and very western way of thinking.

Its really rather sad that its our social norm really.

Aw boo frickin hoo. So your guests had 3 nights of bad sleep. They should try 3 YEARS! [bitter emoticon]

Surely they can suck it up until they go home. How bloody precious. And it's pretty shit they had a lie in until 11, leaving pregnant op entertain their DC while she's contending with morning sickness.

It's quite obvious to me they were going to do that all along (from all the "getting practice" comments), and just wanted separate rooms so they didn't get woken by their DC.

Do you think they'd return te favour once you have your baby? Invite you to stay and let you lie in while they entertain your DC? Nope, didn't bloody think so.

They dumped their kids on you (a stranger to them) for FIVE hours?

I would never manage to sleep knowing my son was up and awake, I'd never dump him on anyone without them making it absolutely clear to me that was what hey wanted to do, and they would have to be close friends.

Don't ever allow them back. They are vile and rude

OP what are you going to do about those sofas when your child starts standing and climbing?

zirca Shut the door to the office? Use a stair gate? Easily dealt with.

zirca I have several delicate things in my living room. iPod dock, ps4 charger, that sort of thing. DS knows not to touch them and has done since he started moving.

He has friends round next week and I will be removing the delicate items, because I don't know if the other toddlers will avoid touching them.

I imagine op will operate in a similar way. Not put the leg rest of her sofa down until she has taught her child, that sort of thing. It's pretty normal.

As usual, everyone in the thread seems to have perfectly behaved children who never ever touch expensive ornaments and manage to sleep in an office full of electronics and leave it exactly as it was when they go.

In real life, this is as rare as hens' teeth.

My DH and I have no children. We don't own a huge amount of "precious" stuff, but the number of times we've had friends staying with kids, they have ALWAYS managed to ruin something, break something or leave an indelible mark in the house.

One of my nephews vomited all over our carpet. Had he been sleeping on the sofa, he would have ruined it. Our carpet still has stains on it from that time.

One of our friend's child pulled and broke the curtains.

Another friend's child managed to pull a cactus off its pot. That cactus had been in my DH's family for many years. It died after the ordeal. Very funny for the child's parents, who found it hilarious, but quite sad for my DH. It had belonged to his recently deceased grandma.

I managed to stop another of my friends' child before she smashed a glass vase we bought in Prague for our second wedding anniversary. This vase had been moved to a place the child would not reach, but said child managed to climb over the furniture and reach it, because the mum was not supervising her.

I believe having children has many effects on your lives, and one of them is making you care less for material things. However, other people may actually care things which have meaning for them, and not want someone else's children to break them if possible. I do not think this is precious at all, but hey, I may be in the minority here.

And no, I would not let any child sleep in my office if there is more suitable space for them elsewhere.

Well said aurynne. As I said upthread, I'd love to know where I could get one of these impeccably behaved small children, as I know of none, either my own or the offspring of anyone else. To be honest, I'd be worried about a small child who doesn't want to explore and find things out for themselves.

I also think that when you have little ones, it's incredibly unrealistic to go away with them and expect a decent amount of sleep. The mere excitement of being in a different place and different routine means most children won't sleep as well as they normally do, or behave as well as they usually do. I'd much rather be in the same room as them so at least I can make sure they're not tearing our very kind hosts' home apart.