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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:10

An office which can be used for sleeping in, very much like a bedroom.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:14

AlPacinosHooHaa

You're projecting an awful lot of stuff onto the OP Confused

PoppyFleur · 19/03/2015 20:14

Unbelievably rude people, they came to stay for a weekend at a friends house not a hotel. Shockingly bad behaviour.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:15

whatthe Depends on the office actually whatthefuck. Mine is not child friendly and would not be made so by 'chucking a sheet' over monitors or what have you.

You wouldn't suggest someone turning their kitchen into a bedroom, why an office?

NorbertDentressangle · 19/03/2015 20:16

Why is everyone saying that the office is a spare room? It's not, it's an office.

Also, depending on how much furniture and stuff is in there, there might not be any floor space for one child to sleep, let alone two!

In a lot of UK houses the third bedroom is often tiny. It's not called a box room for nothing!

lomega · 19/03/2015 20:17

YANBU. If they weren't happy with the sleeping arrangements they didn't have to sleep over, or could have booked a hotel. You provided a guest room for them and they acted ungratefully. YANBU.

I agree with pps who've said you are not a hotel, what would they have done if you'd only had a 2 bed place/no office?

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:22

Well I wouldn't imagine the average spare bedroom being used as an office has an oven, sharp knives etc in it.
Obviously if there is no space then there's no space and there's no point having the discussion.
But if it's a case of moving some wires, covering up monitors, taking a few bits out and stashing them in my bedroom, then yes I'll do that to make room for guests. As I've said I do do that every time I have visitors with children, I am speaking from experience! I could just say well that's terribly inconvenient so you can all share a room, but I don't because I think one of the advantages of having a three bedroom house is being able to accommodate guests more easily.
I don't understand the comments re the guests thinking this is a hotel, they weren't asking for room service, or miniature toiletries, or a full cooked breakfast.
They were just obviously baffled as to why there was an extra bedroom ( which technically it is, I'm sure op wouldn't market the house as being a two bed plus office) which wasn't being utilised, at the expense of their comfort/sleep.

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 20:24

Why wouldn't they have got a good nights sleep with their children anyway. Presumably their children would have been fast asleep by the time they got to bed. What on earth did they think their kids would have been doing.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:27

Spring I think there have been quite a lot of posts answering that question already. Several people have explained that sharing a room with two adults and two children does not always lead to a good nights sleep. Maybe your children always sleep soundly through adults coming in, getting changed, talking and going to bed, and then wake up at the same time as the adults in the morning causing little or no disruption to the sleep of the adults. But it doesn't take a wild imagination to think of reasons why it wouldn't be as simple as that.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:28

No, but my office has medical implements in it, monitors that can be pulled off, important paper work, personal documentation, large bookcases that could be pulled on, expensive musical instruments... presumably the OP has similar in hers.

The point is it is not a bedroom. There's no technically about it. It was an empty room. It is now an office. A bedroom it is not.

whatthe if your sleep is so terribly important to you that you would demand people change their houses round to accommodate you even further when there's perfectly acceptable sleeping arrangements, it might be best to just stay at home, or get a hotel (oh shit no, you'd be expected to sleep with them then as well Wink )

I can't believe you'd expect someone to dismantle their office because you can't deal with sleeping in the same room as your kids for a night or two.

keepsmiling2015 · 19/03/2015 20:30

YANBU at all!

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:32

I don't feel massively put out when I change things around at home to make space for guests, I think I its part and parcel of hosting and it's never bothered me to spend a couple of hours sorting out the office so it's child friendly.
I have already said up thread that if I were the guest in this situation I would feel dissointed and frustrated but I would try to internalise that and not be as rude as they were. So no, I am not demanding anything, I am just saying that I would go out of my way to make my guests comfortable if I was the host.

TendonQueen · 19/03/2015 20:34

Agree with whoever said they were hoping for a lie in while the kids sauntered downstairs to be fed and entertained by you. And yes, YANBU and they were rude and entitled.

GraysAnalogy · 19/03/2015 20:35

They did make space for their guests. In the spare room.

The thing is not everyone is the same, I couldn't child friendly my office.

ChipDip · 19/03/2015 20:35

They are small children and could be slotted in anywhere fine. The parents sound precious over their darlings. I wouldn't have them over again.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 19/03/2015 20:37

Got to be honest here, I don't even have kids! But I do genuinely have friends who say that they get a rubbish nights sleep when sharing with theirs, and so I do turn our office into a bedroom when they come and stay.
If I went to visit a freind and had to share a room with small children I would be v v disgruntled Grin

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 19/03/2015 20:37

YANBU ( though I love the description of your sofas ) Smile

Blu · 19/03/2015 20:47

What do two small children do that causes such a terrible night's sleep? That a snoring adult in the same bed does not do?

If they wake with nightmares, or ill, or crying, or whatever, you would have to get up to them anyway, even if they were in another room.

balletgirlmum · 19/03/2015 20:47

It would take more than a few hours to transform my office into a bedroom.

It has a desktop PC, electronic keyboard, floor to ceiling bookcases & cabinets with never arch files, books in. Drawers with confidential paperwork & customers persobsl data. Two shredders, a guillotine, laminator. Piles of marketing stuff & some heavy equipment.

balletgirlmum · 19/03/2015 20:48

My two are 11 & 13 & we share a family room in hotels.

littlehouseinthebigwoods · 19/03/2015 20:50

I was wondering the same thing blu

Op, YaDnbu!!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 19/03/2015 20:51

They were rude. I wouldn't have them stay again.

FantasticMax · 19/03/2015 20:53

If I'n honest I can see why they didn't want to share with their kids, especially if they are anything like mine and it was for 3 nights. Mine always wakes up earlier than usual and shuffles around in the night, which wakes me up. A very restless night's sleep.

However, I wouldn't have dropped hints to host. Especially after you had offered them a viable alternative and they had declined. That's very rude.

Flyinggeese21 · 19/03/2015 20:54

YANBU. If they were my guesses, regardless of other spare rooms, I'd have assumed that children of that age would be more settled sharing a room with parents (in a house they'd never visited before), and that the parents would think like that too.

The set up you had for them sounds lovely and they were rude to not just go with it.

SwirlyThingAlert · 19/03/2015 20:59

I can see it from both sides. We have two kids, and if we'd have been sleeping over at a three bedroom house and we all got to bunk in together if I'm honest my heart would have sunk a bit!
Only because they're little gits at bedtime and refuse to go to sleep when they're in the same room and wind each other up so it's more hassle
The parents were really rude to mention it to you though. You provided adequate sleeping arrangements, they should have just sucked it up!