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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
Snozberry · 19/03/2015 17:13

I do think there is nothing wrong with families sharing a room, but your comments about your delicate sofa and fragile electronics and so on make me think they may have felt a bit uncomfortable in your house and that's why they felt the need to make a fuss. No one wants children running wild but you seem overly tense about them.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 17:13

Your guests were very rude. I would not invite them back to stay again. You don't sound precious, besides, you have every right to be about your own home and possessions.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/03/2015 17:13

Just never invite them again

Rude, rude, rude

Next you'll be telling us they didn't turn up with half a dozen bottles of wine

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 19/03/2015 17:13

But the other room wasn't a spare room.. it's an office..

^^ This...

The OP has one spare room. They were offered and alternative of having the mattress in the living room which they declined.

YANBU

OnlyLovers · 19/03/2015 17:13

YANBU. Utterly rude and ungrateful of them; and what were they expecting? How many people actually have more than one spare room?!?

Jeanne, you would genuinely expect someone to clear out their office so an occasional guest didn't have to share a room with their own children? Confused

Hopefully they won't want to come again. Grin

fluffymouse · 19/03/2015 17:14

I agree that asking onc was fine, but to keep on asking/dropping hints is not on.

Maybe next time discuss sleeping arrangements prior to inviting guests? That way they can make alternative arrangements if it doesn't suit them.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 17:14

Making a fuss when you are a guest in someone's home is fucking rude. Always.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2015 17:15

I would have asked would they prefer to be at home, since our sleeping arrangements were so unsatisfactory. Or if I'd had a few drinks, simply have used that age old Glaswegian phrase, 'Bolt, ya rocket!' YWNBU, they were rude and ungrateful. No need to put them up again.

engeika · 19/03/2015 17:15

The third room is an office NOT a spare room. OP said she couldn't have kids in there. Admit there is no way I would have a three year old that I didn't know in a non-child-proofed room. Nor if I was a parent want that.

Wires, electrics, computer equipment - a three year old? My own 3 year old was relatively ok but certainly not to be trusted enough not to touch. And it is unlikely there was that much floorspace.

YANBU - If people came here they'd be sleeping in the garden and be grateful Grin

Sorry it didn't go as well as you'd hoped. They can book a hotel next time! And you'll know to discuss sleeping arrangements in advance next time.

OnlyLovers · 19/03/2015 17:15

PS it's not 'precious' to decline to have people sleeping on your sofas or disturbing your office set-up and electronics. Behave yourselves.

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 17:15

When I stay with my friend me and 3 dc's share a room and she has a 4 spare bedrooms. When in someone else's house with dc's I think it's better to share so you know if they get up etc. yanbu

Bunbaker · 19/03/2015 17:15

"Do most people provide 2 rooms for families?"

We do because we have the room. In our last house we didn't, and when my sister and her family came to stay OH and I decamped to the spare bedroom and gave them our bedroom, which was huge and big enough for the 4 of them.

Snozberry · 19/03/2015 17:17

Making a fuss when you are a guest in someone's home is fucking rude. Always.

Obviously. Just trying to see it from their POV as I can't see why anyone would be bothered by having to share a room if that was the only issue.

AliceLidlLovesWindlePoons · 19/03/2015 17:18

YANBU (or precious, a sofa is an expensive thing you don't want ruining), they were rude.

You have the one spare bedroom, and that's where they all slept. I'd actually prefer to sleep with DS in the same room in a strange house, in case he woke up and wandered about disorientated in the dark.

They shouldn't have kept complaining, or asking what the other room is used for, or wanting their children to sleep on the sofa etc. It was rude of them to keep going on and on about it.

gruber · 19/03/2015 17:18

DS (2) and I sleep in the shed in the garden at my sister-in-laws. (Converted, summerhouse sort of thing, but down the end of the garden and obviously a traipse to the house in the dark if you need the loo!) YANBU, they were rude to keep going on about it. I expect to share on holidays and staying overnight, especially if your hosts are kind enough to put you up overnight.

HerRoyalNotness · 19/03/2015 17:26

What you offered was perfectly fine.

We'd bunk down anywhere when staying with friends.

I am terribly embarrassed though when MIL gives up their room for us. She goes in the spare single with her other 2 GC who will visit at the same time, and FIL, bless him, goes on the couch! I feel so awful, but she won't hear a word about it. She is a wonderful host.

If people stay with us, currently we have plenty of room for all, otherwise, our DC would bunk in with us, and the visitors could take their pick of rooms.

muminhants · 19/03/2015 17:27

YANBU

I had a family of four to stay last year from Germany. I've got one spare room - big enough for a double bed but not much else. The parents went in there.

The two kids (girl of 7 and boy of 10) squashed into my son's room (then 11) on camping mats in sleeping bags.

Guests go where they are put not where they think they should go.

BlackbirdOnTheWire · 19/03/2015 17:28

We've always spent an hour or so turning our office/spare room back into a bedroom in advance.

I'd ask parents of under 2s if they wanted to share but would assume nobody else would. When we've had several guests, we've prepared a reception room to be turned into a bedroom too.

Tbh I'm not surprised they were a bit pissed off - from their POV, you've moved into a 3-bed place, you've invited four people to stay, all of whom are presumably in adult-size beds at home, not travel cots or anything, and you CBA to make any preparation for their visit, or bother to discuss in advance. Having said that, they were rude to have gone on about it.

Just don't be surprised if they're not the most hospitable on your next visit. "What, your baby needs a bath? Can't they just go in the shower with you?"... And when your baby arrives, in a matter of months, are you just not going to accommodate people at all, since you're unwilling to sacrifice the third room for a night and you don't want to risk your sofas? I think baby puke is going to be a much higher risk, I recommend you don't sit on them once the baby's here!

seaoflove · 19/03/2015 17:33

And when your baby arrives, in a matter of months, are you just not going to accommodate people at all?

My guess is no, Blackbird, since the OP won't have a spare room at all!

Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2015 17:33

What did your DP make of all this? Will he want them to stay again? Did he think it odd and rude? The friend and his wife sound like bullies. Yes, you want guests to be comfortable and feel welcome, but as they're never met you before, I think they were over familiar and stepped way over the line.

Nomama · 19/03/2015 17:35

Ye gods, tell them to get an overnight babysitter if they want to visit again!

Otherwise cross them off the visitors list.

I am usually the most put-myself-out-they-are-guests type host... but I wouldn't dismantle my working office, or let kids sleep from 7pm in the main living room (new sofas or not).

Ex friends... or at least more arms length I think!

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 17:36

And as expat pointed out it is bloody rude!

Nomama · 19/03/2015 17:37

And when your baby arrives, in a matter of months, are you just not going to accommodate people at all, since you're unwilling to sacrifice the third room for a night and you don't want to risk your sofas?

Well, no, she probably won't as... dan dan daaaaaaa!... she will no longer have a spare room! Lots of people don't and still manage to survive, have friends, etc.

areyoubeingserviced · 19/03/2015 17:41

I think that they were bloody rude tbh.
Even if you offered them a spare room they should have insisted that they slept in the same room as their young children.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2015 17:43

Yanbu at all, they were extremly rude and ungrateful. Next time, send them a list of hotels in your area if they are coming to visit.