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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
notsolovely · 19/03/2015 17:43

I remember staying at my parents friends house, years ago. We all slept in the living room it was great. Op YANBU its your house. I don't think you were being precious about your sofa or office. But so what if you were? Its your sofa and office. You bought the stuff and don't want the kids sleeping on it. As far as I am concerned that's good enough. I stayed with mum for a week a few years ago. Me and dd slept in my old single bed, as mum doesn't like people sleeping on the sofa. If I was staying with someone I would be perfectly happy. You opened up your home to them.

Also I have an office and would not let anyone sleep in there. I don't let me 4 year old in it. Its where I run my business from. Last thing I need is child messing up or pulling out all the paper work.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2015 17:45

Op has every right to be precious about her things, they cost money she doesent quite rightly want them ruined.

expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 17:45

Blackbird is the OP's pest guest Grin.

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 17:47

When you've got a couple of kids and you go to stay in someone's house it would be quite rare to expect perfect accommodation, as in a bedroom for the parents and one for the kids. I'm amazed that they presumed that's what they'd get. What a strange pair, not to be happy to share a room with their own children for a few nights. Yadnbu.

notsolovely · 19/03/2015 17:49

So to the people who think the op is bu, when you bought or rented your house did you ensure you have a couple of spare rooms for guests? Or just not invite them at all?

Aeroflotgirl · 19/03/2015 17:49

Offices are not soare rooms, op çoukd have important paperwork in there, or like she mentioned, expensive equipment. They were extremly rude, if you are staying over with somebody I would most certainly expect to share with my kids. Never have them again!

LittleBairn · 19/03/2015 17:50

They were rude but I don't think it was appropriate for the children's sleeping space to be on the floor. I would not have like that but wouldn't have said anything.

Oldraver · 19/03/2015 17:52

They were very rude and ungrateful, so long as you give them clean sheets there should be no moaning about the set up.

I made the mistake once of giving my Mum and Dad seperate rooms, my Mum then got pissy the next time she came as I hadn't converted the play room (yet) for her. The fact they would of shared a bed had they stayed in their usual hotel was lost on her. I make sure now I ring the changes in which room she gets

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 17:53

Thanks for responses everyone! Smile

Justmuddling, yes my partner thought it odd and a bit rude they expected 2 rooms. He thinks they made the assumption there'd be 2 spare rooms when he mentioned it was a 3-bed house. I agree we should have discussed sleeping-arrangements first.

Blackbird we did offer the parents mattresses in living-room as alternative but they turned their noses up.

I agree maybe they were expecting some quality time alone and sharing with the children ruined any romantic plans!

Re the office, we've got 3 monitors and various electronics set up in there so not practical to move it, and not safe for children with trailing wires. We also stored other breakables in here to make rest of house more child-friendly.

The sofas are a bit of a hazard for young children, they have lots of tempting buttons and risk of trapping fingers in mechanism. They're also fragile so wouldn't want children bouncing on them or climbing when in tilt position.

If they want to come back we'll certainly be clearer about sleeping arrangements and suggest a nearby hotel if they're not happy!

OP posts:
Snozberry · 19/03/2015 17:56

Why is it not appropriate for children to be on the floor? I bet that was their favourite part of it.

KatieKaye · 19/03/2015 18:02

they were very rude indeed. even if they were "disappointed" with the sleeping arrangements the adults should have known better than to try to force you to change the set up.

You have your house the way it suits you and there is nothing wrong with not wanting children sleeping on your new sofas when you'd made arrangements for them.

There is nothing wrong with the children sleeping on the floor. Actually, it's perfectly normal at sleepovers, family gatherings etc. And you even gave them camping mats!

Blu · 19/03/2015 18:03

Why on earth is it 'not appropriate' for children to be on camp mats on the floor?

What else should the OP have done?

I sleep on a camping mat on the floor at my mother's house if other family members are using the beds.

Confused
Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 18:04

Snozberry yes the children seemed excited about the whole thing, I think sleeping-bags and inflatable camping-mats were a bit of a novelty!

OP posts:
Hansolosrolo · 19/03/2015 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluelamp · 19/03/2015 18:12

I hate sharing with the kids (we have 3) but we do it when we have to, in hotels, they are too young to have their own room, but even when they are a bit older I wouldn't have them in a different room unless there was a door between the rooms. I wouldn't actually stay with someone who couldn't put at least the oldest two in their own room and this does mean we don't go to stay with the ILs anymore (PILs have enough room but are very much of the Tetris persuasion and always seem to plan multiple visitors so I don't like staying there because I don't know where I'll end up sleeping).

Having said that you did provide adequate provision and I wouldn't complain about what you provided. Last time DH went to visit his brother he had to share a bed with our two primary age children which was not OK.

Fauxlivia · 19/03/2015 18:12

It's your home, not an hotel. It's not going to be exactly perfect because they have to fit into your space rather than pay to be in a place designed to suit them!

I also think it's perfectly okay to not want to risk other people's kids ruining your own expensive furniture.
They sound like pita guests. I know my own dc would want to be in the same room as me if we were in sn unfamiliar place.

Tomodachi · 19/03/2015 18:14

I usually share a bed with dc (12 and 6) so as not to put any hosts to too much trouble!

You need better guests!

Springtulip · 19/03/2015 18:21

They were rude but I don't think it was appropriate for the children's sleeping space to be on the floor.
Why, kids see that kind of thing as an adventure. What about when you go camping, same kind of thing only you're in a house.

CunningCat · 19/03/2015 18:23

I often share a bed with my eldest dd when visiting people with 2 youngest on the floor, they love itSmile I would never dream of making comments when a guest in someone else's house accepting their hospitality, very rude. It's somones home not a hotel.

Sethspeaks · 19/03/2015 18:24

Bloody hell how rude of them! I'm just happy to be spending time with friends enjoying their company. Kids on camping mats not a problem at all, in fact happy to kip on one ourselves if need be.

Here it's a case of kids all bunking in together on mats, guest adults on same in the lounge, or book the b n b up the road. I would make it clear what the arrangements were in advance and let them decide.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/03/2015 18:25

Imagine if guests put reviews on Tripadvisor. The things that weren't to their liking would be hilarious to read.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 19/03/2015 18:29

Ours are 9 and 11 and we'd all still quite happily share a room. The only problem might be if they were on the floor fast asleep and you had to climb over them to get to the bed, but we'd still manage somehow.

Iggi999 · 19/03/2015 18:35

It seems glaringly obvious they wanted to have sex and yes, it could have been an important time to add an addition to their family!
or they are swingers and were expecting to sleep with you

NorbertDentressangle · 19/03/2015 18:35

If they want to come back we'll certainly be clearer about sleeping arrangements and suggest a nearby hotel if they're not happy!

.....where they'll have to book a family room to share with their DC ! Grin

m0therofdragons · 19/03/2015 18:36

Tell them to book a hotel next time - they were really rude.