To expect people to share a room with their children?

[Sukie272]

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

They might have a lock for the office like a lot of other parents

Our office is all over the house is in the living room on Dh desk.

YANBU OP, your guests were very rude and entitled. Unless there are proper needs to be considered eg need space for travel cot, child with medical condition must be in same room as parent, which host should be poitely infored about IN ADVANCE, then guests go where they are put.

Although, I do think the one left on the sofa in the kitchen with the dog was a bit of a peculiar set up!

I'm absolutely fine Al - gosh, you do have a vivid imagination, don't you? Your last 3 posts in 2 minutes attest to that. It really doesn't matter where your office is, or what the guests were using the house for btw.

Terry - fret not about the sofas

Imperial, the reason we have single beds in guest-room is to accommodate single friends who visit in pairs, also family members (mum, sister etc) who would not be comfortable sharing a double-bed. When we had a couple visit before we pushed the beds together in middle of room to make a continental-style 'double' with space for table and lamp each side. It's a small room so put beds against walls to make more floor-space for children.

They got up with children the first morning but slept-in until 11am the other mornings (blaming poor sleep), I made breakfast for kids and played with them for few hours. I'm up at 6am every day (thanks to morning sickness driving me towards toaster!) so was up when kids wandered down. I actually really enjoyed time alone with the children, they were very cute and funny! Much easier to please than the parents. The mum made a few jokes about 'leaving me to it get some experience' so I think they were feeling frazzled and wanted a break. I also wonder if they assumed a pregnant woman would want to get parenting experience, so saw the trip as chance to relax and let me babysit? They certainly seemed keen for me to entertain children as much as possible!

This is all about expectations, I think. Look at it from their point of view. What they know is that:

1. You live on your own.
2. You live in a three-bed house.

It's natural for them to assume that they will therefore get a room for their children and a private room for themselves. This is why things like sleeping arrangements should always be discussed in advance.

So I don't think there was anything wrong with the sleeping arrangements that you had made, but if your guests had known about them before they arrived it would have saved a lot of embarrassment.

It seems to me, they wouldn't have dreamed of staying had they known they would have been in one room.

better communication needed on both sides.

Your counting and timing my posting now Sir?

what next

I once slept on a friend's sofa for a few nights and was greeted every morning by the dog, a gorgeous greyhound pup. She would clamber onto the sofa and nuzzle and wag. She was all lovely soft nose and huge great paws and long legs all tangled up ...

That's my idea of the perfect wake-up call.

It's natural for them to assume that they will therefore get a room for their children and a private room for themselves

I would not assume this, many people have un usuable third bedroom, but I dont mind sharing, they do, they should have checked and so should OP

It's natural for them to assume that they will therefore get a room for their children and a private room for themselves.

Is it? How? How on earth can people presume to know what others do with all the rooms in their house?

Wow tgey left you to look after their children 2 mornings while they lay in. Ok you dident mind, you actually sound lovely op and very entitled, the more you tell us about them, the worse they sound. I am sure op will put a lock on her office or a gate when the time comes, we have a lock on our office so kids can't mess with the equipment.

Hard not to count them Al - you post so much. As for timing - not exactly, as by the wonders of modern technology, the times appear next to your prolific posts

YY to the about assumptions. If, like Al, you're easily made unhappy with sleeping arrangements provided by kind hosts, or assume that other people will know what your sleeping arrangements are at home and seek to match them to avoid disappointing their sensitive guests, then yes, it's better to double check before you go in case you need to book a hotel.

They sounds very entitled not you op, sorry

AlPaccinos I admit we're a bit nervous about damage to furniture, but I think that's quite normal. I wouldn't want guests to feel uncomfortable which is why we stashed most breakables out of reach in office.

The sofas are fragile in that they need to be in upright position when people get on and off. If the leg-rest things are extended and a child climbed onto this part, the mechanism can break, costing a fortune in repairs. It happened once when a drunk friend forgot and tried to get up by sliding down leg-rests!

OnlyLovers I know what you mean about greyhound puppies! My friend had a gorgeous Italian greyhound pup that would creep into my bed at night and curl up on my feet

but if your guests had known about them before they arrived it would have saved a lot of embarrassment.
Why on earth should there have been any embarrassment. As soon as they were told the sleeping arrangements they should have accepted it. They might have been disappointed but they should have kept it to themselves. They weren't paying guests in an hotel who had a right to feel indignant because they didn't get what they'd asked for. What a pair of deluded entitled prats.

Is it? How? confused How on earth can people presume to know what others do with all the rooms in their house?

Er, well, people make assumptions all the time. That's what people are, great, big, assumption-making machines. If the house is described to them as being a three bedroom house then, what else do you imagine but that it has three bedrooms?

Unless told otherwise - "by the way, we use our third bedroom as an office so you'll be sharing with your children" - how are they going to know?

Nowadays it is pretty rare in Western culture for parents to share bedrooms with their children, so it is only fair to give people fair warning that you expect them to do so.

My friend had a gorgeous Italian greyhound pup that would creep into my bed at night and curl up on my feet
Awwww!

What a pair of deluded entitled prats. That's it in a nutshell.

it is only fair to give people fair warning that you expect them to do so

Good grief - you're bunking down in someone else's house, not a hotel. It's not up to the guest to check that you understand what the sleeping arrangements are going to be in case you've made assumptions. Just be grateful for the bed and stop complaining.

What a pair of deluded entitled prats. That's it in a nutshell.

I agree - the thread summed up in 7 words!

@Springtulip - I think embarrassment can occur as a result of misunderstanding and not just entitlement. I think you're being a bit harsh on the guests here.

I also think that if they had been expecting to have the use of two bedrooms, in a three bedroom house, and therefore some private space for themselves at night, that it's only to be expected that they would feel disappointed and try to find a solution that gave them that private space.

It's not unreasonable to expect parents to share a room with their children, but it's not unreasonable for people to be disappointed following a misunderstanding. That's why you talk about things in advance.

dad, for starters, do we know that the OP has told these guests that they have a three-bedroom house?

Even if she had, it's not massively strange or unusual for one or more
room not to be used as a bedroom; as an office, dressing room, store/junk room ...

And, more to the point, casual overnight guests do not need to know sleeping arrangements in advance. Unless there are specific requirements to do with health or access or whatever; and in that case I'd argue that it's the guests' responsibility to politely bring it up.

And even IF you allowed that these guests had made the assumption they'd have separate rooms, it's ungracious and rude once shown the sleeping arrangements to hint at changing them/complain about not sleeping well in a shared room etc. They're not fucking paying guests.

Just be grateful for the bed and stop complaining.

We're presumably talking about people with their own home. And presumably the host is wanting their guests to be as comfortable as possible.

It's not really a like it or lump it situation, is it?

I'm perfectly willing to doss down on someone's sofa, or in a sleeping bag, or whatever, when visiting friends, but normally people let me know if the spare bedroom I know about in their home is being used by someone else/a computer, so that I know what to expect before I get there.

No no no op is not a hotel, why should she give warning. If their sleeping arrangements are so important to them, they should have checked well beforehand. Once they found out what the sleeping arrangements are they shout have kept their mouths shut and accepted op kind hospitality, or go to a hotel.

Knittingdad, there aren't 2 spare bedrooms in the 3 bedroom house, 1 of them is an office. The were given an alternative, they chose not to take it.

Reasonable people wouldn't have kept harping on about it. I hope the OP never hosts them again, the ungrateful shits

What OnlyLovers said. I presume your posts crossed dad, and she said everything I was going to say.

FFS, they expected own room and someone to sit their kids, then acted like twats when they didn't get to fuck around all night and lie in, which they did anyhow.

Get experience, my arse.

Don't ask these users back again.