To expect people to share a room with their children?

[Sukie272]

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

I would really love to know where I can get me one of these small children who respects property and doesn't break delicate objects or interfere with electrical goods.

Yanbu op. They were bloody rude. And so are some of the people on this thread.

Bogeyface, would anyone really expect a pregnant host to give up her bedroom when she's already offered them a guestroom?!

I'd be embarrassed if friends gave us their bedroom, it would feel awkward, like we were pushing them out or invading their space. I'd much rather camp in living-room with DC, they love sleeping on floors- it's like a big adventure!
We'd never expect 2 rooms when staying with friends. I'd rather keep an eye on my DC and be on hand if they needed anything. If kids were left alone downstairs they could get up to all sorts of mischief! Especially a 3-yr-old.

They wanted to shag in peace and then have a lie in whilst you dealt with the kids. They were rude and entitled. Don't invite them again.

Well speaking only from personal experience, yes they would! Also there was a thread on here about PIL getting the serious arse because the OP refused to give up her bed to them and instead put them on a sofa bed, when the PIL had invited themselves to stay. Iirc it was because they were visiting someone else or were en route to somewhere else, and wanted to save on hotel costs. Some people really are that cheeky :(

And I agree with you, I would rather sleep on the floor than in their bed, it would feel wrong in so many ways.

Don't invite these rude bad mannered individuals again! When you stay in sombodies house, you totally understand that the arrangement will not be like home, you put up with it for that time, after all you are saving on 3 days hotel costs! If they stayed in a hotel, would they have separate rooms for the kids at added costs, I don't think so. Rude, entitled tightwads.

My goodness op, that office was a work environment with work equipment in fgs, why should op and her do put themselves out and create more work for themselves for entitled rude individuals. Next time e mail them a list of local hotels if they are visiting.

People seem so spoilt, these days.

Well DH and I are always happy to share with the children (although a relief when we get back home to our own rooms) however I can see the other side. My brother needs his sleep and is truly miserable if he has to sleep with his children. They keep him awake. So much so that we often have theirs in with us as well when we stay at my dad's.

Then they should have asked about the sleeping arrangements beforehand and book a hotel.

People seem so spoilt, these days.
That's so true, I remember years ago as a child going to stay at my grandmothers house with my parents, brother and sister. It was a very old lodging house so she had permanent guests. It was always a case of putting us wherever there was room but usually me, mum and sis would end up in the attic room with my nan, I've no idea where my dad and brother ended up. I can still remember how much I loved it.
Apart from that, the idea that the OP should give up her room is crazy, why on earth should she, to her they were complete strangers. Who wants someone they don't know sleeping in their bed. Madness.

People seem so spoilt, these days

I agree. I'm amazed (well, not really, it is MN...) that there are so many people on here who are finding reasons to justify the guests' rude behaviour.

I would really love to know where I can get me one of these small children who respects property and doesn't break delicate objects or interfere with electrical goods

And I would love to meet ANY parent who would be happy for their child, prone to these things ^ to do them in someone elses house. as bed weet

Most parents KNOW thier dc and what they are like, I know mine loves stairs, I know as her parent, that going to a house filled with Murano Glass, is going to be fine, it wont interest her, but I do know, stairs WILL, therefore its stairs that are my concern.

MOST normal, civilized parents don't want their DC to cause damage in someone elses house and most, will know their dc and behave and restrain them accordingly.

Op has not given them a chance, and written the DC off as bed wetting, sofa fiddling,finger chopping, wire eating, glass smashing BRATS whom the parents cannot control or know.

there was at least some risk that they might behave like most children

I simply would not take my DC to a strangers house or any house if they were that bad.

You have done completely the right thing. They sound painful. It's your house you can put guests where you want. It's not like you made the grown ups sleep on the floor.

No Alpacino - the OP is being realistic (like MOST normal, civilised people) in recognising that accidents happen, and that small children + breakable and precious items = possible damage despite their parents best intentions.

The OP hasn't written anyone off - she just doesn't want children in one of her rooms with expensive equipment in it. Which is fair enough.

Alpachino if you have been on threads on Mumsnet, you will find out that some parents think the sun shines out of their little darlings bottom, and that they cannot do any wrong. Ultimately it is op and her partners house, they have kindly opened it up to these entitled people, saving them the cost of 3 nights in a hotel, and in return, they have been rude and insolent. The youngest is 3, what 3 year old will not want to touch and pull wires. The friends have the option of a hotel.

'My brother needs his sleep and is truly miserable if he has to sleep with his children. They keep him awake. So much so that we often have theirs in with us as well when we stay at my dad's.'

Oh, please! We all need sleep and are miserable without enough. But we still manage to behave like adults.

They keep him awake . . . they are SLEEPING. Get earplugs and a fan.

He wants a lie in and you all mollycoddle him.

They were astonishingly rude.

MOST people do not have several spare rooms and it is completely normal for families to share.

Agree. Earplugs, fan and a sleeping pill from the chemist.

'Op has not given them a chance, and written the DC off as bed wetting, sofa fiddling,finger chopping, wire eating, glass smashing BRATS whom the parents cannot control'

I disagree. I know my DC very well but would not want to risk them sleeping downstairs alone in an unfamiliar house. They are well-behaved generally but like all kids they sometimes get scared, anxious, overexcited, distracted etc and that's when accidents happen. My DS once smashed an antique vase at a friends' house because he was running away from their dog (in terror since dog was chasing him) and in his panic he collided with display cabinet.
Bed-wetting happens its not the child's fault especially a 3-year-old and yes it would ruin expensive leather.

I don't like adults sleeping in my office, let alone three year olds.

I have sleep problems. Deep, serious sleep problems. So I travel with earplugs, a fan and Sleepeeze from Boots. Everywhere I go. Instead of expecting my host to give me my own room or others to sleep with my kids.

what earplugs do you use, expat? I have those disposable foam ones but they hurt my ears. (tangent alert)

And what's a sleepeze?

Silicon ones from Boots. And Sleepeeze is just Boots own brand Nytol One a Night, but cheaper . If it's chilly, put a sheet or blanket over the fan and turn it to a wall so you still get the white noise without the chill.

Ta. Terrible sleep here too.