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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 20/03/2015 15:59

If their sleeping arrangements are so important to them, they should have checked well beforehand. Once they found out what the sleeping arrangements are they shout have kept their mouths shut and accepted op kind hospitality, or go to a hotel.

Precisely.

the spare bedroom I know about in their home ...

We do not know that the guests 'know' about it.
Anyway, it is an office; it is not a spare bedroom 'being used by a computer'.

For the love of God. People are carrying on like the guests were shown a garden shed and a pile of straw.

knittingdad · 20/03/2015 15:59

And even IF you allowed that these guests had made the assumption they'd have separate rooms, it's ungracious and rude once shown the sleeping arrangements to hint at changing them/complain about not sleeping well in a shared room etc. They're not fucking paying guests.

I disagree with this entirely. Better by far to talk openly about the situation so that it can be changed, if possible, to everyone's satisfaction and enjoyment.

Last summer we rented a couple of holiday homes for people coming to our wedding, and it was a big job trying to allocate rooms and fit everyone in, and I'm really glad that one of our guests talked to us about the arrangements so we could change them.

The OP's partner made the suggestion of moving mattresses downstairs for the parents to sleep on, for example, which wouldn't have been possible if the guests hadn't made it clear they wanted a separate room. Not her fault that sensible offer was declined.

ClockwiseCat · 20/03/2015 16:01

Christ they really are precious aren't they? Confused They were being VU and bloody ungrateful!

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2015 16:02

I don't think that's a meaningful analogy. Renting holiday houses in which everyone has an equal stake/right is not at all the same as being put up in someone's home.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 16:03

'I disagree with this entirely. Better by far to talk openly about the situation so that it can be changed, if possible, to everyone's satisfaction and enjoyment.'

Oh, FFS, it's not a hotel!

FishWithABicycle · 20/03/2015 16:05

YANBU generally and it's very rude for them to have been critical of your arrangements but I've never had anyone to stay without telling them very clearly what their sleeping arrangements will be, whether in our room, in sitting room or whatever, and where their children will be, so perhaps Ywb-a-bit-u not to do that. Sharing with kids is perfectly normal for a single overnight but I would have put more effort into creating another option (probably parents in our room, kids in guest room and us down stairs in sitting room) for a 3 night stay.

SirChenjin · 20/03/2015 16:06

dad - the OP very kindly gave them a room with 4 beds and offered to move mattresses downstairs (she's a better woman than I am...). They did talk "openly about the situation" (whatever that means in this case) but despite it all they still weren't happy and made it clear that their expectations and assumptions weren't being met .

Springtulip · 20/03/2015 16:21

If having your own room separate from your children is so important then the onus is on you to check in advance. It wasnt a big deal to the hosts so didn't think it worthy of a mention. Their spare room is an office, like lots of spare rooms are now. If it wasn't used as an office it could so easily be used as a junk room, or storage. I would never assume spare rooms in a house would always be suitable for guest sleeping in, and certainly not children. Imo the OP is 100% blameless.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 16:22

They are staying in someone's home fgs nit a bloody hotel. The op did not have to have them stay at all! I cannot understand some of the entitled people on here, when you stay with somebody, it is up to a YOU to ask about the arrangements. If you don't like them, book a hotel! Oh no it would cost them more if they want 2 rooms for 3 nights.

Springtulip · 20/03/2015 16:25

Fishwithabicycle
You'd give your bed up for two people you've never met? That's very generous, I'd only do that for people very close to me.

loveareadingthanks · 20/03/2015 16:46

Such a range of views on here.

OP, I think they were pwecious special snowflakes and I wouldn't bother inviting them again. Sleeping on camp bed on floor is no big deal. Sharing with your kids is no big deal. I've done all that (and much less comfortable) loads of times without moaning. You aren't a hotel.

Find it very amusing that quite a few posters on here are unable to process the words 'home office' into, you know, an actual office as opposed to a bedroom with a little computer corner.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 16:46

I woukdent either, why would you, unless they were sick or disabled or very frail. The take what we have, if guests don't like it, there is a Travelodge down the road.

coconutpie · 20/03/2015 16:57

YANBU.

I can't believe some people are defending those rude, obnoxious guests! I would never invite them to stay again, OP. You offered them hospitality and they threw it back in your face. Next time tell them they can check into a hotel.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 17:07

Other than asking if we need to bring bedding, sleeping bags, pillows, camp mats, I don't see where it's my place to question my host on sleeping arrangements in their home, much less expect them to discuss it with me beforehand or for me to moan about it. For real? Have never seen this in real life.

FishWithABicycle · 20/03/2015 17:49

Springtulip to be fair, I wouldn't have someone to stay for 3 nights at all. If I was prepared to have them to stay for 2 nights at all then yes I'd give up my room, but that would be very rare. One of the reasons why I rarely have anyone to stay for more than one night is because the available arrangements are such that I'd only expect anyone to put up with them for one night.

RedToothBrush · 20/03/2015 18:10

Would they have decided to visit you if you lived in a two bedroomed house?

If they wouldn't they aren't friends...

ArcheryAnnie · 20/03/2015 18:18

You sound absolutely lovely, OP, and your guests (the adult ones, anyway) sound rather less lovely. You gave them real beds and a room where the door shuts, which is one up on many people's arrangements when friends come to stay over!

I'm also a bit boggly at the idea of these two parents being so horrified and barely able to cope at the idea of sharing a room with their children for a night or two. Have they really never bunked down with their kids before? I find that so odd.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 20/03/2015 19:16

these sound like the kind of guests who do not bother telling hosts about their/their kids fussy eating fads and dislikes, then turn their noses up and say sorry they dont eat roast dinners have you got any pasta they can eat, expecting the host to whip up something different at the drop of a hat!.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 19:18

And lie-in till 11am every morning, expecting the hosts to feed and entertain their kids, as they had 'crap sleep'. Hmm

Springtulip · 20/03/2015 19:26

And why wouldn't you want a three year old in very close proximity to you in a strangers house. So weird.

John4703 · 20/03/2015 19:26

The easy and best way seems to be for you an d your partner to sleep in the lounge, the friends in your bad and their children in the spare room.
Easy and comfortable for all

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 19:30

'Easy and comfortable for all'

Yep, real comfortable for a woman in 3rd trimester pregnancy kipping on her sofa and looking after guests kids till 11am every morning. Hmm

expatinscotland · 20/03/2015 19:32

Cannot believe any guest would be so fucking entitled as to sleep in the hosts' bed, even if it were offered. That is so far beyond rude it's unreal.

GraysAnalogy · 20/03/2015 19:39

I'm so happy that my 2 best friends are quite happy sharing my corner sofa with few sheets chucked over them when they stay Grin

GraysAnalogy · 20/03/2015 19:40

john what, why on earth should the OP have to vacate her bedroom? How is sleeping on the sofa when she's in her 3rd trimester 'easy and comfortable for all'. If my friends were so selfish and entitled they wouldn't be my friends.