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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect people to share a room with their children?

337 replies

Sukie272 · 19/03/2015 16:53

Last weekend my partner's friend and his wife visited for 3 nights with their 2 sons (age 3 and 7). They were our first house-guests as we recently moved in together. I'd never met them before and was really looking forward to it. We have a 3-bed house and made spare room into a guestroom, with twin beds for the parents and a couple of sleeping-bags and camping-mats for the children. We assumed they'd want to share a room with their children, but when we showed them the guestroom they looked shocked and the dad made a joke about the kids keeping them awake all night!

Over dinner the mum started dropping hints about what we use our 3rd bedroom for, we explained it's our office. We didn't offer to let the children sleep in there as all our computer equipment, fragile electronics and paperwork etc is in there and it's a very small room.

Later that evening we were having drinks in living-room when the mum asked her husband (in front of us) if they should put the kids to bed in living-room and suggested the kids could sleep on sofas. My partner pointed out if they did that, the adults would then have nowhere to sit and socialise, unless we sat around table in kitchen which is not very comfortable (they put their kids to bed at 7pm). Also our sofas are rather delicate leather with electric tilt function so we didn't want children climbing on them or playing unsupervised in night. As an alternative my partner offered to bring the mattresses into living-room so parents could sleep there when we called it at night, but they declined.

All weekend they kept making comments about how badly they'd slept, as if sharing a room with their children was a big nuisance. Their sons seemed perfectly happy about sleeping arrangements and 7-year-old told me it was like 'a really fun sleepover!'

Were we unreasonable to expect them to share with their kids? Do most people provide 2 rooms for families? We don't have our own yet (one on the way) but assumed parents would want to share a room with children to keep an eye on them.

OP posts:
crapfatbanana · 20/03/2015 12:24

They sound fussy, ungrateful and bloody rude. Don't invite them back.

letsgotothebeach · 20/03/2015 12:29

When we stay over at friends homes I tell them not to even bother making up a bed for our 4 year old - he just sleeps in the bed with us!

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2015 12:34

'an extra bedroom ( which technically it is)'
IT IS AN OFFICE. It is an office because it's in the OP's family's house and that is what they use it for.

Piss off with your 'technically'. FFS.

'couldn't you have moved things around/ locked stuff away in the office just for the duration of the visit? I think that's why you got all that hinting.'

I've NEVER made 'hints' like that when staying as a guest in someone else's house. No one who's ever stayed at my house has ever dropped 'hints' about their sleeping arrangements or anything else either. It's called having some basic courtesy and manners.

Bilberry · 20/03/2015 12:38

Not only do I expect to share with my dc when visiting family/friends, I also expect to provide at least some of the beds (sleeping bags/mats). We all go where we can squeeze in including under the dining table if necessary!

YANBU

ImperialBlether · 20/03/2015 12:53

Did they get up with the children in the morning? Do you think they'd hoped that someone else (ie you) would do that if they had a different room?

How many people have two spare rooms?

In their position I would have been more annoyed by the single beds. Aren't most of your guests in a relationship or adult singletons, OP?

SirChenjin · 20/03/2015 12:58

Oh FFS - the OP offered single beds in her house. If you don't like sharing with your kids/single beds/the choice of cereal in the morning/whatever other thing it is you don't like then fuck off to a hotel.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/03/2015 13:01

I know my DC very well but would not want to risk them sleeping downstairs alone in an unfamiliar house

Exactly my point, you know your dc, their limits and what can happen, your in control. YOU dont want your DC wrecking someone elses house.

It sounds like op has battened down hatches, and been nervous about a great many items in her house, and perhaps this translated to her guests who felt uncomfortable.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/03/2015 13:03

BTW I am happy to share, I would have never complained op, I like sharing with my DC, and have no issues with it at all. I would never complain like this couple did.

I do however have a bug bear with people inviting guests over, who then make those guests feel very un comfortable because they are so worried about their house, as if the guests cannot be trusted.

I wouldnt have said anything to you at all but I would't be happy.

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2015 13:04

Oh, give it up, Al!

The OP and partner have A spare room in their house. A spare room. ONE. They made it ready for their guests. The guests wanted two rooms. There are not two rooms.

The guests moaned about this.

When you're being put up in someone's house you take what you're given. You say thank you. You do not try to dictate where you sleep.

That's the long and the short of it. Bollocks to ideas about the OP clearing out/childproofing the office, being 'precious' about her belongings, and all the rest of it.

SirChenjin · 20/03/2015 13:09

Exactly Lovers.

Al - you have taken the OP, twisted it and jumped to massive conclusions. If what the OP did would have offended your delicate sensibilities then it's probably better that you book into hotels from now on as opposed to inflicting them on unsuspecting hosts (either that or develop some resilience)

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 14:21

Al not many people have 2 spare rooms in their house, if tgey were that concerned about sleeping arrangements they should have asked beforehand. Op offered an alternative arrangement which they rejected, that office is a place if work not a spare bedroom. That's what hotels are for next time!

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 14:22

Yes I would be precious about hundreds possibly thousands of counts worth of equipment, money does not grow on trees!

fluffygreentail · 20/03/2015 14:23

We have a 2 double rooms and a very small 1.90x 2.1 m, 3rd bedroom.

At the moment, when we have guests with children stay over, we put the parents in the living room on a sofa bed and the children in the tiny 3rd bedroom.

We remove our baby's cot and changing table (they get squeezed into our room) so the two kids can sleep in ready bed type things.

I find it uncomfortable and awkward but our guests stay with us usually because they have a very long drive of maybe 200 miles one way or the likes.

We sit in the kitchen diner all evening and its ok as its not too squished and enough space.

We definitely put ourselves out and unfortunately, the favour is never really extended back to us as our friends children are slightly older and its not easy to move a full size bed into another room or their spare room is used for working from home.

its so awkward staying a friends house as we are all cramped in and are exhausted but have 4/5 hours of driving as we need to take breaks. not fun tbh and only do it twice a year now.

i dont know what we'll do when our baby is out of a cot which will be another 20 months ish.

i dont enjoying hosting at all due to our tiny house.

op, i dont think you have been unreasonable, people staying should expect to compromise.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/03/2015 14:43
  • SirChenjin Fri 20-Mar-15 13:09:10

Have you read all my posts because I have said I think the guests were rude.

I can think of one house where owners would fuss like op and its a house I dont and wouldnt go too.

I am reading the op and I am reading between the lines, she could have mentioned a thousand things but her posts are littered with references to her house, more than anything I suppose I hope op thinks about her hosting...perhaps she hwas amazing, perhaps not..

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 14:47

No all I've read about is the rudeness of the guests, and why she did not want to offer the office to the kids. She has been more than kind offering a place to stay for 3 days and making up the room for their visit. If they don't like it, that's what hotels are for.

SirChenjin · 20/03/2015 14:48

Yes, I've read all your posts - including the "I wouldn't be happy" bit. As I said, if what the OP was (very reasonably) providing for her guests would make you unhappy then it's a hotel (and some personal resilience) that you need.

And yes, go ahead, read between the lines and come up with your own opinions as opposed to accepting what the OP said if it suits your agenda..

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 14:51

Op was a stranger to them, they were very rude to her face, I could never do that, and just because I have kids does not mean I become as selfish and self centred as hell.

Phephenson · 20/03/2015 14:55

YANBU

and the comment about inviting the kids on their own next time sounds spot on Grin

If they had been paying out for a hotel would they have booked two rooms or would they have shared one? I think it would have been the latter!

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2015 14:59

I have trawled 10 pages to find out what on earth the OP is going to do about the glass ornaments, expensive equipment and delicate sofas when their PFB arrives. No joy yet...

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 15:02

I suppose they will be put away, house prepared accordingly

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 15:03

They might have a lock for the office like a lot of other parents

SirChenjin · 20/03/2015 15:10

I have trawled 10 pages to find out what on earth the OP is going to do about the glass ornaments, expensive equipment and delicate sofas when their PFB arrives. No joy yet...

It is totally and utterly irrelevant what she might or might not do at some point in the future. What is relevant is that the OP has very kindly offered accommodation based on her current circumstances. Don't like it? Either put up or shut up (remembering the manners your parents taught you) or go to a hotel.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/03/2015 15:14

Sir are you ok? I think you need to take some deep breaths your getting very invested in this Grin its AIBU I am saying to the op, not you, essentially NO YANBU HOWEVER, but I am trying to work out WHY their guests behaviour was so odd and I have picked up some clues.

I am allowed to do this, after all. Grin

AlPacinosHooHaa · 20/03/2015 15:15

What is relevant is that the OP has very kindly offered accommodation based on her current circumstances

Where these friends using their house as a base for something else, or was it supposed to be a visit that her DH actually wanted, so it was mutual?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2015 15:16

Surely it's pretty bloody obvious by now that the people were BU Chenjin... Of course they were rude. I'm just worried about the sofas. We had to get rid of our after DD and the stomach flu