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AIBU?

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Original poster

...To think the mum who attacked bullies is RIGHT?

310 replies

candidkate · 19/03/2015 13:40

Just read this story

www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/i-know-what-wrong-im-8870532

This poor mum has witnessed her DD be bullied for years. 15 school kids had the balls to even show up at her home screaming abuse, threatening to kill her poor DD! She comes home furious and attacks one of them, punching the other who tried to break it up.

I don't condone violence full stop. But these were 14 year old hardly little kids who do not know better. I'm sorry but I'm putting my hands on you before you ever harm my child!

It was a daunting situation - she had even called the police and what did they do? Nothing. Kids are killing themselves while schools and police twiddle their thumbs. Enough it enough!

OP posts:
GraysAnalogy · 20/03/2015 14:17

o just because she isn't yelling support from the rooftop in favour of violence, she hasn't experienced bullying etc

No, I said because of the way she has replied and showed very little empathy. Unlike others who may disagree but have done so in an acceptable and dignified way, instead of insulting everyone and chucking the old troll shite about.

I'd rather not discuss her any longer to be honest.

BrainyMess · 20/03/2015 14:29

A 14 yr old boy is much larger and stronger than a 13 year old girl

Hmm depends on the girl.
My 12yo DSD is 5foot 6inches, 4 inches taller than me.

Children of this age can be physically intimidating.

ihatelego · 20/03/2015 14:31

I'm actually terrified of my DS getting bullied.. he's 5 and already we've had some problems because he will not even say no or go away because he takes rules very seriously. The boy that keeps bullying him just has to say he'll tell the teacher on my DS if he tells and that's enough to stop him.

I don't know what I'd do.. consider home schooling? change school? this is all if the school didn't deal with it but my experience so far has not left me hopeful whatsoever. I'd probably take my son to some self defence/martial arts lessons as well.

ConfusedintheNorth · 20/03/2015 14:40

Do I think she was right to hit the teenager: No absolutely not.

Do I entirely understand why she did it: Yes.

I've ran this through my head a few times, and whilst hitting a teenager is never a good idea, given the situation, I might have done exactly that.

Original poster
candidkate · 20/03/2015 14:41

ihatelego - Self defense is a must. Also law down the law at home. Let your DS know that he must defend himself, and that the rules wouldnt work if people didnt follow all of them and following all of them means telling. Also tell other parents who your DC is friends with so that some people can stick up for him and tell the other horrid little boy to sush and be quiet.
After school kneel down to his level and speak with him - look him dead in the eye in front of his mom and let give him the option to be friends - but mention there will be no more mean words.

OP posts:
ihatelego · 20/03/2015 14:47

candidkate thank you for your advice I'm definitely going to be enrolling him in a club or two to help his confidence, I;ve given him the PANTS talk (the boy has been acting innapropriately) and me and DP are working as hard as we can on getting the message to him that it's ok to tell the teacher and this boy is not in charge of him. finger's crossed it will improve, some of the stories on this thread and indeed the one in the news are heartbreaking it surely is one of the worst things you can experience.

I did comment earlier on the thread that yanbu and after reading the rest of the thread i stand by that!

Missymum6 · 20/03/2015 14:52

Storys like this are why I don't want my baby to grow up and go to school ?? im seriously considering home schooling

thatsucks · 20/03/2015 14:58

candidkate

You are too emotional in your responses so you are not reading or understanding what some people are saying and the language you are using is misleading.

I didn't say the children were 'innocent' - I said they were children. Children can be 'guilty' of crimes and of behaving badly. They are still children.

My point is there is a reason why humans, in this country, are not considered to be adults until a certain age and are not considered legally culpable until a certain age.

They are not developed and they do not have the emotional or physical maturity that adults do - they are also beholden to the adults that look after them or don't look after them, neglect them or abuse them. So that will affect their behaviour and moral boundaries.

In terms of you not understanding my point about there being two sides to the original newspaper story you linked to - I am sorry but if you don't get that I don't actually know what to say to you.

We, as readers, only know what the woman has said and her defence. We know nothing about her - whether she's violent herself for e.g, what her dd has done or not done, what the school think, we don't even know what happened in the incident itself apart from this woman's point of view going from this article.

Original poster
candidkate · 20/03/2015 15:26

thatsucks Alright x

OP posts:
fuckthetaps · 20/03/2015 15:35

On the website the Op linked from there is another piece about the woman's sentence etc that tells the story differently

ClockwiseCat · 20/03/2015 15:36

I do occasionally think that MN is a parallel universe where lots of people have only ever lived in naice areas with naice children. Because truthfully there are groups of teenagers (some very young) who are a genuine danger to others, just as some adults are.

We can all sit around and analyse the reasons why they are so damaged - it might be helpful for preventing other children being raised so appallingly. But it doesn't alter the fact that the existing feral teens are extremely dangerous and would hurt you or people you love and laugh about it. I spent some time working on a project with young offenders and while their personal stories were often very sad and I empathised, I was under absolutely no illusions that they had no empathy for others and were truly dangerous.

And to be brutal: with these types of young people, all the things that we see as strength (restraint, self-control) - they interpret as weakness.

GraysAnalogy · 20/03/2015 15:43

And to be brutal: with these types of young people, all the things that we see as strength (restraint, self-control) - they interpret as weakness

So true. To walk away, to 'hold your head up high' is nothing but sneered at. And makes you an easy target.

Springtulip · 20/03/2015 15:55

I once slapped a 15 year old boy hard across his face because he'd just thrown a stone at my daughter and cut her face. Not one bit ashamed of what I did, nobody called the police and the lad was apologetic afterwards. Never had any more trouble from him. I'm not saying this works in all cases, but the lad was a bully and as far as I know didn't bully again.This was a good few years ago so I suppose if it had been now I'd have had the police on my doorstep. What I did, did more good than harm.

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:02

If my sitting in jail means i saved my childs life so be it.

And when you're in there where's all that passion for micro-managing your DC going to go OP?

Inbetween frantically trying to buy phone cards and applying for visiting orders if your DC gets into some lumber, what's your next step? Selling your snout to pay for a contract to be taken out on their tormenter?

You live in a fantasy world, you're not Don Corleone love.

RocketInMyPocket · 20/03/2015 16:02

My point is there is a reason why humans, in this country, are not considered to be adults until a certain age and are not considered legally culpable until a certain age

I'm confused by this comment.
In this country, we have an 'Age of Criminal Responsibility'.
That age is TEN

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:06

They can be taken to court, but it's youth court. The sentence will differ from an adult and they will not go to prison, but possibly a secure unit. So it's completely different from an adult who has committed a crime and that covers age 10 through to 17.

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:07

...and they cannot be named.

RocketInMyPocket · 20/03/2015 16:14

Finn Erm, yes they can go to prison...
Youth court or not, they will stand in front of a judge, in a court of law, and can be imprisoned.
The closest 'young offenders' unit to me is called HM prison Feltham, managed by HM Prison Services
The clue is in the name...

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:15

Sigh, it's not an ADULT prison though, so hardly the same thing. And they will still be educated whilst there.

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:16

..check the government website if you don't believe me though.

RocketInMyPocket · 20/03/2015 16:23

I never said it was the same as an adult prison???

My point is It's still a prison

I had an issue with thatsuck's point not considered legally culpable until a certain age.

My point being that age is ten
After that age, they can go to court, and be imprisoned.

That they will not go to an adult prison is irrelevant...

finnbarrcar · 20/03/2015 16:30

No, it's not irrelevant at all. A secure unit is NOT the same as a prison. But of course you don't want to respond to anything like, oh I dunno, logic or reason because it doesn't suit your agenda.

Reintegration into the community, education and restorative justice are all practiced. Crucially sentencing is entirely different.

A ten year old is NOT going to have the same custodial experience as an adult. Even up to the age of 25, offenders do not go into full adult prisons.

That's factually accurate.

momtothree · 20/03/2015 16:31

This school is a disgrace bullied are good at their game and it is a game - strength in numbers scare to be part or it terrified not to be. This DD was bullied the reason probably.started as something small ,... unless u have had a child whos been bullied u wont understand the sleepless nights the crying the trying t fit in, but those playing the game its just more amunition u cant do right for being wrong. Everyone backs away as they dont want to b a target. Schools wont admitt t theres a problem so wont deal with it. Child is isolated and alone. There needs to be a change in our schools, they need to protect and punish and be clear and not fall foe the inocent sole eyes .... this school sucks

RocketInMyPocket · 20/03/2015 16:48

My point is after ten, they can be punished by the legal system.

Anything after that is semantics.

Original poster
candidkate · 20/03/2015 17:10

ClockwiseCat I agree..too many self righteous people on here who keep on disregarding the horror stories people have shared and still want to spout weird rhetoric. Children this children that. I don't think anyone on here has said they just slap children for fun Confused

OP posts:
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