To want DM to see baby before MIL?

[lillamyy1]

Our first baby's due in a few weeks and DH has just told me that as soon as I go into labour, MIL is going to drive down (she lives a couple of hours away) and be on hand for if he "needs support" and also to drive us home afterwards and go shopping for anything we might need etc.
She doesn't want to actually be at the birth or anything, but I don't really want her to be at the hospital at all, I just want my own DM to be there and to be the one to help out in the first couple of days. I also really want my DM to be the first to see the baby and I don't know how that can happen if MIL is lurking about at the hospital during the birth. My DM can't drive so she'll be relying on buses, and I know that's what DH will say if I tell him I want her to be the one helping.
I don't know MIL well enough to have her around straight after the birth, AIBU to just want my own DM there? And how can I explain this to DH/MIL?
Also it's her first grandchild whereas my sisters have already had several kids so DH seems to think that it's somehow more important to MIL that to DM.

I'll not let him call her until we're in our way to hospital.

I'd like to change the title to "AIBU to not want to see MIL straight after I give birth".

Op I don't think that title is entirely right either.

It sounds like your mil understand's anyway :)

Does your dh realise you could go to hosptial and be sent home again. Even once in hospital it could be 24hr+ [hopefully not) but labour is unpredictable.

If dh won't listen you will he listen to the midwife who could say how important it is you aren't stressed and worried re his mum waiting and that it would be pointless for mil to be waiting at the hospital, esp late at night etc.

I don't think you have a problem with your mil. She sounds great after your email etc. It's your dh.

And this is the one time you do get to call the shots. It's up to you who knows you are in labour and who is there during labour and immediately after.

OP why don't you phone your MIL and explain that you're feeling really stressed because your dh is insisting on phoning her as soon as you go into labour and he is ignoring your wishes.
Your MIL sounds really lovely and she may well handle her son quite nicely in your favour.

Lillaymm1 it's not really about your mil though is it? The problem appears to be your dh.

Maybe something like 'support in labour'. Pretty neutral?

Hmmm maybe your baby will be a son and in the future your DIL will hold you in same distain.

YABVU

Fair enough you have whoever you want at your birth but your mother should not trump your DHs just for the fact that she had a son!

Read the funking thread ruperta

Ps sorry just realised this is a super long thread & I haven't read it all

My auto correct doesn't like fucking it seems.

ruperta op has realised it doesn't matter who sees baby first but her dh is still being an are re mil knowing she is in labour and being at the hospital.

Op has spoken to her mil who to give her due has been very understanding, it's the dh who is being a knob.

I think re your worry about DM and MIL being very different and not having met etc, don't worry they are grown women. I think you'll find the joy and excitement of the birth of a mutual grandson will bond them right away! My lovely MIL and her daughter's MIL (an awful truly from hell biatch version) even hugged and jumped up and down like excited two year olds when my nephew was born and went out for a drink together afterwards to celebrate!

I'd also say don't worry about being vulnerable after the birth when it comes to your MIL. You're joining a club that she's already a member of, she's been there and got the T-shirt. My MIL came for a short hospital visit with FIL (and looked after and brought in ds for our second) and both births I looked like I had been to hell and back, I couldn't have looked worse!!! She later told me after my second I looked so awful she said to FIL that she'd have to move in to look after me! Yes she couldn't wait to see the baby each time, but her first concern was me and full of praise for how well I had done and how proud she was of me, how worried she'd been. Honestly, you'll be so proud of your baby when he comes along, you'll love having someone to come and admire him, even the cleaner telling you he's gorgeous will thrill you.

I would say a first grandchild is probably a little bit special, just imagining myself as a grandparent one day, not that the others afterwards won't be, but I think you have to let your MIL be as much a part if it as you can. I'm sure your DM if you speak to her will say the same to you.

You DM and MIL have never met? Were they not both T the wedding or are you not married. It sounds a bit odd that you've been together long enough to have a baby yet not introduced your mums at some family event or other
I don't see why that is odd. I was with DH 10 years and DS1 was 3 months old before PIL met. They live 50 miles apart. We are two separate families so family events would only cross over as far as DH and myself.