Was I unreasonable to not tell new boyfriend about past genital warts?

[fmlfmlfml]

I had genital warts about a year ago and had it treated and have seemed to be clear of them since then.

I recently met a new guy, and it has been going great. I didn't mention the previous genital warts because I assumed as I was clear of them there would be no risk of him catching them. So about 2 weeks ago I decided to do some more extreme hair removal down below than I had been doing and spotted A FUCKING WART. I have no idea when this had appeared. I could have had it for weeks, which means it's very likely hes been exposed to it during sex and may have caught it. :( I've been treating this wart, and now all hell has broken loose down there, I think because I'm a bit run down with a cold, but now I have several fairly obvious warts.

I think I have two options... come clean to boyfriend, he will probably be disgusted and angry and it will be over. Or make up another reason to end it and hope that he hasn't caught it and doesn't put two and two together..... It's so upsetting because I've really clicked with him. It's only been a few months but I could see potential in the relationship...

I feel like a horrible horrible person, and like some kind of STI typhoid mary. It was a genuine mistake but I'm thinking should I have been honest in the very beginning about the past infection?? I don't know what the hell your supposed to do in this situation, tell everyone and never have sex again?? I feel like I'm damaged goods and will never have a chance of a relationship again!

I'm sorry you've got them. Were you not fully informed about them when you were treated. As ignorance really is the only excuse if they lay dormant ie you could be exposing someone else to then at any time.

But, how do you know he didn't give them to you? Perhaps approach from a, I've discovered this, we need to get treated/checked out.

I discovered I had clymidia when I had only been seeing dh for a few months. and no I didn't get it from him as he was clear.

^^

What std said

Yes, STD, the strains that cause visible warts don't cause cancer.
As with all infections of any kind symptoms are on a spectrum so yes, there is a chance that you might have great big, painful difficult to treat warts but in general its a pretty harmless infection to have.

That is interesting to know - thank you Dayglo.

Its a really common misconception, STD, but given how common warts are I think its quite reassuring to know that if you have had one you are at no higher risk.

I work in sexual health and having read through this thread can I urge any one who has concerns about warts or any other STIs to get in touch with their local GUM clinic.
On here, although some of the information is good there's quite a bit that's not and there's no way of checking any of our qualifications. Some clinics will.have helplines or online advice so even if you can't face going in you can still get professional advice.

wow some of the responses on here are outrageous saying if the boyfriend is anrgy about being not told about STI risks from you (not risks in general actual STIs you have had)

If my partner had not told me about an STI he had recently i would be VERY VERY angry as its a MASSIVE deal breaker for me (not the STI but not being told about it imgine if it was HIV)

partners have actully been prosicuted for giving there partners HIV as in they knew they were positive but did not disclose that fact (if i wasnt on my mobile i would link it but the possitive partner was charged and found guilty of GBH)

and damn right STI conversation should be mentioned in the early days of a relsionship espically the worse types

Erm worridmum it's hpv not hiv.... so do you think unknowingly passing on hpv should be a criminal offense to?

Thanks for the posters being reasonable. In perspective it's partly a Fuck up on my part but not the end of the world.

HIV is a very serious virus, not at all on the same levels as warts which are a pain and unsightly, but not harmful.

She was clear of warts. She followed the advice.

The fact is, you have sex with anyone you are more than likely going to be in contact with a strain of HPV. That is common knowledge. You take the risk of being exposed to HPV every time you have sexual contact.

She did not have warts when she had sex with him, she was cleared and has done nothing wrong as she followed medical advice. Would you tell someone if you had chlaymidia a year ago (spelling) but antibiotics had treated it? I doubt many people if they were honest would tell a partner that they had an STI in the past which treatment cleared up would they?

As already been mentioned a few times, would you inform a new partner if you had CIN? I wouldn't feel the need to tell them that. I had an abnormal smear, my body got rid of itself so I would never feel the need to tell my partner that at some point I had the HPV virus.

We aren't talking about an active STI here. She was cleared, she believed she was cleared and medical advice I got agreed with her.

and I'm def going to the gum clinic now rather than my gp and will hopefully get some better advice this time around

Talking about STDs doesn't have to be embarrassing. When I think about it, I've had that talk early on in relationships the past five times. Since getting into the fet scene, it's fairly average to both get an all clear on STDs before going from talking to physical contact. I had to get a hell of a lot more comfortable with my body and I've also been much more informed about consent and sexual safety.

I'm pretty hopeful that ten plus years of no STDs means I'm clear, I go to get checked regularly at least once a year, last time after my last relationship finished and I received an email warning that my ex was being treated for trichomoniasis by a mutual friend. Before that it was after I found out my ex had unprotected sex with his ex girlfriend.

So from this, I guess you can guess whether someone is worth a relationship, if they can discuss it like an adult and accept that infection previously is nothing to be embarrassed about or judged for. I agree that it's the behaviour surrounding STDs rather than the thing itself that makes what we do acceptable or not.

You might find that this is something you both don't get through, because you weren't aware and didn't warn him, but one mistake doesn't mean you are a bad person. A bad person would be someone who doesn't learn from that mistake, and you are here asking and taking advice.

A visit to the GUM clinic is a good idea, as they are best to ask these questions. I know I want to ask my previous question about herpes, one outbreak and no recurrence in twenty years is something I am not sure about, I have problems with my immune system, so it's not like I've been super healthy, and I would like to know whether it's ever likely to occur and how that might affect my sexual relationships.

For those who asked for the NHS guideline link here it is: www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Genital_warts/Pages/Treatment.aspx

Fml I feel really sorry for you after the pasting youve taken here, fair play to you for sticking to the thread.
Some std clinics do anonymous cards that you stick through their letterbox.
Maybe that would be an option?
My ex found out he had chlamydia 2 months into our relationship, I was clear but he did sit me down and tell me very factually and how sorry he was. I didnt catch it luckily but I respected him for having the guts and we carried on dating for 5 years.
Good luck x

There is no shame in this. You need to tell your boyfriend. A difficult conversion but better late than never.

You need to tell him. I was in a similar situation as your boyfriend many years ago (my bf's genital warts came back a year or two after he first got them). Although, I did know he had had them in the past at that point it certainly wasn't something he mentioned the first time he had sex and I wouldn't have expected him to. It's not as if we could do anything about it. Anyway, I wasn't annoyed and I didn't get visible warts myself. Even if I had got them I would have just thought it was one of those things...

I think I'd go with the advice posted further up thread- tell him, but don't give much detail about "the last time". If he's an arsehole about it or starts blaming you then leave the details vague and distance yourself. If he seems to be alright about the situation consider being more open about your previous outbreak. Play it by ear.

The reality is if he played fast and loose when he was younger he's probably already been exposed to the virus on a number of occasions, perhaps even by previous partners who themselves had never shown any symptoms. I think I had an outbreak of herpes (v. minor) over Xmas. On further investigation I believe I caught it off my boyfriend of four years who had innocuous looking bumps on his willy about three years ago. I told my GP about it and she was a bit dismissive, saving that usually when people have an outbreak they find it hard to sit down and wee without being in agony. She didn't suggest a test or anything and told me to go to the GUM clinic if I should have another outbreak. No mention of use on condoms or anything. If that's the kind of response people like me and the OP are getting from the GP then I'd find it pretty hard to blame OP for making choices based on the information (or lack thereof) she's been provided with.

Also the PP who stated she has a strain of the virus that gives an increased risk of certain types of cancers.
How do you justify not feeling like you have to tell people?

That was me, it's all hypothetical, since I've been in a long term relationship for 10 years. I wasn't trying to justify not having to tell people, more that it's really just not on my radar that it would be something to disclose.

I don't recall any information at all about partner notification following a positive hpv test. Standard std panels don't screen for it.Most sexually active people get HPV at some point in their lives and most people clear it from their system without ever having any symptoms. To me it seems almost akin to telling someone I once had a cold.

I have only read up to page 2, but have to say that some people are confusing genital warts with herpes. Unlike herpes, the wart virus does NOT stay in your body forever. 90% of people are clear of the virus within two years. And apparently the majority of the population have had them at some point.

This thread does show that people are quite ignorant about it. I didn't occur to me to be annoyed when my x told me his warts had come back...

I think some posters are confusing HPV with HSV (herpes). HSV lies dormant in cells and flares up if the host is run down but AFAIK HPV does not.

I would suspect a new infection.

MewlingQuim the warts can come back.

fml I feel for you. I can understand why you didn't tell him. It's a hard conversation to have.

How much do you like him?

You have to be honest with him. If he is nasty and ditches you,than he's not worth it.

tan tastic.. if you had genital herpes in your teens then you still have it.

Try not to worry too much. Plenty of people carry HPV's and don't have warts, can shed them and not even know they are infected. Same with herpes.