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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to flying headbutt DP?!

233 replies

WhingeyMinge · 17/03/2015 21:09

I look after DS (7 months) all day every day and put him to bed every night. I bath him at 7pm, dress and feed him and he's usually asleep in his cot by around 7.30pm. DP gives him lots of kisses before I take him up to bed but when we go up to bed ourselves (usually around 10pm) he is just so noisy and has to kiss DS on the face at least 10 times which wakes him up EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN NIGHT!! DP then gets in to bed and lays there while I have to get up and try to settle DS because he's now crying his eyes out, this can take about 30 mins or more, which is a lot when I've been up since 6am and just want to get in to bed. It's really winding me up so I've decided to move DS to his own room starting from tonight so that he doesn't have to be disturbed, when I told DP he said "I'm not really happy about you moving him yet, I'll still have to go in and give him a kiss anyway because it's just the way I am and I've always done it"
AAAARRRGGGGHHHH I told him that from now on if he wakes him then he has to stay up with him until he's settled as it's unfair cos I'm really tired and it's also unfair on DS having to be woken every night. Plus he's less likely to re-settle when he realises he's in a different room without us.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable! It's not as if he doesn't kiss him before I take him up to bed in the first place, plus if he really really has to why can't it just be one gentle one that doesn't wake him?! Angry
Who is being unreasonable here? I'm so fed up his selfish attitude!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 17:30

You don't know half of it, he had children with her because he thought she'd changed, she had her kid taken cos she was drinking all the time and partying etc, that all stopped when she met him and they didn't have their first child together for over 2 years after that

OP posts:
Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 17:32

Sent before I finished...

They were arguing before he left her and she called the police, he was remove from the house so didn't have a choice to take his children otherwise he would have, they now both have restraining orders against each other so he cannot go there and get the children. He has been fighting to see them for 2 years and has applied for custody because she is an unfit mother, so unless u know the full story mind your own fucking business, that is not the matter I asked your opinion on.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 19/03/2015 18:46

The three adults in this situation all seem to deserve each other.
Poor kids.

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 18:50

What makes you say that? What exactly have I done wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 18:54

What's funny though is that if it were a woman who had left her abusive partner and was fighting to get her kids back from him I can guarantee you it would be a different story

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 18:57

This man is a total prick.

ZoeReynolds · 19/03/2015 19:00

"What's funny though is that if it were a woman who had left her abusive partner and was fighting to get her kids back from him I can guarantee you it would be a different story"

Do NOT try to pull that one after that thread title.

Chippednailvarnish · 19/03/2015 19:00

Where do I start?
You've chosen to have a relationship with a man who hasn't got custody / contact with his existing DC.
The mother of his other DC appears previously to have had a drinking problem resulting in social services intervention and removal of a child.
Your partner is subject to a restraining order against his ex.
He chose to have more children with a recovering drunk only two years into their relationship.
You then decide to bring another child into the existing mess. He appears to do very little with the new child, other than to wake him up and leave him screaming.

It sounds like a nightmare. Poor kids.

Chippednailvarnish · 19/03/2015 19:02

And if it were a woman I can guarantee I would still hold the three adults responsible for the mess they have made.

textfan · 19/03/2015 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 20:00

He was having contact until he told her about me, I've already said that, she had no problem with it.
She has a restraining order against him because she's playing the victim, she pretends to be scared but shouts stuff at us when we drive through town or flashes her V's and so on... Yeah she's really scared. Hmm
Plus shouting stuff at me when I'm walking through town with my baby in the pram, I don't even acknowledge her, I've never responded to her in person or to her nasty messages, I have never given her the satisfaction. But I'm still bad guy, ha.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/03/2015 20:02

The whole kissing a baby on the face till it wakes up is just beyond twatish. Who the fuck does that?

littlehouseinthebigwoods · 19/03/2015 20:24

Crikey I've just caught up on this thread, it's taken an unexpected turn! Op, you were definitely nbu about the night time kisses and wake ups, but it sounds like you've come to some kind of resolution about that since you had some strong words. Good for you I hope it lasts.

You don't have to defend yourself or your dp about any of the other stuff that you didn't come here to talk about in the first place. You seem fairly happy in your relationship apart from the kisses, which as i said seems to be resolved. It's a shame that when you came here for support you've received a character assassination for your dp and now for yourself.

If I were you I'd hide this thread and walk away to enjoy your baby. All the best to you Flowers

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 19/03/2015 20:52

Thank you Smile

We are really happy. My baby gets everything he needs so "poor kid" and all that is just rubbish, my ex of 7 years couldn't have children so I have wanted a baby for so long and now he's finally here and I cherish every moment with him, he is the apple of my eye and is such a happy baby, he's a joy to be around and makes me so proud. ??

OP posts:
littlehouseinthebigwoods · 19/03/2015 21:37

Aaaah that's lovely. You might need a more cheerful username now though... Smile

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 19/03/2015 23:25

I'm puzzled about how Zoe(?) was slated for calling out jokes about violence because it might upset OP, yet it's fine to tell OP that her DP is a deadbeat/awful dad/they have a terrible relationship/she should never have a baby... because that's not upsetting at all is it....? There are nicer ways of saying things. And FWIW OP, yes it sounds bloody annoying, and maybe DP could help out more. But work on it?

A forum where a group of men were discussing one of their wives getting them into debt - for example - and comments about wanting to punch her in the face / kick her in the head etc would be seen as unacceptable, even if there was never actually any intention of actual violence.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/03/2015 00:20

LOts of projection going on on this thread, I feel.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 20/03/2015 07:12

I can kind of understand the OP asking if she's being unreasonable for wanting to headbutt DP. It's the responses agreeing or suggesting other methods of attack that I feel more uncomfortable about and then the relentless put downs of her other half.
It reminds me a bit of when someone suicidal goes and stands on the roof of a building and the crowd gathers below and tells them to hurry up and jump.

Whocansay · 20/03/2015 07:26

(I'm ignoring the other relationship stuff as that's not what you've asked about.)

How have the past couple of days gone? Have you talked to him seriously and explained why this is a ridiculous thing to do? Has he stopped doing it, or at least settled the baby again after waking him? Hope it's all going better.

19lottie82 · 20/03/2015 07:29

OP ignore these twats (I think you know who I mean) you sound like a good mum, and there isn't a "special place in hell for your husband" it sounds like he a good dad (albeit lacking a bit if common sense re waking a sleeping baby but hey most men are like that in one way or another). I think it's lovely he's fighting for custody of his other kids inc the one that isn't bio. A lot of men would not be bothered. Especially if they had a new wife and child. And you sound great for being willing to take these three poor wee souls so too, as I don't think it will be easy.

I think it's disgusting that posters have taken to taking up her DHs ex's behaviour and using it to effectively call the OP stupid and a crap parent. Shame on all of you.

youarekiddingme · 20/03/2015 07:38

I don't think your dp sounds like a twat full stop.

The kissy thing is twatty but hopefully resolved now.

I think the background explains why he does the kissy thing.

I also don't see why your DP gets demonised for your choice of words with regards to 'watched DS if I want to go out' 'helps with nappies etc'.

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 20/03/2015 07:40

Thanks

We had a talk about it and since he went it to his own room 4 nights ago he hasn't gone in and kissed him at all. I have a new problem now lol, DS is waking at 5ish every morning instead of 6am ?? I dunno why, nothing in his routine has changed apart from changing rooms, the first night was fine he woke at 6 which I can cope with but the last 3 have been around 5am and he won't go back!

OP posts:
MrsEvadneCake · 20/03/2015 07:46

Getting light or a neighbour going to work and noise outside disturbing him or getting a bit chilly and waking up. All of those things have disturbed my DS in the past. I'm glad he's stopped disturbing him.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/03/2015 07:47

Your dh sounds very controlling, who the hell disturbs a baby sleeping. IFor he wants to have a closer bond with ds, then he should help out and do the baby bedtime routine and give him kisses before putting him to bed.

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 20/03/2015 08:03

He has no problem doing the bedtime routine, it's just that I like doing it myself

OP posts: