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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to flying headbutt DP?!

233 replies

WhingeyMinge · 17/03/2015 21:09

I look after DS (7 months) all day every day and put him to bed every night. I bath him at 7pm, dress and feed him and he's usually asleep in his cot by around 7.30pm. DP gives him lots of kisses before I take him up to bed but when we go up to bed ourselves (usually around 10pm) he is just so noisy and has to kiss DS on the face at least 10 times which wakes him up EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN NIGHT!! DP then gets in to bed and lays there while I have to get up and try to settle DS because he's now crying his eyes out, this can take about 30 mins or more, which is a lot when I've been up since 6am and just want to get in to bed. It's really winding me up so I've decided to move DS to his own room starting from tonight so that he doesn't have to be disturbed, when I told DP he said "I'm not really happy about you moving him yet, I'll still have to go in and give him a kiss anyway because it's just the way I am and I've always done it"
AAAARRRGGGGHHHH I told him that from now on if he wakes him then he has to stay up with him until he's settled as it's unfair cos I'm really tired and it's also unfair on DS having to be woken every night. Plus he's less likely to re-settle when he realises he's in a different room without us.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable! It's not as if he doesn't kiss him before I take him up to bed in the first place, plus if he really really has to why can't it just be one gentle one that doesn't wake him?! Angry
Who is being unreasonable here? I'm so fed up his selfish attitude!

OP posts:
Lovelyclaycup · 18/03/2015 15:24

Confused what is the reason for your dp's ex not to let him see his other dc?

currentnameinuse · 18/03/2015 15:39

His ex is going to have her children taken away due to emotional abuse? Erm really??

He sounds hell - no wonder her is her ex...

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 18/03/2015 15:57

No really she is, she had her 8 year old taken in to care when he was born and got him back when he was 6 months (with DP's help) the other night she threw him out and told him to leave, it was pitch black, he had no coat on...and he is 8! I know DP sounds like a nightmare but trust me she is a bazzilion times worst.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 18/03/2015 15:59

Plus, he left her

OP posts:
sosix · 18/03/2015 16:06

Why in the name of cheese, have you been settling him after kissy monster dad wakes him. A flying headbut seems mild.Wink

Who ever wakes the baby settles the baby. I don't understand why you are doing everything? Is the over zealous kissing to make up for this?

ptumbi · 18/03/2015 16:09

A PP has it right - DP 'loves' his child soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that he has to kiss him 10 times (and wake child up) but he then has no problem with leaving said oh-so-beloved child to scream? Hmm

Where is the love then?

dinkystinky · 18/03/2015 16:10

Op - your DH is abit of an eejit. Its great he loves his child, but what he's doing is making 2 people he loves (you and his child) unhappy as its depriving them of some much needed sleep. Who knows, maybe his older 3 were deeper sleepers. Get him to air blow kisses to the baby at night and start each day with an enormous kiss and hug instead - kisses when asleep are all very well and good (provided they don't mess up anyone's sleep), but kisses and cuddles when awake (willingly) to enjoy them are far far better.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 18/03/2015 16:10

I assume you are hoping to end up with the kids then?

Your DP is going to have to massively get his act together and start pulling his weight as well as realising that he needs to put all his children's needs first.

TheSingingMonkey · 18/03/2015 16:14

Yep because you'll be doing all the childcare for all the children.

If he did bath and bed OP, he could have lots of cuddles and kisses time.

sosix · 18/03/2015 16:14

Maybe hes just selfish ? Reminds me of pil who live hundreds of miles away. They haven't sent dd's birthday presents in time for her birthday cos they want to see her face. selfish fuckers

I digress.

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 16:15

Rather than you put DS to bed, why doesn't he do it?

That would save all the hassle.

you would be tucked up fast asleep

currentnameinuse · 18/03/2015 16:37

If their mother is that bad why aren't his other children living with you? Did he leave her for you I wonder?

Number3cometome · 18/03/2015 16:39

currentnameinuse

What does that have to do with anything?

OP has said she is pissed off with DP waking child up, not that she has issues with their relationship.

Totally uncalled for.

passmethewineplease · 18/03/2015 16:45

Jesus tell him blow him a kiss!!!

currentnameinuse · 18/03/2015 16:46

She is talking about the behaviour of the ex towards her - calling her a slag? And I disagree I think there are issues with the relationship. This is about way more than a man who wakes a sleeping baby. For someone to behave in that way it suggests there is way more going on than that.

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 18/03/2015 16:58

No, he did not leave her for me, they had been split up for months when I met him and he was living back with him mother, he was having regular contact with the children. When he told her about us she stopped contact straight away, I don't know if she thought they would get back or whatever but that's not my problem, he was single when I met him.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/03/2015 17:26

Sounds like they were both ideally suited.

One parent who throws out an 8 yo and another who teaches all his kids to have broken sleep and the associated problems.

He is not a decent dad

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 18/03/2015 17:34

Apart from the kissing when DP's asleep yes he is a brilliant father.
We don't have relationship problems aside from the fact that none of us will agree that we are the unreasonable one, I wouldn't say he's a twat, he can just be selfish at times

OP posts:
EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 18/03/2015 17:48

He's a selfish miserable bugger who wakes his child up on purpose and leaves you to sort it out despite being sleep deprived yourself.

He's not a good dad or partner. You do have relationship problems.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 18/03/2015 18:15

THIng is, you haven't really mentioned ways in which he IS a good Dad.

My husband works away a lot, but when he is here he is here. When we just had our eldest as a baby he would come home from work and do bathtime everynight before giving her to me for a breastfeed and he's never really stopped being that involved in her care because they are his children too.

It's quite bizarre to me that your DP appears to only choose to be involved when it's not a good time for you or your baby! That's really actively unkind, and 'being involved' clearly isn't the real reason or it would show in how he acts the rest of the time.

I'm sure it's annoying to have people judge your relationship when they don't know you, but I think it's worth thinking about whether this bit of selfishness reflects his general attitudes and whether you can live with that.

TheoriginalLEM · 18/03/2015 18:27

Is your DP going to apply for custody of his other children? surely if she has them taken away from her they would automatically go to him?

slightlyconfused85 · 18/03/2015 18:27

Yanbu at all. If he is going to wake him up every night then he should resettle him. And perhaps he could do bath and bed once in a while

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 18/03/2015 18:30

Perhaps he could do bath and bed every night if he works fewer hours on average than the OP... Hmm

Original poster
WhingeyMinge · 18/03/2015 18:33

Yeah he's applied for custody

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 18/03/2015 18:37

Thats good, do you think it is because of the upheaval with the other children that he is a bit anxious about his DS? He really needs to stop doing it though, never mind the fact he doesn't settle him, its not fair on the boy.