To want to flying headbutt DP?!

[WhingeyMinge]

I look after DS (7 months) all day every day and put him to bed every night. I bath him at 7pm, dress and feed him and he's usually asleep in his cot by around 7.30pm. DP gives him lots of kisses before I take him up to bed but when we go up to bed ourselves (usually around 10pm) he is just so noisy and has to kiss DS on the face at least 10 times which wakes him up EVERY SINGLE FRIKKIN NIGHT!! DP then gets in to bed and lays there while I have to get up and try to settle DS because he's now crying his eyes out, this can take about 30 mins or more, which is a lot when I've been up since 6am and just want to get in to bed. It's really winding me up so I've decided to move DS to his own room starting from tonight so that he doesn't have to be disturbed, when I told DP he said "I'm not really happy about you moving him yet, I'll still have to go in and give him a kiss anyway because it's just the way I am and I've always done it"
AAAARRRGGGGHHHH I told him that from now on if he wakes him then he has to stay up with him until he's settled as it's unfair cos I'm really tired and it's also unfair on DS having to be woken every night. Plus he's less likely to re-settle when he realises he's in a different room without us.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable! It's not as if he doesn't kiss him before I take him up to bed in the first place, plus if he really really has to why can't it just be one gentle one that doesn't wake him?!
Who is being unreasonable here? I'm so fed up his selfish attitude!

'You wake; you deal'. After you get me a glass of wine, a plate of chocolate and tuck me into bed.

Idiot. I'm sure a lovely idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

I am not too keen on joking about violent acts either, but I have the humanity and emotional intelligence to understand that there is a time and a place to raise it

this thread wasn't one of them

Try and get a webcam in the baby's room or voice activated recorder. I bet if you went out with friends for an evening, he would miss the kissing session.

He is being so twisted because, if you object, he'll act as though you object to him being affectionate to his very own baby.

I was so exhausted with dd1, who didn't sleep more than 6 hours solid for 18months that I'm getting angry now. 33 years later.

Possibly a headbutt is a cartoonish thing in some people's minds.

< gently removes the spade from zoe's white knuckled hands >

It's clear from the OP that she doesn't actually want to flying headbutt him.
So I think if you're going to get all 'Lets be DV aware' you should focus on actual victims.
DV is a crime that thrives on secrecy, people don't tend to announce it on public forums.

OP - are any of you or his family or friends aware of what DP is doing?
I'm pretty sure this qualifies as abuse.

Your DP is an idiot, and if he wakes the baby, he should get the baby back to sleep.

If he wakes the baby tonight, hand the baby to him, tell him it is his responsibility to forget the baby back to sleep, and leave. I would be tempted to go for a drive, and sit in the car for a while.

He needs to be told that sleep is an essential part of a baby's routine, and broken sleep will be bad for him.

The National Sleep Foundation says:

"...Sleep is especially important for children as it directly affects mental and physical development..." - ie. he needs to understand that the baby's need for sleep is more important than his need to kiss and cuddle him.

Being a dad means putting the baby's needs first - something he clearly has not grasped yet!

Selfish stupid man.

OP - what would happen if, when retiring to bed at 10, you said to him "wake the baby tonight by kissing him, and I kill you" in a jokey way? That is how I would handle it with my own dh if he were stupid enough to do such a thing and he would in no way take it as a genuine threat of death

It surprises me that people live in relationships, have children with, men with whom they cannot communicate the simplest thing - like "don't wake the baby, fuckwit." Said politely, mind.

I don't have white knuckles AnyFucker.

I only feel this strongly about it because my nose was broken by a headbutt when I was pregnant. But I took the point that possibly that coloured my response to the 'hilarious' jokes.

But whoops's posts caused me to return. Plus I thought Rocket was civil enough to reply to. Read it. If it was rape jokes would it be ok? If it was reversed genders would it be ok? Are whoop's posts, in any context, ok?

If DV survivors don't call this shit out when it happens, who will?

I've reported that Cordelia

AHEM

YANBU. But wait until he is fast asleep to do it.

Then you can just leave him to it, he'll settle himself soon enough.

Zoe, the op if questioned further may well turn out to be a victim of DA abuse herself....that is often how these threads go

if that were the case, would you still feel justified in derailing her thread in the way you have done ?

headbutting, gaslighting, minimising, sleep deprivation blah blah blah

it's all abuse

in fact, the only thing that isn't is OP's pretendy wish to hurt her husband like he is hurting her

however, if she is scared away by your assertion that she is somehow just as bad as this prick by saying what she has on an anonymous forum then we might never know

I apologise Zoe. I thought you were stirring to make a point on the back of someone who must be exhausted.

Have you never said something similar? "I'm going to xxxxxxx that person"?

Look, Zoe, we are trying to give the op support here - she has plenty to deal with without you banging on about her wording.

Surely it is plain and obvious that the op didn't mean it?

If you need support, then why not start your own thread? Don't derail this one.

Zoe - I'm truly sorry that you have suffered dv and a broken nose as a result of a headbutt. I'm sorry if my posts have offended you, but I found your posts (on a thread that was clearly not a real threat of violence) to be misplaced on this thread. If anyone is in a situation of domestic abuse, it is the OP - who is being sleep deprived by dh every single night. Preaching at her about her wording is not helpful or warranted.

Do we really have to moderate our language that much? Have you never said "Ooh, I could kill so-and-so" - does that trivialise a murder?

Zoe That's awful, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
However I maintain that DV is a crime of secrecy, people who make comments like the one OP did aren't the ones you need to watch for, and therefore not the ones to direct your ire at...

Anyway, I hope you are OK OP

Now that is a fair point AF.

I didn't intend to derail, just to post once.

TBH my heart is still racing from seeing the 'joke'.

To be clear it wasn't at all my "assertion that she is somehow just as bad as this prick". I don' think it's as bad. I don't think you CAN compare. I just don't think it's a joking matter.