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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:
Evabeaversprotege · 15/03/2015 08:37

YABU.

Your children made you cards, they made you breakfast... Ok it might not be up to your standard but they did it!!

JumpRope · 15/03/2015 08:39

Sounds like normal to me, Yabu

keepsmiling2015 · 15/03/2015 08:40

I'm sorry but you are being unreasonable. I think that if the pancakes were undercooked and sugar in the tea it was probably the kids did that. Sounds sweet that dh let them get creative with making the breakfast for you. It didn't have to be perfect did it?

neighbourhoodwitch · 15/03/2015 08:40

I am sorry you are upset. There are clearly different expectations at play and yours did not live out. I hope you start to feel better soon. I don't think you are being U necessarily, as they have done things, but maybe expectations need to be communicated? x

Camolips · 15/03/2015 08:40

It sounds lovely! I know it is 'your' day but it's really about the children's efforts. Try to enjoy it!

19lottie82 · 15/03/2015 08:40

"The instructions said....."

FFS give yourself a shake. You have two healthy lovely little boys, who have made you breakfast and given you hand made cards.

Some people aren't so lucky.

You feel "disappointed"? I'm lost for words.

Comingoutofhibernation · 15/03/2015 08:41

I'm afraid in relation to mothers day I think YABU. The DC have done something nice for you, and got you cards. I'm not surprised pancakes cooked by young children are hideous, but they have tried to make your morning lovely, and they will get better at these things as they get older. I think keeping two excited children from disturbing you until 9.30 today would be very very difficult.

However in relation to the lay in, is this a regular problem, ie you let DH sleep in, but he doesn't return the favour? If that is the case then YANBU to be generally annoyed about that.

RiojaHaze · 15/03/2015 08:41

YABU at least they tried! I've been up since 6.30 with the DC, DP is still in bed I haven't even had a card and I've just prepared the entire roast dinner for my DM before I take DS to football (I don't consider this part a chore though!)

Mrswire123 · 15/03/2015 08:41

YANBU I feel for you I really do. So today is Mother's Day, I am 9 weeks pregnant with baby number 2 and my DH has full blown, can't be arsed even to crack a smile, man flu. Today of all bloody days. I spent the night in the very uncomfy spare bed due to his snoring. And now I have to do the Mother's Day (including inlaws) rounds by myself with my DD. Oh and to top it off I have terrible morning sickness although I obviously have to soldier on through it like I have done for the past bloody month. Sodding men!!!

chrome100 · 15/03/2015 08:41

WTF?! I'm struggling to find one thing that you should be disappointed about in your post.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/03/2015 08:41

Yabu.
I got exactly the same thing here, well different breakfast, and am absolutely delighted.
I'm now here in bed cuddling my family, and that to me, is a perfect Mother's Day. I wouldn't say it's a present giving day.

RainbowFlutterby · 15/03/2015 08:42

YABU

From what you've described your boys have put thought and effort in to what they've done for you.

SoupDragon · 15/03/2015 08:42

You got breakfast in bed and cards chosen and made by the children and you're whinging? Seriously?

Mrswire123 · 15/03/2015 08:42

Oh by the way YABU if the kids have made you a nice card and tried to make an effort. But when it comes to your other half I'm with you!!

Grantaire · 15/03/2015 08:42

Your children sound lovely and thoughtful. I shan't comment further as you sound cross and that is your prerogative. I wouldn't be unhappy with their efforts but that is me. You expect your dh to do stuff. I don't. In fact, dh is at work. Just me and the dc.

MrsFlannel · 15/03/2015 08:43

I've got nothing! Not a card. I don't give a bugger. I know my family love me but DD2 left her bag at school on Friday with my card in it....DD1 made me one on her tablet which I've been shown this morning. DH has worked a 6 day week and is in bed. If your boys were super excited about Mothering Sunday it's because you must have taught them that....which is fine but they're tiny...let them enjoy the day....keep it special. You don't need stuff to know people love you.

bumbleymummy · 15/03/2015 08:44

Yabu. You're disappointed that your children made you cards and brought you breakfast in bed?

gymboywalton · 15/03/2015 08:44

oh god please don't be disappointed

you have gorgeous small children who are excited about mothers day.
they have made you lovely things and they have brought you breakfast in bed-it's a bit rubbish but all the best mother's day breakfasts are!!

i have a 15 year old
he is up
he is wearing headphones
he hasn't acknowledged me yet this morning

my 11 year old is still asleep and will be all bleary when he wakes up

i long for the old days when i got a home made card and a small body in my bed bearing badly made breakfasts

please appreciate their excitement

alwaysstaytoolong · 15/03/2015 08:45

Oh Dear Lord. Yes YABU and your DP is right.

Spatial · 15/03/2015 08:45

It's shit when they are little. All I can say is my experience has been that it gets better the older they get, which IMO is when I dont "need" the appreciation as much, although of course it's lovely. It is sods law that when you need it, they can't do it themselves and your DH really doesn't get it.

This year, mine are 8 & 11 and I have gifts galore, homemade cards, picked my breakfast in bed from a menu. DH helped them and also bought some flowers as well on their behalf. When they were 6 & 3 there was virtually nothing, DH of the opinion that I'm not his mother (which of course is right but it IS his responsibility to help his chidren when they are still too young to do it for themselves ). He has learned over time what he needs to do to step up to the plate. He nudged them yesterday to make cards, he helped make coffee this morning, he put the oven on for lunch later, when my Mum is joining us.

I see so many threads like this on MN on Mothers Day each year and remember feeling aggrieved in the same way when mine were small, when parenting is really bloody hard work. I will be ensuring my DS fully understands this for when he is a father.

VixxFace · 15/03/2015 08:45

yabu and ungrateful. I thought that sounded lovely.

PrettyLittleMitty · 15/03/2015 08:46

YABVVVU. And ungrateful. Your dc's made you tea and pancakes in bed, made you cards, what else do you want??
Fucking hell, I cannot believe some of the selfish, ungrateful, entitled bullshit I am reading already today Angry

NerrSnerr · 15/03/2015 08:46

Christ. Some people are so high maintenance. Your children made an effort. Poor kids will never live up to your expectations will they?

QueenFuri · 15/03/2015 08:46

YABU! I would have loved my DS's homemade cards and breakfast instead I got nothing, comes across as quite grabby your poor DS's I hope you atleast faked happiness at the effort they made.

Pipbin · 15/03/2015 08:47

Yabu. I miscarried the only chance I had of having a baby. The only IVF embryo that took. All I have are scan pictures. I'll swap you that for not getting some flowers if you like.

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