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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:
PandasRock · 15/03/2015 09:01

Erm, what's the problem?

Your dc we're excited, and made cards and breakfast. Lovely.

Why should your Dh be 'sorting' anything? You're notnhis mum. He supervised the making of pancakes, and 'sorted' breakfast in bed. That's it. What else is there to do?

Why should Mother's Day be about huge gifts? Or effort from partners (beyond helping the children do what they want to)?

I don't get it.

I've had my usual homemade cards, and shop bought ones with scrawls and scribbles in (and some lovely writing from the older ones). That'll do me, although I know dh took them shopping yesterday so I expect there's some chocolates waiting to be handed over.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/03/2015 09:02

YABU. I was up until 3am with poorly DD as she only wanted 'mama'. Up again at 5 and been up since then! DH has just dashed out for a card.

You have two lovely boys who have made an effort to treat you on Mother's Day. You might have to wait a few years until you get perfectly cooked eggs Benedict and hot fresh coffee. Surely Mother's Day is about the efforts your children make?

fredfredgeorgejnr · 15/03/2015 09:02

Maybe the 4 and 6 year old weren't able to understand the receipe

Retromama008 · 15/03/2015 09:03

At least u got breakfast, it's my first Mother's Day and I have been awake since 2am with a baby refusing to sleep all night dp is still in bed now she has finally gone to sleep on me and I can't move... Maybe the rumbles of my hungry belly will wake dp up !!!!!!!!!

DieselSpillages · 15/03/2015 09:03

I get that your Dh hasn't put as much effort in as you'd have liked or would have done yourself. He doesn't match up to your ideals of perfection, but get over it Op!

Accept what you have and be grateful. Life's short and those crappy homemade cards and soggy pancakes are far more precious than you realise.

SavoyCabbage · 15/03/2015 09:04

Lack of effort!

Your children made you pancakes (not eight) accompanied by three varieties of berry (one not quite ripe) and a variety of cards!

What did you expect? The queens bagpiper?

MinceSpy · 15/03/2015 09:04

YABU and come Father's Day your children can do the same for their dad don't do it for them

Phoenixashes · 15/03/2015 09:04

YABU in regards to the cards and the breakfast. A homemade card is something I would cherish and if the children made you breakfast then you should have ate what you could with a smile!

YANBU in regards to the lie in and your DH.

HorraceTheOtter · 15/03/2015 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InQuiteAPickle · 15/03/2015 09:04

Your children sound so lovely, OP. Go and give them a tight cuddle, you are so lucky!

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 15/03/2015 09:05

But DH has helped them hasn't he? He was obviously supervising the pancake and tea making. Surely it would have been completely pointless if he had taken over and made OP breakfast while her DS's stood by and watched?

pudcat · 15/03/2015 09:06

Your children made cards and breakfast. This is just one day out of the whole year, which has been commercialised to the hilt. Cherish the effort they have made instead of spending a fortune on overpriced flowers and chocs. You are one lucky lady.

Pancakeflipper · 15/03/2015 09:08

If this is for real then your children have really tried. Of course pancakes are like mush... 6yr olds have no patience.

Not so sure about your DP but sounds like he's been with the children helping.

Your children sound delightful.
Like Sparkling, I bought myself a present this year. Got DS1 to wrap it. All happy. And thank you to the Cub leader who got the children to make us egg box caterpillars full of jelly babies.

If you want perfect mothers day - do it yourself. Otherwise it won't match your high expectations then you'll be disappointed and miserable.

VisitTheInfidel · 15/03/2015 09:09

DS (2) gave me a little box of 8 chocolates. The really nice type you choose individually in the shop. Then he sat next to me in bed and scoffed the lot. He was very excited and very happy at the outcome :o

AlpacaMyBags · 15/03/2015 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Plarail123 · 15/03/2015 09:11

YABU I got nothing, nada, no lie in even. My DH's family have never 'done Mother's Day' so now neither do we, so be grateful. What you had sounds lovely. Really nice.

softlysoftly · 15/03/2015 09:12

YABU and really controlling! I'm sure DH has a smart phone and could have googled pancake recipes. Given the chance he maybe could have started dinner. Bet the poor bloke is on permanent alert for him failing at your standards.

You are also setting your boys standards do you want them to accept moody unpleasable wives?

Honeybear30 · 15/03/2015 09:13

YABU. The only thing you didn't get was a present. Mothers Day is not about receiving presents. I completely agree with pp's saying you come across as spoiled. I think you had a lovely morning and you should be bloody grateful your children want to cook you breakfast and make your cards. Even if they don't come up to the unattainable high standard you have clearly set.

teachermummy2b · 15/03/2015 09:13

It seems to me that the OP is annoyed with her DH rather than her kids. personally, whilst I agree that the boys should have made the breakfast, which they did, if DH was supervising properly he would have made sure they were actually cooked and reminded them that mummy does not take sugar in her tea! Doing this would not have taken a huge effort on DHs part and the children would still have made breakfast!

OhYouBadBadKitten · 15/03/2015 09:14

YABU. The whole point of breakfast made by the kids is that it is supposed to be inedible. My mum used to shoo us out, feed the dog and her pot plant with our attempt at breakfast.

Ignore all of the competitive crap and know that you have boys that love you.

Topseyt · 15/03/2015 09:16

You are being very high maintenance and entitled. Your boys have tried hard and are excited.

You want everything to be perfect. Not going to happen and sets them up for failure, especially if you showed your disappointment in their efforts (did you?).

I have teenagers. Very little here today but I am having a peaceful breakfast and cup of tea in the kitchen, made by myself. My daughter has just returned from a paper round and given me a box of chocolates. All fine by me.

Lower your expectations. You can't expect 5 star hotel service.

Mother's Day is a commercial event anyway.

Cornettoninja · 15/03/2015 09:17

Had the breakfast finished you off op?Confused

Shit breakfasts are very much traditional Mother's Day events as far as I'm concerned. Doesn't everyone do it?

Try not to focus on what you think your dh should be doing and enjoy how much your ds's are excited for you. That's what it's about, not medals for mums but a day to show their love.

Don't start putting unspoken and high expectations in place because they'll only fail and everyone (especially you) will feel like shit. Enjoy your boys and let them enjoy you.

TheSultanofPing · 15/03/2015 09:19

Oh come on OP, YABU.
Your two boys must have been so excited bringing you the pancakes and fruit that they had prepared. Please look beyond the fact that they were a bit soggy, and see it as the lovely thing it was.

madhairday · 15/03/2015 09:19

Ah op your boys sound absolutely lovely.

Savour those days, they grow up so fast. My 14 and 11 year olds bought me cards and chocolates and perfectly edible toast in bed but I kind of miss the days off crappy homemade cards and mushy breakfasts and squealing little bodies in bed with me. Enjoy it, OP, you're so lucky.

Artus · 15/03/2015 09:20

Many years ago my daughter aged 9 brought me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. Her father and I had recently separated. She tried to bring me breakfast on a tray "like Daddy used to do" She spilt the coffee on the stairs.

The carpet was ruined. I loved her for it.