Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

feeling disappointed

303 replies

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 08:35

So it's mothers day, I have 2 ds aged 4 & 6. Both super excited by mothers day, ds2 is an early riser so I have been awake since 5am with dad repeatedly returning him to his bed. At6.30 ds1 woke wanting a drink, so I get up and the boys are super excited wanting pancakes, so I write down the receipe and 15 mins later I am brought a cup of tea in bed (complete with sugar, which I don't have in tea), 3 undercooked pancakes resembling mush , instructions state makes 8 little ones (any bigger and they don't cook hence mush delivered) mix of strawberries, blueberries and raspberries not quite ripe. The breakfast has been accompanied with a variety of cards made at school and a card the eldest choose whilst shopping 2 weeks ago. That's it.

Dh doesn't get I might be a tad upset, no small gift, flower nothing. Apparently he plans to go out a buy something later even though he had all afternoon yesterday to pick something up.

Yesterday dh woke and got up at 9:30 whilst I occupied kids downstairs quietly.

I feel upset that there appears little thought and consideration appreciating me. This is my first mothers day where we have not entertained our parents and cooked dinner. I have prepared dinner, the meat is already on as I have considered all of this beforehand. He doesn't get why I might be upset after all I am not his mother, but I have tried explaining that he is setting the standard for the boys.

We are not agreeing and ultimately I am really upset by the lack of effort, please post your thoughts aibu?

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 15/03/2015 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cornettoninja · 15/03/2015 09:22

I forgot to add that the 'training' thing () is most effective if you let them see how lovely it is to make someone else happy. The material stuff improves as they enjoy it more and more and continue to want to make the effort.

Start frowning your way through their current best efforts and your setting it up as an unrewarding unobtainable effort.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 15/03/2015 09:23

Treasure these days. One day they will be grown and you will miss their efforts and excitement. Don't set them standards they can't yet achieve.

Scotchmincepie · 15/03/2015 09:24

This is a joke right?

Cliffdiver · 15/03/2015 09:27

YANBU to be annoyed at your DH, but suck it up and enjoy the day for the sake of your DS.

I agree with PPs that you sound ungrateful, your DSs probably worked hard to make you their idea of a lovely breakfast and your disappointment has probably upset them.

19lottie82 · 15/03/2015 09:28

Doubt the OP will be back somehow......

Marshy · 15/03/2015 09:29

Ya but

What would have made you happy?

Marshy · 15/03/2015 09:29

Yabu obvs......damn autocorrect

GalindawithaGa · 15/03/2015 09:31

My period started today, signalling the end of a horrendous first cycle of IVF where I became so unwell they cancelled the embryo transfer. I'm up early to prepare the house as I'm hosting my little sister's baby shower. Fab timing.

But no, no, two small healthy children excitedly treating you to breakfast in bed sounds pretty terrible too.

Justusemyname · 15/03/2015 09:31

I got a sympathy card from one of my kids .

Squeegle · 15/03/2015 09:33

I understand what you're saying OP; it's not about the children's efforts, it's the lack of appreciation from DH.

Even though we are now split up my ex does make an effort to ensure that the children's efforts are coordinated presents bought etc. I do the same when it's Father's Day. It makes mefeel appreciated as a mum- not just by the kids but by their dad. It's recognition of what we do. If the DH isn't making much effort you can feel a bit under appreciated on a special day, especially if you are generally the one who does all the coordination/ appreciation etc.

spad · 15/03/2015 09:34

Tabby being disappointed by your DH.

ilovesooty · 15/03/2015 09:36

I hope you didn't demonstrate your unhappiness to your children. Talk about spoilt.

IShallCallYouSquishy · 15/03/2015 09:41

They sound so sweet. I got a card from DS (12.5 months) saying happy first Mother's Day. It's not. I have DD 2.10 too and DS was here last year. But it was the card that DS apparently pulled off the shelf and wouldn't let go of.

That means more to me than if it was a random card that DH picked on his behalf.

Mulligrubs · 15/03/2015 09:44

I get that Mother's Day means a lot to you. But you got pancakes and tea made for you. That should be enough, surely?

sebsmummy1 · 15/03/2015 09:48

Yep YABU sorry. I'm on the recurrent MC thread having had 3 this year and I can assure you there are girls on there who would give their right arms to be in your position, mushy pancakes and all.

Bowlersarm · 15/03/2015 09:53

YABU, your experience is perfectly normal.

My day so far; ds1 away at uni, ds2 plugged into laptop and hasnt even looked up yet, ds3 still in bed. No acknowledgement of my special day so far!

Bearfrills · 15/03/2015 09:56

Mothers Day with little ones is supposed to be a tiny bit rubbish, isn't it? Or have I missed the point?

I had breakfast in bed, a mildly burnt bacon sandwich and a cup of tea that tasted like it had an entire bag of sugar in it. Gifts were ones the DC had chosen themselves, DH took them to the shops yesterday, gave them money and let them go wild. They loved it and we always get a giggle from the odd things they choose. I have a Philippa Gregory book ("it's gold and black, you like gold and black"), many (empty and mismatched) photo frames which I will fill up with pictures of them, and a kitchen chalkboard. DD (3) gave me a card she made at nursery, it's back to front and signed from just in case I'd forgotten who she is. I'm not allowed to keep it though, she made it so she says it's hers (this is like the time she sent herself a dozen fathers day cards). DS1 (5) had written 24 kisses in his card so had to give me 24 real kisses, proper little boy sloppy ones. Then he asked if he could have the chalkboard back, he picked it because he liked it. Then the baby shat himself so while DH and I dealt with that, DD and DS1 ate my sandwich and drank the tea :o

I think YABU, they've tried and it must be awful for them to see you disappointed. It's not like it's your birthday or Christmas and if they're generally appreciative the rest of the year then I think it's a little bit silly to expect them to go OTT on this one day.

PowderMum · 15/03/2015 10:00

YABU or at least have unrealistic expectations.
At that age I generally got cold tea and a big mess of cereal in the kitchen, plus my handmade cards.
I now gave teenagers eldest brought me flowers and gave the, to me yesterday, the went out to a party, I don't expect her to come out of her pit before lunch.
Youngest has just got up but not mentioned its Mother's Day.
If I waited for breakfast in bed it would be afternoon tea and only after promoting.
DH gets credit as he volunteered to pick DD up at silly o'clock this morning and hasn't complained that to me is better that breakfast in bed.

HoraceCope · 15/03/2015 10:01

hope he does better next year, and for the rest of the day op!

M00nUnit · 15/03/2015 10:02

Your children sound wonderful and I actually felt quite sick reading your post. Your 4 and 6 year olds excitedly made you breakfast and you're complaining about the standard of the food? You need to take a good, hard look at yourself and think about how incredibly lucky you are to have kids at all, let alone kids that care that it's Mother's Day.

HoraceCope · 15/03/2015 10:02

oops wrong thread, that'll teach me.

Original poster

dragonfly007 · 15/03/2015 10:03

Thanks my children made a supreme effort and as I posted, were super excited so despite the breakfast being undercooked, under ripe and over sugared they were happy to feed me in bed and I appreciate fully how lucky I am to be a mum.

Perhaps I feel sad that my dad could never be bothered to make an effort for my mum, whilst my children are young I feel it's important that they recognise all the lovely things I do as a parent and its the one time that dad really needs to step up.

For those that wanted to know what expected, for my husband to take charge engage the children in a conversation about how they get their clean clothes, ironed smartly, delish food provided and cooked (things all mums do) and allowing them to choose a potted plant or small bunch off flowers to say thank you.

I just feel sorry that so few of you agree !

OP posts:

MythicalKings · 15/03/2015 10:05

YABU. You aren't his mother. Your DCs have done some lovely things for you. Be glad of that.

Thurlow · 15/03/2015 10:06

engage the children in a conversation about how they get their clean clothes, ironed smartly, delish food provided and cooked (things all mums do)

I'm a mum. I don't think I do any of that?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread