To put my career first? Career/Money or Work Life Balance?

[AccountantsDilemma]

I am at a cross roads in my career and I don't know what to do.

I have worked for my current employer for ten years and I am doing well, have worked up through the ranks and chances are I would make it to Partner....but I am really unhappy. I have two young children, no work life balance and feel constantly taken advantage of at work.

As a result I decided to look for a new job and I now have two offers on the table that I am considering.

1. Option one - FD of a relatively small business, only a handful of people in my team, sizeable pay cut from what I earn now, a few miles drive from my home (15 minute commute), no chance of promotion but a genuine 9 to 5 day - I could drop my children off at pre-prep, it would offer a huge lifestyle change.

1. Option two - the career role, large multi-national, senior role, significant pay rise (pay rise alone is almost more than option 1 pays). I did not think I would get this role, I am not sure I could even do this role - I am terrified I would fail. Even if I am good enough then it is an hour commute each way (same as current commute) and the chances are I would put the children to bed on a Sunday night and not see them until Saturday morning.

My heart is saying that I can't continue to not see my children during the week but my ambition is telling me to push myself and take option 2. I don't know what to do and I am really worried about making the wrong choice and resenting it in the future.

Any words of wisdom, past experience or general help would be much appreciated.

I agree with some of the other posters who said it'll be you who will probably suffer. I'm sure you'll make time for both work and your kids but you won't have any left for yourself. I feel like that a bit. I don't work crazy long hours but with my commute, I'm out of the house from 8 to 7 or 8 with occasional trips and late nights. During the week I see very little of my baby. An hour in the morning and often just in time for bed in the evenings. After putting the baby to bed, I have up to an hour with the older kids. But weekends and holidays are all about them. I couldn't imagine going on holiday without them.

I'm ok with that even though I wish I had more time. I mean, there's not time for everything and I've prioritised work and children. But it's also perfectly legitimate to choose other priorities.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a good salary. It doesn't make you greedy or materialistic. Me working has meant that we have the option of private school, that we have enough savings so my children can go to university and finish debt-free, that we can help them out with a deposit on a house when the day comes. For us, it's absolutely not about fancy cars and designer labels - the money I earn is for the children's futures not because i love money more than my children.

How much negotiating power do.you have with option 2 for.telecommuting, teleworking, vacation days or compressed hours?

Good luck! And no.imposter syndrome, you've earned this fair and square!

Will you really be happy not seeing your kids every day?

Option 1 without any doubt. Your children are/should be far more important than any job/career. And yes, it's unfair that men can progress when they have kids but it's life. You are their mum. They will miss you and you will miss out. Enjoy their baby years.

I would pick option 1 because there's no work life balance with option 2 and it would be intolerable to see nothing of my children during the week.
I don't understand the mentality of trying to keep up with men. Why should we play them at their game when it's their game which has helped create such inequality for decades? Why should we support that patriarchal crap and wake up one day to find the kids have been raised by the nanny?

Jeez even if I had no children, no way would I consider option 2! Forget your kids just for a minute, op - what about you? What about seeing your friends or reading or films or going shopping or walking the dog or whatever it is gives you pleasure?

Exactly Floisme, starting to wonder if I've entered some weird parallel universe on this thread where people work 24/7 with the hope of maybe reaping the rewards one day. If they live that long. (My dad did not)

Not much to add except congratulations on the two offers and good luck with your decisions. Choices like this always difficult but you sound like at least you have the "infrastructure" at home to manage the higher-paid longer hours role well. I shall watch with interest as I have some career decisions to make in the future. I hope that my field is not so cut and dry that if I took the more family-friendly role there would be no way back in the future. Are you sure option 1 means no way back in? You would have potentially gained a lot of other skills along the way? I speak though as someone quite naive to big city firms at this point - a lot of my friends who went to work for such firms have taken roles in smaller companies out of London, or have sacrificed having children or left it until much later (which of course brings its own issues as some of them are struggling). Good luck!

OP, you are not happy with option1 or option2 so I think you should keep on and look for option3.

Perhaps a job where you could fulfil your ambitions and look to progress but still be home for tea most nights.

It could be possible. Senior role in public sector or different sector perhaps? Move to another town for a new role to ditch the commute.

A lot of people on this thread saying that they would no even consider option 2 don't really understand your personality and ambitions. I can pretty confidently say that most people on partner track in big 4 would never be happy with an unchallenging, going-nowhere job. And as several others have said, Big 4 is as bad for work-life balance as it gets - Option 2 will certainly be an improvement compared to that.

It's quite clear you want to go for Option 2 - so go for it. You can always quit if it doesn't work out. But you will regret if you didn't try.
It's also not that insignificant, that your DH is older and won't retain his earning power, but your children quite young - like Shaksuka writes, financial security is for the benefit of your children.

I would definitely see if you can move though. It will give you a lot more free time if you can shorten your commute.

OP - I have the same current job as you and am struggling to decide what to do post-mat leave. I think I'd be leaning towards option 2, you've said if option 1 then you probably won't get the chance of 2 again and even though your dc are young at present, when they're older and more independent I'd want the option of any role rather than being stuck in option 1.

DH is same job also although made the move from practice to FD in industry and has never looked back. He's better paid than me and works substantially less hours so from that POV I think option 2 could be better than your current role anyway.

However, it's a tough choice and you'll probably question it regardless of what you decide.

Haven't read the whole thread. I know that for me there's no way I would have a job where I effectively didn't see my under 5's all week (unless I had to do it to stay afloat financially). THere is no question for me (and my DH) that we will both sacrifice career opportunity to spend time with our DC. I have done this for the last 7 years and although it's frustrating not having the money/position I would have if I'd kept working fulltime, I have never regretted it.

However, I realise people are different. I'm not saying the above to try and make you feel guilty OP, just letting you know that for me it would definitely be Option 1.

option 1- not seeing my dcs all week on a regular basis sounds awful. The money wouldn't tempt me, I would value the time with my dcs more

I've recently faced this exact dilemma (same field but nowhere near the scale of career or salary that you're talking about - a £10k differential rather than £100k).

I took Option 1. The pros are as good as I thought they'd be - much shorter commute and more flexible working pattern. I can still drop my DD at school one morning a week and be home in time for us all to have dinner together on Friday evenings when I finish early. I see more of the children than I used to and am much less stressed because we have more time to get ready in the mornings and I'm not hurrying them into bed as soon as we all get home.

But - and it's quite a but - the work is not nearly as interesting. I've gone from being in control of a whole function to a middle ranking process monkey. From the outside I thought I could settle in here for a few years, hopefully progress and maybe move on to a more interesting role once the call of home had quietened down. But now I'm here I'm not sure I can hack it that long.......

Probably the biggest difference between you and I is that I've done all sorts of jobs in all sorts of industries - didn't get into Finance until five years ago and have never been near the Big 4. So I can tell you that the road will always rise up to meet you. It's easy to think that career paths are set in stone and if you don't do this thing now, you can't do the next thing in a few years time. Something will always come up - and even if it's not your dream role, it might be enough to carry you forward in the meantime.

So I would say - go with whatever you feel is best for you RIGHT NOW and don't worry too much about what it means for the future. Be that Option 1 or Option 2, or hanging in there until an Option 3 comes along that suits you better.

Option 1

Have you tried/considered career coaching? A good coach should help you considerably. Someone at work may be able to recommend someone.

This is about what motivates you. What is it that makes you feel happy?
I heard Chria Evans on the radio the other day say something along the lines of 'we are not here very long, its about finding something to do with our day that makes us feel good'. I almost had to pull the car over, it really made me think- I know, Chris Evans, that great philosopher!

I am struggling with a similar dilemma at the moment, albeit on a much much lower financial level

I always look at it like an average lifespan is now approaching 80 years. That's the first 20 years to grow up, then another 60 years to divide between your family and career (realistically most of us will now work into our 70s by the time we get there).

Your DC will only be small for 10-15 years of that leftover 60 years of adulthood. Actually it's a small fraction. There will always be work and maybe option 2 won't happen again, but something else great might. Once your DC are grown, that's it, you can't have more at 50. Plus, you said you could easily live off just DH's income so money isn't really the issue. My opinion is option 1 all the way- it still sounds like a great opportunity to me.

Option 1. Having always been fairly ambitious, I have now scaled back my career and work part time. This has enabled me to spend a good amount of time with my 2 children. Having lost both parents in the past few years, this has deepened my desire to spend as much time enjoying my family as possible. My parents did this for me and gave me a happy loving childhood. I just want to do the same for my family. My career can wait.

You might find that Option 2 is more manageable/flexible than it seems. Private practice is a nightmare due to juggling numerous different demanding clients and that pervasive worry they will go elsewhere if you do not jump when they say jump (I am a lawyer so work in a similar environment). With in-house you still have "internal clients" but they can be reasoned with more effectively and you are all in the same organisation working towards the same goal so the relationship should be more co-operative.

It also sounds like you will be senior and have a team so you might well be able to dictate your working hours/style. I think you said that you currently work 4 days, is the Option 2 job also a 4 day a week one?

That said, I've head some horror stories about horrendous in house jobs and they do vary considerably. Ask to speak to someone at the organisation who understands the culture, preferably a woman with children, and see what you can learn. It may not be as all-consuming as you think.

I say this because you sound like you'd be mentally more stimulated by Option 2 and let's face it if you are going to spend 8 hours a day in an office it has to be enjoyable to some extent. If it's boring, all the flexibility in the world won't compensate. And you may not need the money but it can't do any harm!

On the other hand, just cos Option 2 is local and not so well paid doesn't mean it can't be fascinating so if it does offer the right mental stimulation then go for it.

Very best of luck OP. I do hope you'll ocme back and tell us what you chose. I think that Mumsnet is absolutely at its best in these career-type question threads.

Hi AccountantsDilemma

Just wondered if you had made a decision? {nosey emoticon}

Please tell us what you decided, OP . I really hope you're going for Option 2!!

I would go with Option 2 as well, especially if you're able to relocate closer to avoid the commute.

This is the pinnacle of everything that you've been working towards since you trained. Being a mum doesn't stop you being ambitious and it shouldn't be something you have to sacrifice, especially if there are ways to make it work.

When your children are grown up, they will look up to you so much as someone who followed their dreams. Isn't that what we teach our kids? To shoot for the stars and do what they love? What better example than watching their mum doing that.

And after a few years at the highest level, you'll be able to wield far more flexibility for your family without losing your position.

If you stagnate now, you may never get the opportunity again. If the idea of option 2 gives you butterflies then go for it. Yes, you are a parent, but you're also your own person with your own ambitions.

Good luck and let us know what you decide!

find it hard to envisage only seeing kids that young , in fact kids any age, from one weekend to next. Don't think all the fantastic holidays in the world will make that up.

i'd go with option 1. to those that say you could work from home with option 2/reduce your hours/ make it fit around you - if its like the place i work, no you couldn't - they would expect their pound of flesh and more.

you sound like you have enough money to live comfortably on. it sounds as if option 1 is reasonably interesting.

we would have found 2 high powered jobs too much stress on the family, so only husband focussed on that whilst i compromised on career and trod water.

i supposse it comes down to what do you want - 100k extra a year or more time with your kids? how much money do you need?