To put my career first? Career/Money or Work Life Balance?

[AccountantsDilemma]

I am at a cross roads in my career and I don't know what to do.

I have worked for my current employer for ten years and I am doing well, have worked up through the ranks and chances are I would make it to Partner....but I am really unhappy. I have two young children, no work life balance and feel constantly taken advantage of at work.

As a result I decided to look for a new job and I now have two offers on the table that I am considering.

1. Option one - FD of a relatively small business, only a handful of people in my team, sizeable pay cut from what I earn now, a few miles drive from my home (15 minute commute), no chance of promotion but a genuine 9 to 5 day - I could drop my children off at pre-prep, it would offer a huge lifestyle change.

1. Option two - the career role, large multi-national, senior role, significant pay rise (pay rise alone is almost more than option 1 pays). I did not think I would get this role, I am not sure I could even do this role - I am terrified I would fail. Even if I am good enough then it is an hour commute each way (same as current commute) and the chances are I would put the children to bed on a Sunday night and not see them until Saturday morning.

My heart is saying that I can't continue to not see my children during the week but my ambition is telling me to push myself and take option 2. I don't know what to do and I am really worried about making the wrong choice and resenting it in the future.

Any words of wisdom, past experience or general help would be much appreciated.

Seeing your children at weekends is pretty standard for a working parent.

That's not true in my experience at all. In fact, I don't think I know any working parents -male or female- who only see their kids at the weekend. Perhaps it's different if you live in the commuter belt, though.

Regardless, the question as to why someone might want to have children and pursue a successful career is just inane. Some posters are clearly lacking in imagination.

Btw. I work inhouse

X post LePetit

that's supposed to be in-house obviously, not on.

Why is it inane? I'm just curious as to why you would have children if you're barely going to have a relationship with them, through your own choice? I'm not asking why you would want to pursue a successful career- I have one, but not at the expense of my children. Shocked by how many deeply selfish mothers there are - op, if you take option two your children will not thank you for it. You will lose so much - but perhaps only realise how much when it's too late and they no longer need you.

If you work full time, you see precious little of small children during the week.

The weekend is when you actually get to spend time with them.

If you're going down the "Why bother?" road, you shouldn't have children and work at all, because any paid work creates periods of time when your children will not be the only thing you are thinking about.

Don't you feel filthy being such a nasty dose of poison on another woman's thread?

Is it really good for your children to spend so much time with you?

Reading your posts, it sounds to me like you are only considering option 1 because you think you should, not because you really want that lifestyle. It sounds like you would be incredibly bored when the novelty has worn off.

Given what you have written I'd take option 2. It sounds like it is senior enough that when you have settled in you could start to make changes to the working hours - earlier starts and finishes, working from home in the evenings etc.

If you do take option 1 it might help to think of it as a stop gap and look to set up your own business at the same time? It may never be as high flying, but having your own business would give you more of a mental and ambitious challenge.

So nobody working more than 9-5 should have children?

Just for the record, my mum always worked full time in a demanding role. She would have been miserable and definitely not a better parent going for a non-challening 'mum job' only so she could spend more time with us. I'm very glad she did not do it, and we still have an excellent relationship. I would disagree that I should not have been born.

OP, I work for a large multi-national, senior role - yes that does mean that I sometimes work also in the evenings and always keep an eye on the Blackberry, and sometimes there are work trips and late meetings. But being senior also means quite a bit of flexibility, so I see plenty of DS. From practical side, if moving closer is in any way an option, that would be very helpful.

I have recently taken option 1 and loving it. I expect it to my be for a few years, but am enjoying being stress free and healthy as well as seeing my family. I have the time and mental energy to study, read, see friends and pursue a life outside work.

No I don't feel filthy, for offering a different opinion - how odd! You sound very angry though - I'm guessing this is quite personal to you?I can see I have touched a lot of nerves.... I'm simply pointing out that it seems very sad to make the choice to see so little of your children. I'm not saying at all not to work - I'm saying if you have a choice, which the op does, why sacrifice your relationship with your children? I know this is mumsnet and people will wilfully misinterpret what I wrote. For clarity - I'm not questioning the choice to work ft. I'm questioning the ops choice to only see her kids at weekends - she posted here asking for opinions after all.

Ps bathtime funkster, if anyone's poisonous, it's you! Please re read your comment! Going to leave this thread now- I really don't want to spend Mother's Day reading the predictable vitriol and abuse that will now follow- good luck op and I hope you choose option one as it sounds like the right one for your family rather than just you.

Depends on what your priority is at this stage of their/ your life. It is notable that your three year old has already communicated that she doesn't see enough of you. In my view, this means that she doesn't feel prioritised in your life. Think about the implications for her of you spending even less time with her, despite what she's told you.

If you can do big 4 with two young children you can do anything!

I would take option 2.

I think you are projecting worse case scenarios onto it. As FD you will be senior enough to shape your own day and working patterns. I would expect an FD to work in the manner that suits them best and to have the confidence to do so.

I am fairly senior and realised that I set the tone for my team. I am confident enough that I can leave at 5.30 if I want to, and I never justify myself. If I need to work from home I do so, and if I need to leave early as my baby is sick I leave. My boss is happy and the work is delivered.

Do you know anyone at option 1 that you could have an informal chat to? Or ask a recruiter to set up a coffee meeting with a peer so you can chat, and subtly scope to put your mind at ease.

Final thought, why are you both commuting such a distance, is there a reason where you live where you do? Personally we decided to stay in London. 30 mins door to door which is amazing. Granted our house is prob much smaller than yours, and we're terraced, £1m (2yrs ago) and zone 2 so it is workable. But I couldn't imagine working as we do with such a commute.

Well done and all the best

OP- I chose option 1. My initial plan was a couple years doing option 1, before returning to option 2. I made the decision 5 years ago, looking at it now, it was the best decision for me, and I have no intention to return to option 2. I will always have the opportunity to pursue my career again, but I will never get that time with the DC back.

OP, a difficult decision. Personally I would take a shot at option 2 as it would challenge you, provide a better salary, widen your experience and look great on your CV. Thereafter you know you could walk into anything else on your own terms. It doesn't limit you, it gives you more possibilities for the future.

You sound as though you have been super organised already, but clearly this would take a little further rejigging to make it work and let you have some of the family time you're missing. As previous posters have suggested, working from home, or early starts and clocking off religiously in to get home in time for dinner, bath & bedtime can be done. I've worked with senior management people who've managed it. Everyday out the door by 5 and home for the kids by 6.

Have you fully investigated the flexible working arrangements for option 2? It would be a new job, so you get to set the precedent for when you get in/leave. What about a flat in London for a couple of days a week? Then you can go in at the crack of dawn, work late and make sure you're home for dinner etc the rest of the week? Or Mondays is a fixed work from home day, so that way you get the weekend and Monday.

Honestly, the local job sounds safe, but what if you decide not to stay local in a few years time? As you rightly acknowledge, you can't make the leap from option 1 to option 2, so its 'safe-suits for now' but could be a dead end.

We all know it's easy as a Mum to feel guilty and I think all too often we tend to shortchange ourselves and curtail our opportunities. You are in a great position, you have established supportive childcare already in place. You deserve a chance to excel. And its not about having it all, its about investing in your future potential to better provide for your family. Take a chance on option 2, even if only for a couple of years. If it doesn't pan out you've still gained in terms of experience and money.

Sorry OP, that should read that you talk to someone in option 2. It's pretty standard for snr roles for candidates to request/be offered this

I think it's true that it very much depends on what sort of person you are and that there's no right or wrong answer.

I'm in the minority and said Id go for Job 1 but thinking about this I am quite a lazy fucker who tends to go for the easy option. I suspect you're not this sort of person.

Someone said to me once "do what makes you happy". I guess if you're not sure which will make you happy/happiest then you just have to follow your gut instinct and do what you think will make you happy.

I'd take option 2 and then try to reduce my working hours once settled in. I've recently gone back to my career after a few years out and I am loving it but I am part time so do still have some time to myself and with the kids.

I've not read all the later posts but I've recently had to make a similar decision and the most helpful thing I can add Is think about why you wanted to leave your current role in the first place- which role meets that need? For me I was looking for a role that was more flexible in how I worked so I can spend more time at home. It was hard because I found other great jobs which I would have loved but did not meet that need So had to hold firm and remember why I was leaving in the first place to find the right thing for me now.

Have I got this right: You're unhappy because you have no work-life balance so you're considering an option which would make this even worse?

Your DH needs to consider your future earnings and career as well as his own. If he is there for a fair few bedtimes that's good.

Surely in a senior role you could seek a certain amount of flexibility, eg late start once or twice a week to do school run or day a week from home, so you could spend time with the DC.

I would take option 1.

I am in City law so very much aware of what long hours involve. I've been in until past midnight 3 times in the last week and that wasn't even an unusually bad week. Personally I wouldn't find that sustainable with young children.

I assume you're talking about similar hours?

I think option 1 sounds ideal.

Id take option 1 because to me my family is more important than money. I love being there for bedtime and again in the morning.

That sounds harsher than I want it to, but I have no other way to explain it.

There is nothing wrong with option 2 and having a high earning career, but for me Id rather have less commute, less stressful job and spend time with my family than be a high earner.

Firstly, they've picked you, they think you can do the job, so don't worry about that. I've never known a man to worry.

Could you negotiate one day a week working from home or similar?

If not most of the high flying women I know leave the office on the dot and work on the commute and after the kids are in bed. Just make it clear to your team and bosses this is what you are doing and ask the to make it work ie phone and laptop. I've had plenty of male bosses adopt this tactic when they have moved out to Sevenoaks/tunbridge.

I also agree that outside of the big4, jobs do generally have more reasonable hours with just peaks every so often is year-end, deal time.

Good luck -as an ex big4, I'd go for option 2.