To put my career first? Career/Money or Work Life Balance?

[AccountantsDilemma]

I am at a cross roads in my career and I don't know what to do.

I have worked for my current employer for ten years and I am doing well, have worked up through the ranks and chances are I would make it to Partner....but I am really unhappy. I have two young children, no work life balance and feel constantly taken advantage of at work.

As a result I decided to look for a new job and I now have two offers on the table that I am considering.

1. Option one - FD of a relatively small business, only a handful of people in my team, sizeable pay cut from what I earn now, a few miles drive from my home (15 minute commute), no chance of promotion but a genuine 9 to 5 day - I could drop my children off at pre-prep, it would offer a huge lifestyle change.

1. Option two - the career role, large multi-national, senior role, significant pay rise (pay rise alone is almost more than option 1 pays). I did not think I would get this role, I am not sure I could even do this role - I am terrified I would fail. Even if I am good enough then it is an hour commute each way (same as current commute) and the chances are I would put the children to bed on a Sunday night and not see them until Saturday morning.

My heart is saying that I can't continue to not see my children during the week but my ambition is telling me to push myself and take option 2. I don't know what to do and I am really worried about making the wrong choice and resenting it in the future.

Any words of wisdom, past experience or general help would be much appreciated.

I say take option 2. You can always trade down but you might not get another opportunity to trade up.

Is your OH on board? The above might be more difficult if s/he is not supportive. Assuming s/he is, I say take a punt on yourself and go for the big job

OP, it depends on what is important to you now. Job 1 would allow you to see your children at a stage when they still need you and want to spend time with you - you can always hunt down the big roles when they are older and away at Uni. It would be a case of working to live and allow you time to pursue other ventures, hobbies and interests.

Alternatively, could you take job number 2 and see if you could work flexible time/at home for 2 days a week? Is there any way of cutting the commute by using a branch office? Could you move closer to the job (I am guessing London, so may be not, but worth a thought).

Either way, good luck and congratulations on the offers.

I took option two. It was worth it. Long term security and ability to earn more in future. Need amazing childcare. Child focussed leisure time, remembering to grab a smidgen for yourself and your relationship. Buy additional holiday if offered. Good cleaner. You will feel like superwoman some days - mother inferior others.

Dp said take the career option - you can always leave. I dont think he meant it. He looks worried if I ever mention it.

Option 2.

Defo option 1. Wish I could have a 9 to 5 job. Would more seniority make you happier if you are not happy now?

My ds has just got to an age where he cries if I say I'm away for work next week. It's grim

Do you have a partner? What do they think about this? Are they prepared to support you if you go for option 2?

What kind of childcare do you have? If you went for option 2 will it support you in this?

Personally, based on my own life choices (my DC are now in their 20s), I would always, always say that you should take option 2. If you're a professional, and want to have a career, then taking too long out of work, or 'downsizing' isn't going to get you anywhere.

But if you want to progress and develop your career, you absolutely can do it, but you need to have the right childcare in place as well as the support of your partner.

I'm terrified of outing myself so sketchy on details but it is safe to say that if I went with Option 1 then Option 2 would never be possible in the future.

Equally, Option 1, a local reasonably well paid job (for the area!) is very rare and it was luck on timing that it came up.

Will I regret not spending more time with my children?

manatee my husband says the right things and will support me either way but it is clear he would prefer I took the local role.

ABC thanks for the congrats, although it feels more like a curse at the minute!

I don't know you but I would say go with your heart. If option one is enough salary to live comfortably then go for work life balance. When they are a bit older you will still be able to progress. Good luck whatever your decision

Option 2. Go for it! You can always step back when you need to. Perhaps DH can downgrade his hours to support you? And as others have said, get fabulous childcare and housekeeping to ensure all your free hours are wonderful family or relationship time, not drudgery of laundry or tidying. Congratulations on the job offers too!

Sorry cross post. If option 2 will never come up again it's a difficult decision but which would you regret missing out on 20 years from now?

I say option 1. Unless your dp is a SAHD.

Otherwise I think the stress of juggling childcare with a long commute, long hours, housework, etc becomes too much.

I am lucky to have great childcare in place (lovely live in nanny) and a 3 day a week housekeeper too, sometimes I think I organised my home life too well as it can run without me and I am not sure that is a good thing.

The hardship is that my children are both under 4, my 3 year old already complains she doesn't see me enough (I work 4 days per week and don't see them Monday to Thursday) and my youngest seems to be just as attached to our nanny as she is to me, I know I should be pleased about this but I find it hard sometimes.

The local role would give me the chance to see friends, exercise more, live a healthier more balanced life....but I have always been so career minded and ambitious so the change feels huge.

Given your child care setup I would say option 2. But make sure that weekends are for children / family.

To be honest I really don't think this is a decision anyone else can make for you. You really need to think hard about what is important to you and what is the future you see for yourself.

I have been climbing a career ladder, thinking that getting higher up would make me happier. Recent events in my life turned that around and a lot of soul searching made me realise that actually earning more isn't going to make me any less miserable and wasn't really the most important thing to me.

If you can afford it then option 1 for me every time.
You'll never get this time with your children back again.
Cliche but true. Do people really look back at their life and say ' I really regret I didnt spend more time at work'?

I'm just making the same decision and am about to step down from my current role and go part time.

I need a better work life balance and my dd is a teenager who doesn't need me as much as a younger dc. I want to be at home more, exercise more, make more cakes, take up crocheting, see friends, read books.

You're a long time dead. My dad died recently a month before he should have retired. It's made me evaluate stuff.

You are right Lions, I know I need to make the decision, but I am driving DH mad with discussing it this weekend so I am almost just venting on here...and hoping to gather a few 'I did option x' stories to check I have considered all avenues.

I had a similar situation when my DDs were younger (now aged 5 and 7). When they were 2 and 3) I was offered a great contract which I took and was working crazy hours to fulfil. I plugged away for 2 years, did really well and made some key contacts. I then stopped and had DD3 and loved the short break off but was itching to get back on the career route. The DDs had great nursery care and the extra pay allowed us to go on some great family holidays which the DDs still remember. They are older and just as lovely and precious to me now, and I have a little more time with them which is good to have.

But I'm glad I went with career option and didn't screw my future career up. Now is a more natural downtime in my career and so the break is easier to swallow.

Will you be working long hours indefinitely or would you have the option of going part time or working from home at a later time?
It's a tough decision, good luck with it.

But that's very revealing. How much is your Dh worrying about his career or how much time he's spending with his children?

Why, in other words, should it be you sacrificing the career that you've worked so hard for?

Good luck VivaLeBeaver, its great that you have made that choice and feel comfortable with it. I am sorry to hear about your dads death, but yes, it does put things into perspective

I did option 1 and haven't looked back (FD of a large team to FC of a small team) Despite the huge paycut, I'm much happier and far less stressed. I no longer dread going to work on a Monday and I get to see my kids each day. I could in theory go back up a level but life is just so much calmer now that it's not something I want to consider right now.

DH is driving me a little mad actually BIWI so good questions!

He is the breadwinner, although to be fair we are both lucky enough to be high earners, but he earns a lot more than me. He is quite a bit older though and my future earning potential is much greater than his, I do sometimes wonder if he feels threatened by it but he would never say that.

The money is however probably a bit of a red herring as we could easily exist on one of our salaries alone.

He manages to work surprisingly good hours (after an early 6am start to commute into London) and is often home for bedtime.

I chose option 1 , I don't regret it at all. I reckon I can spend the next 10 years enjoying my career but feeling the balance of power is with the kids and home and then push on later when they don't want to hang out with me anymore!
I have a pal who took option 2 and seeing how much she misses (and regrets missing) makes it even clearer.
Good luck, it sounds like your childcare is in good nick so your kids will be in great hands. Just try to work out how you feel about it all.

Totally confess that yours is a different world to mine (I'm a single mum not working due to ill health) but I can honestly say that option two would make me totally miserable.. Put yourself looking back 20, 30, 40 years down the line.. Only you can know what your regrets would be.