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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore the upstairs neighbour banging on his floor about crying baby

420 replies

MrsHende · 14/03/2015 08:04

Baby hates getting dressed and usually screams her way through the 5-6 minute process. Twice our upstairs neighbours has banged on their floor, presumably because of the noise. Both times were after 7.30 and before 8am, once this morning and once last week, on a week day.

Who IBU?

(My mum thinks I should change the baby in a different room, possibly the best solution for everyone's blood pressure!)

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 14/03/2015 09:24

Um Squirm the OP has already said she's going to change the baby in another room. She just hadn't thought of it before.

stitch10yearson · 14/03/2015 09:26

He is being a dick. Your mom has come up with an eminently suitable suggestion.

flora717 · 14/03/2015 09:27

Is he just banging / doing something noisy? It's vague. Unless he says something should you be complaining that he's banging around up there?

Aridane · 14/03/2015 09:29

I'm with your mother, OP

AnnieThePianist · 14/03/2015 09:31

Put a note through asking them not to bang in the morning as it scares your baby and makes her scream

This.

What exactly are they hoping to achieve? Banging on the ceiling would wind me right up.

And I disagree that you should have to change her in a different room. Babies cry. If you live in a flat you may, unfortunately, hear a neighbour's baby sometimes. The end.

ghostyslovesheep · 14/03/2015 09:32

He is being very PA banging on the floor but I can see both sides

7:30 on a Sat is early if you don't have kids - and it's preventable on your part

do you even need to get her dressed that early? I would at least do it in a room less likely to cause them to wake up

but the banging is out of order

Lovemylittlebear · 14/03/2015 09:32

Banging on the floor (even if noise sensitive) is socially inept (when it's a baby crying) and anyone that thinks it is acceptable may also potentially have social/ perspective taking difficulties. Try changing rooms...but it's a shame they couldn't just knock on the door and have a chat to let you know it was causing them stress and could you change rooms or try and stop the crying (although anyone that has ever had s baby knows that's not a quick fix Magic wand solution). Good Luck :) I'm lucky we have really lovely neighbours that put up with our little one...being a little one :) xx

PoundsToKilos · 14/03/2015 09:35

Why don't you try to address the problem of why your baby screams every time you dress her? Surely that is not normal - crying maybe, but screaming?

SaucyJack · 14/03/2015 09:35

I wonder how many neighbours he annoyed when he was a crying baby?

Babies cry. Grow up and deal with it. Unless you suspect they're being neglected obv.

expatinscotland · 14/03/2015 09:37

Lol at paying for sound proofing in a flat, which may be rented, because you might have a 'noise sensitive' neighbour.

I am noise sensitive due to PTSD. So I use a powerful fan and earplugs to drown out noise. I did this, too, when I worked nights of evening shifts.

Normal household noise is just that, and the onus is on the noise sensitive person to do something about it if they find that bothersome and live in a flat.

Our downstairs neighbour is like yours OP. He banged up, complained. All complaints get thrown out because the noise of reasonable living, including baby crying, is just that.

He's a twat.

LipglossHoney · 14/03/2015 09:38

When he bangs I'd rush round to 'check he's ok' he 'could have fallen or needs assistence' you know, being a good neighbour and all. Then watch him squirm.

sosix · 14/03/2015 09:41

Who complains about a crying baby?Hmm fgs as if being a parent isn't hard enough. < wonders off muttering>

PrimalLass · 14/03/2015 09:45

If you can avoid falling out with your neighbour by just changing her somewhere else then go for it.

Why don't you try to address the problem of why your baby screams every time you dress her? Surely that is not normal - crying maybe, but screaming?
Hmm

FuzzyHeaded · 14/03/2015 09:45

YANBU. I have yet to achieve my dream of not living in a flat and you just have to accept that when you literally live on top of someone else, you are going to hear noise, and banging on the floor is not the way to go about complaining.

passmethewineplease · 14/03/2015 09:49

Good idea to try an different room OP.

I can't personally stand people that complain about babies making noise. What the fuck is banging on the floor going to do, make the baby suddenly be quiet or stress a parent out who is probably stressed already. Utter stupidity.

My dc1 had terrible colic and the neighbour banged on the wall, it did fuck all apart from annoy and upset me. I was trying everything. It's not as if I held her up to the wall or anything.

Living in a flat is a lifestyle choice too, round here there's not much price difference tbh.

Babies cry, it's their way of communicating. Deal with it, tell him go buy ear plugs.

Pounds my nephew screams when he has to get changed. He doesn't like being interrupted especially if he's having fun.

Grantaire · 14/03/2015 09:57

I am noise sensitive. Apparently, I am also sensitive to the phrase "lifestyle choice". It sounds like a sneery, loaded term.

Anyway, I have the common sense choice to use earplugs, a fan and exercise my own common decency by communicating with people in a polite way instead of aggressively bashing on party walls.

OP you sound very sensible and kind and I agree that moving rooms if possible is the best course of action.

Some babies scream when getting changed. They are, apparently, sensitive to temperature and being wrangled. Not sure if this is a lifestyle choice or if they're being unreasonable.Grin

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 14/03/2015 09:58

i would try a different room. we lived in flats it could be a nightmare as every sound can be magnified.

one we had a guy who complained about dp alarm going off at 6.30 then they played guitars/drums at 9/10pm
then there was a family who complained my dd made too much noise running on the floor before 8pm then her kids screamed and cried at midnight due to the loud music in their flat. solution they turned the tv in kids room up louder - we heard all this as children's room was below us. disgusting behaviour on their part was glad when we moved away.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 14/03/2015 09:58

To be fair, you dress your baby every day and have only heard the banging twice. Could it be that the neighbour is not presumably complaint about the noise but doing something else?

If nothing else, pop up to your neighbour, ask if the baby crying in the morning has disturbed them, apologise if they say yes and explain that you are going to be changing them in a different room from now. If they say no, you have the opening to say you heard the banging so they will know that their noise is impacting on you.

But as the banging has only been twice and you've not spoken or heard otherwise from your neighbour, it would be worth actually speaking to them to find out what is going on in order to maintain neighbourly relations.

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 10:00

I can see both sides.

The neighbour is being unreasonable by banging on the floor, but he isn't being unreasonable to be annoyed by a screaming baby. Anyone who thinks otherwise clearly has no understanding. I remember what is was like being next door to a noisy family one holiday and being woken up early by their noise. I didn't bang on the wall, but OH and I were extremely irritated by the racket. We only had to put up with that for two weeks, but I wouldn't have fancied living next to/under/above them.

"I can't personally stand people that complain about babies making noise."

That's a bit harsh. Don't you remember what life was like pre children? And how noisy they appear to be when they aren't your own? Someone else's screaming baby is extremely aggravating, especially at 7.30 on a weekend morning.

Since there is an easy solution by dressing the baby in another room why wouldn't the OP do that?

passmethewineplease · 14/03/2015 10:03

The OP is going to do that bun she already said it didn't occur to her and will try that from now on.

I fail to see how baby or mum is being unreasonable.

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 10:06

Yes I did read that. I was trying to explain it from the neighbour's point of view. Although I still think that banging on the floor is out of order.

Being sleep deprived whether it is by your own baby or someone else's is no fun.

littlemslazybones · 14/03/2015 10:19

Actually, I lived in a semi next to a retired neighbour who would Hoover her home at 5:30 am pre-kids. Her home, her choice. I was capable of buying earplugs if it pissed me off.

Honestly the amount of drama llama hyperbole about babies and crying on here makes me laugh.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 14/03/2015 10:21

I just love all the people that fail to understand why their baby isn't the center of EVERYONE ELSE'S world.

Not everyone loves your child like you do, folks - hard as that is to hear.

passmethewineplease · 14/03/2015 10:25

Small who said they think their child should be the centre of the universe?

OP isn't asking her neighbour to love the child as his own just not to be an arsehole by banging when her baby cries. Part of living in a block of flats unfortunately.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 14/03/2015 10:34

YANBU OP.

People who are noise sensitive and noisy families (like those with babies) sometimes have few housing options and end up living in flats. I am a noise sensitive, flat dwelling parent to an 11mo. I can see all sides but the fact is, at the point where you move into a flat, you accept that there are going to be some times where a neighbour inconveniences you with noise. In my case, it's when the upstairs neighbour's German shepherd falls off the bed directly above me in the middle of the night and scares the living daylights out of me. Or how noisy his children can sometimes be when they stay.

Your neighbour needs to accept that babies cry, and frankly, count his lucky stars that it's only for a few minutes at a time. If it was sustained, I'd have more sympathy and try to minimise how much they could hear by moving rooms. But to be banging on the floor over a few minutes of noise is twatty.

You're already doing it in the living room...It's fairly unlikely that that you have a bedroom above your living room.