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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore the upstairs neighbour banging on his floor about crying baby

420 replies

MrsHende · 14/03/2015 08:04

Baby hates getting dressed and usually screams her way through the 5-6 minute process. Twice our upstairs neighbours has banged on their floor, presumably because of the noise. Both times were after 7.30 and before 8am, once this morning and once last week, on a week day.

Who IBU?

(My mum thinks I should change the baby in a different room, possibly the best solution for everyone's blood pressure!)

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 14/03/2015 08:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnikittyInHerBusinessSuit · 14/03/2015 08:11

7:30 isn't too unreasonable a time, but if you can change her in a room that's less likely to wake him up then why wouldn't you? Depending on what term you're on with neighbour you might want to do a note saying "sorry to disturb you with DD's morning yell - we're trying all we can to keep her happy of course, but in the mean time we'll take her into a different room which I hope will be less audible"

Nolim · 14/03/2015 08:12

Regardless of the reason banging on the floor is just rude.

IceLemonGin · 14/03/2015 08:14

YANBU.

A baby crying and other living noises are just part of being a neighbour. If it's practical to dress the baby in another room then I would to try and keep the peace, but if not, carry on. He's being U not you...and I say this as an upstairs neighbour myself.

HerBigChance · 14/03/2015 08:17

It is knobbish. I've banged on the floor about a current neighbour's music, but never about a previous one's baby. Yes, the noise can be bloody annoying, but that's life.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/03/2015 08:19

Ignore them. Kid downstairs from us screams lots in morning.I just accept it as part of life.

MumToFourCats · 14/03/2015 08:21

Put a note through asking them not to bang in the morning as it scares your baby and makes her scream.

Only1scoop · 14/03/2015 08:25

I probably would go in different room if she's banging on the floor....

ProudAS · 14/03/2015 08:26

Some people are particularly sensitive to noise for various reasons. (myself included although a few minutes per day at 7:30AM I could handle). Being a parent is a lifestyle choice, being noise sensitive isn't and there is such a thing as soundproofing or not putting the baby directly below neighbour's bedroom.

OP - I suggest you speak to your neighbour. If dressing the baby in another room is going to stop them from being disturbed then that would be the thing to do.

LittleBearPad · 14/03/2015 08:27

Whilst it's rude to bang on the floor if you can change in another room then it would be better to do so.

Original poster
MrsHende · 14/03/2015 08:27

Thank you all for reassuring me that a baby's crying is not unreasonable!

To be honest, changing her in a different room hadn't occurred to me (can I blame sleep deprivation?) and mum just suggested that after the bangs this morning. I think that I'll try that, don't wish to deliberately aggravate anyone and would rather keep the peace. even though when they banged the floor I could cheerfully have banged their face!

OP posts:
goodnessgraciousgouda · 14/03/2015 08:28

Yes they are being annoying but do you know their circumstances? It might be a reasonable time for you but maybe they do shift work, or work nights, or insert any other reason why this might cause them more annoyance than you might think.

of course you can't help having a crying baby, but I can see why it would cause frustration for,others. I don't think either of you are in the wrong. That said, if you can help by changing rooms then that's really no skin off your nose and would be the most considerate thing to do.

Original poster
MrsHende · 14/03/2015 08:30

Mumtofourcats - love that idea!! Grin

I had just assumed that their layout was the same as ours, and we change her in our living room but I guess it must be a bedroom above there.

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 14/03/2015 08:34

That is very kind of you.

Even of they have noise sensitivity they are still being a dick.

I have noise sensitivity and would not do this.

QueenBean · 14/03/2015 08:40

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that a baby crying is a horrible noise to listen to, especially to be woken up to. Although he is rude to bang on the door and not speak to you directly.

If you can change the baby in a room that wouldn't disturb the neighbour why wouldn't you just do it?

dementedma · 14/03/2015 08:40

We changed the bedrooms round in our upstairs flat so that the DC were no longer over the neighbours sitting room. Dont know if it helped but we told them what we had done to at least show we were making an effort. Bloody hate living in flats.

vegplotter · 14/03/2015 08:44

I agree moving to another room would be considerate, but what does the neighbour think banging on his floor will achieve? It's not like babies have volume switches and can be turned down for being too loud (I am going to devote my life's work to inventing this and will retire a multibillionaire). Plus does he think you aren't aware or distressed yourself over your baby's crying.

ProudAS · 14/03/2015 08:49

What might banging on the floor achieve??? Baby being moved to another room perhaps. I think the neighbour could go about complaining in a different way but he has the right to enjoy his property.

Babies may not come with volume switches but noise sensitivity does not have an off button either.

spidey66 · 14/03/2015 08:50

I can see both sides.

I live in a ground floor flat. The man upstairs is quiet, but we do hear his washing machine, vacuum etc. These to me are normal household noises and it wouldn't occur to me to make a fuss. I assume he hears similar noise from us. Neither us nor him have kids but a baby is even more understandable as a normal household noise. They cry, and are unpredictable with it, that's what they do! But certainly as getting him dressed does provoke the crying it maybe helpful for neighbourly relations to dress him in another room. He maybe a shift worker or working late into the night (eg in a bar) and his sleep is disturbed. As it's not his baby he may less sympathetic than if it was his own child.

Christelle2207 · 14/03/2015 08:50

Our baby cries a lot and our neighbour has (gently, politely) complained about it. Previously, because we've rarely heard anything at all from her house we thought she didn't hear that much. Anyway moving rooms properly is not really doable but we are conscious of night time and early morning crying and take DS to a different part of the house as quickly as possible. We've not heard from her since.
Your neighbour is a twat. And I don't think 7.30 is that early. Ours screams at all hours but at 5.30/6am most daysHmm

wearing · 14/03/2015 08:51

YABU

I wouldn't ignore, I'd go up there and bang on his door to give him a piece of my mind.

Fucking knob

spidey66 · 14/03/2015 08:55

Christelle2207 7.30 may not be early for you but if he's worked a night shift in security or something and has only just got to bed, it's an unsociable time.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 14/03/2015 08:57

"Being a parent is a lifestyle choice, being noise sensitive isn't"

Living in a flat is a lifestyle choice. Why not make the lifestyle choice of living in the country with no neighbours, if you're noise sensitive?

I imagine even noise sensitive people benefit from the existence of other people's offspring. Unless they built their own house, grow their own food, treat their own medical problems and don't like chatting much.

ProudAS · 14/03/2015 09:11

Some of us with noise sensitivity can't afford to live in the country with no neighbours and interacting with other people's offspring is hardly the same as having sleep disturbed by them.

Parents may not be able to afford to live in the country either but if you choose to have a child you choose to meet expenses which may include sound proofing etc.

What if your DC's school bus were to crash due to driver being sleep deprived thanks to neighbour's baby?

What if your health or that of a family member was being affected by lack of sleep due to crying baby next door?

I do think the neighbour is going about it the wrong way but may have a genuine grievance.

SquirmOfEels · 14/03/2015 09:20

I think OP is being very unreasonable, and her mother is right.

The neighbour is banging only once a day. Not every time the baby makes noise.

And, as OP says, it's intense noise at a time of her choosing (when dressing the baby) and in a place of her choosing (she has another room available).

I think OP should think about being the one to follow RubbishRobot's advice and move to somewhere with no neighbours. Then it won't matter which room she chooses, nor when she chooses to start the scream-fest that accompanies dressing at the moment.