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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding clashes with mothers day

202 replies

crabappling · 12/03/2015 12:46

I've booked wedding with new partner. Its this sunday. He has just told me his ex says she wants to see dcs as its mothers day. I had no idea that it clashes with mothers day until last month when she brought it up. Its still not resolved. Ex normally sees her dcs on mothers day. She has asked us to rearrange wedding. I think oh's ex is being unreasonable and we have offered her another day to have dcs as we want them to be at wedding.

I don't know who is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
ChristyMooreRocks · 13/03/2015 09:11

Seriously, who gives a fuck about mothers Day?

OddFodd · 13/03/2015 09:25

Given that the children normally see their mum on mothering Sunday (not invented by Hallmark), I can understand why she's narked.

I don't blame you though - I blame your DP. He must know that mothering sunday falls in March every single year and if you have strained relations with the mother of your children and you're going to book a wedding on a Sunday in March, it would probably be best to check that it's not going to clash with the one day that she wants to see her children outside her access weekends.

I'm not saying you should cancel but she's probably thinking that you've done it deliberately to spite her. So for the sake of harmony, it's a bit dim.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/03/2015 09:32

It would never have occurred to me to check the calendar for Mother's Day if I was booking something in December, I think a wedding is far more important and clearly can't be changed at this short notice. I can see why she's annoyed but she can have every other Mother's Day, you only have one wedding.

OddFodd · 13/03/2015 09:36

Similarly, you could argue that they could have chosen any day for their wedding.

Neither side is right here tbh. She's being unreasonable asking you to change it but you're being unreasonable/careless not to have checked because you knew it was important to her.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/03/2015 09:38

It would have been a good idea to check, but they didn't and that can't be changed.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/03/2015 09:39

All you saying that you don't give a fuck about Mother's Day - that's entirely irrelevant. There's lots of celebration dates I don't give a fuck about, but that doesn't stop them being important to other people. The OP says the ex does give a fuck about Mother's Day, hence this problem.

MsJudgementalPants · 13/03/2015 09:43

She is being completely unreasonable. I wonder though if this is more about vindictiveness rather than her being upset about Mothers' Day. Your DP is well rid.

OddFodd · 13/03/2015 09:45

No, I know. Confused

ClockwiseCat · 13/03/2015 09:49

I think you were insensitive booking that date in general terms but given the history of abandonment I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.

Kewcumber · 13/03/2015 09:56

I will be spending Mothers day at a mini rugby tournament (oh joy) and would much rather spend it at a wedding. Maybe you could invite ex to wedding and the problem is sorted

ChristyMooreRocks · 13/03/2015 10:55

All you saying that you don't give a fuck about Mother's Day - that's entirely irrelevant. There's lots of celebration dates I don't give a fuck about, but that doesn't stop them being important to other people. The OP says the ex does give a fuck about Mother's Day, hence this problem.

Well the ex is going to have to get her big girl pants on and deal with the fact that not everyone feels the same as her and that for this year only she will have to have her 'Mothers Day' on a day other than Sunday. Her kids really want to go to the wedding, she needs to be a grown up about it.

butterfly2015 · 13/03/2015 11:03

Give the ex a creme egg. I'm sure that will sort things out

Duckdeamon · 13/03/2015 11:05

Has this really only been raised now?!

SunnyBaudelaire · 13/03/2015 11:05

"Give the ex a creme egg."
LOL that is the best advice yet

PHANTOMnamechanger · 13/03/2015 11:07

the ex also needs to consider what is best for her DC, not her selfish wants. This is all about HER. It's all about trying to get some sort of petty REVENGE. If she was really a caring mum, then first of all they would live with her, not their dad and new partner. And even if they had 50/50 parenting and it was genuinely her weekend to have the DC, then the grown up thing to do is graciously compromise - does she really want to deprive them of being part of their fathers special day? they will only resent her for it!

Oswin · 13/03/2015 11:11

Why on earth do people keep saying the ex has abandoned the children? Its fucking odd.

however · 13/03/2015 11:27

The ex sounds like she'd like to throw a spanner in the works, just because she can.

I wouldn't know the date from one year to the next.

NeedABumChange · 13/03/2015 11:59

YANBU. Mother's Day wouldn't even cross my mind as a date to check for or even avoid if it was pointed out.
Congratulations, I hope it all works out and you have a lovely day with the children.

BikketBikketBikket · 13/03/2015 12:30

According to my late DM, 'Mother's Day' was 'brought over here by the Yanks during the War' Smile. Please understand that this may or may not be accurate, but certainly, she always preferred a card with 'Mothering Sunday' on it...
The American-style 'Mother's Day' has gradually ousted 'Mothering Sunday' - to the extent that some posters on here didn't realise that there was a religious element to the day
I do like to see my DC on Mothering Sunday - but this year I won't be able to, as one is working and the other going out with their pwn family - they took me for a meal last weekend and have been re-instated into my will GrinGrin
OP, enjoy your wedding - with your DSC in attendance Flowers

ArcheryAnnie · 13/03/2015 12:40

If she was really a caring mum, then first of all they would live with her, not their dad and new partner.

...what the everloving fuck? Seriously?

Oswin · 13/03/2015 13:02

Don't you know that mothers that are Nrps are shit moms who abandon there children. Men who are Nrp on the other hand..

OVienna · 13/03/2015 13:32

Flowergirlmum
Thanks...

I seriously think the ex needs to consider my experience - there's every chance, if she insists on making this particular Sunday all about her and keeping her kids away from their dad's wedding that the one thing her children WILL remember and associate with Mother's Day for longer than she might imagine is her very unreasonable behaviour.

ArcheryAnnie · 13/03/2015 15:44

What time is the wedding? Could they see the ex before, or (in order to forestall any lateness or delays or whatever of the DCs to the wedding) afterwards?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 13/03/2015 16:40

What ChristyMoore said.

fedupbutfine · 13/03/2015 17:50

If she was really a caring mum, then first of all they would live with her, not their dad and new partner

is it nice in Cloud Cuckoo Land?

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