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Original poster

wedding clashes with mothers day

202 replies

crabappling · 12/03/2015 12:46

I've booked wedding with new partner. Its this sunday. He has just told me his ex says she wants to see dcs as its mothers day. I had no idea that it clashes with mothers day until last month when she brought it up. Its still not resolved. Ex normally sees her dcs on mothers day. She has asked us to rearrange wedding. I think oh's ex is being unreasonable and we have offered her another day to have dcs as we want them to be at wedding.

I don't know who is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
MaggieGreene · 12/03/2015 17:41

Hang on, so she fucked off and left your DP and her kids. The kids live with you and your DP, it's not her access weekend, she's known about it for a few weeks at least? And NOW she decides she wants them on Mother's Day? Christ she's got a cheek! Tell her to do one, keep the kids with you, enjoy your wedding. If Mother's Day is so important to her (and her leaving her kids I doubt it) then she can celebrate it next week!

It's actually only Mother's Day her in the UK this Sunday, other countries do it on different Sundays, so it's obviously not set in stone like Christmas or birthdays.

Fizrim · 12/03/2015 17:59

I am amazed that you didn't realise it was Mother's Day when you booked - especially if it was at short notice, it's probably why the day was free! You said in your OP that the ex always has the DC on Mother's Day and that she raised this a month ago, so it's not that she's just raised this three days beforehand is it?

A difficult situation to resolve this far down the line - perhaps they could see her for part of the day and then attend the wedding?

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 12/03/2015 18:01

mothers day is mothering sunday, its a religious thing relating to your 'mother church' and visiting it during Lent/before Easter.

Hallmark got hold of it and it became a 'thing'.

to be honest, as long as the kids send her a card, what does it matter, your anniversary will not fall on mothering sunday next year or for a few after that either. (my dd was born on a mothering sunday, its never fell on mothering sunday since then) keep the kids on that day.

have a lovely day, and congratulations :)

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 12/03/2015 18:02

she's had since this years calendars were published to make sure she had access arranged for this sunday.

TwinkieTwinkle · 12/03/2015 19:01

I'm sorry but if I was looking at a calendar, trying to arrange my wedding and I saw that tiny, greyish writing (always the same printed on calendars!) saying Mothering Sunday, I would not give a second thought about it. This whole thread is literally a farce. OP should have her wedding, kids included. Soon-to-husbands ex should take a hike and possibly be told to stop being a cow.

Cantdecideondinner · 12/03/2015 19:21

I agree, seeing Mothering Sunday on a calendar wouldn't even register on my radar of dates to avoid.

Hulababy · 12/03/2015 19:35

Well its not great planning but it can't be changed now - 3 days to go!

Of course a child will know its Mothers Day - Mother's Day is often covered at school at the very least. And it would be even worse to now totally ignore Mother's Day - their mum would not be happy at all surely?

It seems unusual timing for a last minute wedding, especially with the bride's mother also being away and it being a Sunday. However its done now.

If possible it would be nice for the children to go to their mum's for the first part of the morning, and then be picked up and brought over to the wedding. It seems this may not be possible though.

However, it is the OP's partner's weekend, its too late to change a wedding date and the children want to be there - that has to come first now.

waithorse · 12/03/2015 19:39

Mothering Sunday is not
a Hallmark day. Hmm

Could you share the day ?

Mrsstarlord · 12/03/2015 19:43

YADNBU

I didn't know it was mothers day till I started seeing all the moaning posts on here. Why would you have noticed? Weird.

Fiddlerontheroof · 12/03/2015 19:54

She's a loon, seriously. Ignore her....it's your weekend, make sure kids send cards etc, continue to offer her an alternative date.

This shit happens all the time. I had Christmas Day on Boxing Day this year as my kids were with their ex...it's all part of it. Certainly don't entertain any other requests from her. I understand why you feel guilty, but really...don't lose anymore sleep over it. Have a wonderful, special day :) x

HeyDuggee · 12/03/2015 19:59

Actually, this is your fault.

Ex always has the kids on Mother's Day, you said.

So this IS HER ACCESS DAY!

You didn't check the calendar and booked your wedding last minute.

Ex alerted YOU to the clash a MONTH ago, and you've dug your heels in.

Why are you feeling bad about it 3 days beforehand?

Alanna1 · 12/03/2015 20:03

I am amazed at the number of people here who think mother's day is such a big deal! Seriously a wedding is more important. Plus I think mother's day is usually around the 22nd, it's early this year probably because of Easter. Just choose a different day for mother's day!!

Original poster
crabappling · 12/03/2015 20:04

Heyduggee. Its not her access day officially.

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 12/03/2015 20:08

Except Mother's Day is a big deal to the ex, Alanna - the OP has said she always has the kids on Mother's Day. It doesn't matter if it isn't a big deal to you or me or anyone here, if it is and always has been a big deal to her. If it is her access day then the OP and her partner need to negotiate how that day will be shared out so that the kids can spend time with both.

And Mother's Day wasn't invented by hallmark (even if it's been exploited by them). Mothering Sunday has been a thing for ages.

balia · 12/03/2015 20:09

Could they come to the wedding and be dropped off with the ex in the evening?

I'd not budge, personally - have a wonderful wedding.

DH and I had to deal with this level of spite on our wedding day - luckily as we knew what his ex was like we told her the ceremony was actually 4 hours earlier than it was - and sure enough, she denied contact until she was certain it would all be over and then created about DSS being picked up right then (hoping to spoil the after-ceremony celebrations). So he made it just in time to walk with his Dad up the aisle.

Didn't stop her taking a razor blade to his little suit the day after and returning it to us in strips, but that's another story!

CarlaVeloso · 12/03/2015 20:11

When did you book the wedding?
When did you tell the children's mother the date?
Is she really asking you to postpone it with three days to go? Grin

Hissy · 12/03/2015 20:13

Sorry op, misread :)

Hulababy · 12/03/2015 20:14

Mother's Day as a day to celebrate and spend time with MOTHERS (rather than a mother church) pre-dates the Hallmark company by several years. Hallmark did not invent Mother's Day. Yes, these days it is much more commercial but it is incorrect to say that it is simply a Hallmark occasion. Even when it was a date to return to mother churches - it was also a day to spend doing that with your mother and often other family members.

atticusclaw · 12/03/2015 20:19

If its not even her access day then she really needs to get over herself. I'm struggling to believe this is about bloody mothers day. Do real life people really get wound up over mothers day? Surely its just a day when , if your lucky your DCs make you a card and say happy mothers day and then it carries on like any other Confused.

I really can't be doing with people who get wound up because "you should be treating me like I'm special! Its my day ".

KeepsTrying · 12/03/2015 20:22

YANBU
Ex is being ridiculously inflexible!
I'm away this weekend with my D of E group - didn't even think about it being mother's day when it was arranged, either for myself, my DC or the participants. No one has commented on it let alone complained.

trixymalixy · 12/03/2015 20:22

YANBU, totally unreasonable of the ex to even consider asking you to rearrange your wedding.

wannaBe · 12/03/2015 20:24

" in years to come, she (and the DCs) will still remember that the father of her DCs chose to marry another woman on Mother's Day." presumably only if they are made to remember it by the ex, which sounds likely. But even then it'll be about her not them...

It's just a day. I would think that anyone who kept the whole day sacred and didn't go to someone's wedding because it was mother's day was frankly barking.

It would never occur to me to check that it wasn't mother's day when booking a wedding, the only time it would occur to me to do things differently would be valentines but not because of all the romantics out there but because it would probably cost twice as much. Grin

Op tell her she'll have the kids next weekend as per usual. How much access does she have btw? Frankly if she walked out on her kids to the point they live with their dad and not her she's lost the moral high ground anyway when it comes to shouting about having a day just for her. And yes, I would say the same about a man who did the same....

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 12/03/2015 20:28

Another one here who wouldn't have thought twice about booking my wedding on Mother's Day, even if id have noticed!

Raahh · 12/03/2015 20:42

OP next year, and for many years, (and it may not even happen again in your lifetime- a few years back, Easter was the earliest it had been for 100 years, which means MD would have been the same),- the 15th of March will be your Wedding Anniversary. Not Mother's day, not a weekend, or even a Sunday.

The kerfuffle of this year will hopefully be forgotten. (Until your anniversary falls on Easter weekend, and you might want to go away alone, and the ex doesn't want the dcs .... Wink).

I had a family bereavement on Easter Sunday a few years back. But the 'anniversary' of that is it's own date- as Easter is different every year.

Congratulations on your wedding.

Thanks
Tutt · 12/03/2015 20:45

Leaving your husband/marriage and demanding Mothers Day is ok, leaving your husband and children and demanding Mothers Day is taking the p*.
Huge deal for her I bet, relieves the guilt maybe?

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