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Original poster

wedding clashes with mothers day

202 replies

crabappling · 12/03/2015 12:46

I've booked wedding with new partner. Its this sunday. He has just told me his ex says she wants to see dcs as its mothers day. I had no idea that it clashes with mothers day until last month when she brought it up. Its still not resolved. Ex normally sees her dcs on mothers day. She has asked us to rearrange wedding. I think oh's ex is being unreasonable and we have offered her another day to have dcs as we want them to be at wedding.

I don't know who is being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Cantdecideondinner · 12/03/2015 14:41

She's bring ridiculous and needs to get over herself.

BatteryPoweredHen · 12/03/2015 14:51

I have no idea what i did last mothers day, or the one before or the one before!

Had you received a new mum* on that day, it would rather have stuck in your mind.

  • As DCs would see it
TwinkieTwinkle · 12/03/2015 14:58

Oh for goodness sake! A child wouldn't even know it was Mother's Day unless someone makes a big thing of it! And even if they do, I highly doubt they are forever going to remember it as the day they got a new mum. Some people need to get a grip. This woman walked out on her family, she has no right to try and call the shots over OP's wedding. She sounds petty and vindictive, personally I wouldn't even give her the time of day over this.

catsmother · 12/03/2015 15:01

Errmmm .... where has there been any suggestion on this thread that the DCs will apparently see Crab as their 'new mum', let alone think long and hard about getting a 'new mum' on Mother's Day ? Confused

OP says they really want to go to the wedding which is a lovely indication that they've accepted her into their lives and family. But I'm sure they know who their actual mother is.

You are overthinking this (in that respect).

PurpleCrazyHorse · 12/03/2015 15:04

It's your weekend for access. If she wants to have the kids on Mother's Day, then she needs to propose a swap of weekends in good time. She can't just expect you to give up your weekend with the children because she wants to see them then, it's not how it works.

I think it's probably about time to get things formally agreed (if not already) and work to those details only, especially if ex is going to be unreasonable and not up for compromising. The next thing will be her birthday, bank holidays etc.

Obviously it's hard for her as you're step mum to her children, but she doesn't get first dibs on all the 'special' dates during the year.

allmycats · 12/03/2015 15:06

Why don't you and your partner take the opportunity to show how reasonable and understanding you are and invite the ex to the wedding, thereby she can see her kids on mothers day. No matter how much of a bitch she is you will gain the moral high ground and it will proove how much she really wants to see her kids. If she kicks off she will really show her self up.

Tutt · 12/03/2015 15:15

Battery do not assume you know what these children will think, the OP has already said the children are excited and she knows them you don't so grow up and stop being horrid, it is your opinion and just because you are allowed a say and an opinion doesn't mean you should try and shove it down OP throat for what ever motive is driving you!

BatteryPoweredHen · 12/03/2015 15:35

so grow up and stop being horrid

I'm nearly crying with laughter at this. Are you for real?

I now have a wonderful mental picture of you stamping your foot and pouting Smile

SoonToBeMrsB · 12/03/2015 15:39

The ex sounds absolutely bonkers! It would never occur to me to check when fake holidays like mother's day were when booking my wedding. She is being completely unreasonable, please don't play into her hands and just focus on enjoying your wedding.

squoosh · 12/03/2015 15:40

Annual events like Mothers Day and (adults) birthdays are moveable feasts as far as I'm concerned.

Weddings not so much.

She's being totally unreasonable.

Tutt · 12/03/2015 15:45

I am for real, very real and you are very rude and quite unpleasant. Why would I be stomping my foot and pouting, I made an observation and called you on what I 'see'??
I honestly think you should look at why you are coming back time and again to make the OP feel awful. Just what is your motive Battery? Because what ever is going on for you isn't just about this thread!

keepsmiling2015 · 12/03/2015 16:10

It's your wedding day on Sunday? How can you rearrange. She is being so unreasonable. I mean seriously she's got issues.

HubertCumberdale · 12/03/2015 16:13

When you told the DCs about your wedding and told them the date, did they respond by wailing 'Oh but wait, that's mother's day!'? No. Because they couldn't care less, and neither should they.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 12/03/2015 16:19

part of her that feels a bit miffed about your marriage anyway - to 'take' her DCs away on Mother's Day kind of comes across as just rubbing it in.

no matter what the circs of the marriage break up I am afraid this is rather a faux paux..and she is the mother of the children who are watching their new mother become formal..really thoughtless.

If we had a tricky ex in the back ground I would never have booked a day that would give her cause to be upset and therefore cause problems. If i wanted the children there then making sure it was a good day to get married would have topped the agenda.

It was thoughtless on your and your DP part and you need to accept this and work round it. Yes it would be right to have the children there, but its also cruel to her.

Original poster
crabappling · 12/03/2015 16:28

I agree it was thoughtless, but cruel?!

Wow!

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 12/03/2015 16:40

I rhink shes one of these exes that if you give an inch she will take a mile.If the access is court ordered i think now is the time to do it to the letter.Shes taking the piss big time.And if its not gone to court before now,i think nows the time.She left the kids she doesnt get to dictate now how things run.

slithytove · 12/03/2015 16:49

How old are kids and when was the wedding booked?

Is there any room in the schedule for the children to do both?

Despite all the negatives about the ex, I do feel a bit sorry for her. I'd be sad to not see my kids on Mother's Day, let alone for that day to be about them welcoming their step mother into the family. Which rightly or wrongly could well be how she feels.

It's a pity too that you now have to focus on this in the run up to your wedding.

Ludways · 12/03/2015 16:50

Wedding trumps Mother's Day.

MirandaWest · 12/03/2015 17:07

When was the wedding booked? I think the ex is being a bit precious tbh but if it has been arranged at short notice she might not have realised possibly?

In previous years what has happened on mothers Day?

XH is getting married in July - luckily he mentioned the date to me a few weeks ago as it clashed with when I will be on holiday with the DC. Luckily I was able to rearrange the holiday. I do think he should have checked his own children could be there before booking it. So when you booked the wedding, did you check out of courtesy with her that the children would be able to be there?

OTheHugeManatee · 12/03/2015 17:11

She's envious and trying to spoil your wedding. She may not be doing it consciously but given she abandoned her DC tithe only reason she could be suddenly waxing all precious moments mummy-ish is so as to try and cast a cloud over the wedding.

At best she is feeling sad and left out and is attention-seeking at the most inappropriate moment. At worst it's nasty and vindictive.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/03/2015 17:19

tbh you/dp should have checked date - does seem a tad mean having wedding on mothers day if you want the kids there, as i feel kids should spend mothers day with mums - esp if separated- they are at school so prob talked/made cards for their mums - most schools do

say your dp ex got married on fathers day, would dp be sad he didnt see them that day?

personally if short notice you cant expect your stepmum to be there if she made plans to go to venice

when did you book this wedding?

times depending, either ex can have kids overnight sat into sun am then dp pick up for your wedding

or have wedding and kids go to mum afterwards and stay overnight

SaucyJack · 12/03/2015 17:25

As it's been booked now, wedding trumps Mothers Day.

But I can't say I blame the ex- it does look suspiciously like you want to upstage her. Out of all the days to "randomly" pick.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 12/03/2015 17:26

Omg just keep the kids and take them to the wedding! If it's your weekend anyway what is she going to do?

MaxPepsi · 12/03/2015 17:28

It is not the Ex's access weekend.

It's surely up to her to check special dates to her in advance and re-arrange accordingly.

If she'd asked for access for mother's day and then been ignored in favour of the wedding that would be a nasty thing to do but that doesn't appear to be the case.

My diary does not list this Sunday as Mother's day so if I'd looked to book something in this weekend last month I wouldn't have had a clue.

asmallandnoisymonkey · 12/03/2015 17:28

It wasn't thoughtless at all. Mother's and Father's days are the biggest load of shite.

Tell her to sod right off and all of you have a wonderful day.