wedding clashes with mothers day

[crabappling]

I've booked wedding with new partner. Its this sunday. He has just told me his ex says she wants to see dcs as its mothers day. I had no idea that it clashes with mothers day until last month when she brought it up. Its still not resolved. Ex normally sees her dcs on mothers day. She has asked us to rearrange wedding. I think oh's ex is being unreasonable and we have offered her another day to have dcs as we want them to be at wedding.

I don't know who is being unreasonable.

I think if OP was to have this conversation in real life with someone the only unreasonable thing they could find is a woman wanting someone to rearrange her wedding because of Mother's Day! It's laughable, yet also sad someone is that invested in commercial claptrap.

Hmm, I can see both sides. Totally agree it is too late to change now and also that mothers day is a load of commercailised crap.

Do you have kids of your own OP? I just wonder whether she resents you because not only have you replaced her in the lives of her kids, but by having your wedding on mothers day you are preventing her seeing her DC then. Maybe in her mind, you even planned it that way, as a symbol of you somehow becomig their substitute mother? who knows what she thinks.

TBH I am surprised that you did not realise sooner, did you not get other people saying they have family commitments on that day? I'm also a bit shockedthat you went with a date your own mother could not attend.

I agree with Twinkie it is laughable.
It's a commercial celebration, I will be alone as my DS has arranged a weekend away with friends, my DH is away and I'm poorly not driving... do I care a fig that its Hallmark Day nope!!
Have a lovely wedding OP, the ex is being awful and nasty to her own children who are excited because she is a selfish/difficult/childish cowbag!

I really hope she gets over herself and does the right thing by her children and doesn't make them suffer.
Oh please do not send her flowers or you will feed the beast.

It's a whole day - is there not time to do both? What time is the wedding?

Gosh I thought id heard/read it all, then I read Battery's posts. Poor form to arrange a wedding for Mother's Day?! Says who? The ex's children can make her burnt toast, a cold cup of tea and give her a card on Saturday, surely?! It's just a day! I'm not a kill joy, I love celebrating birthdays/Christmas/anything else really but the ex is BVVVU (and I suspect just trying to be awkward and make this difficult).

Mothering Sunday is important for me and my children too, as it will be a huge deal at church this weekend. However, it falls on one of ex's weekends, so he is having them. No query from me. I will go to church alone and give thanks for my own mum.

If my ex were getting married on Sunday - I'd encourage my children to be there no matter what, even if I found the fact painful myself!

Its the afternoon. In the past ex has kept children to spite us. Again seen negatively by court. If we agree to split the day something awful will happen.

'did you not get other people saying they had family commitments on this day?'

Other people probably just decided to take their mums out for lunch the day before instead, when it would be half the price as they haven't got a special 'mother's day' menu on! Like every single person I know in RL would do.

Surely the fact that this woman does not have custody of her own children speaks volumes.

I didn't even know it was Mother's Day until two weeks ago when DP said he needed to go get me some flowers. We had to google it when he said he thought it was Mother's Day!

YADNBU! wedding trumps this. I get the feeling that she would not be flexible if you and your DP wanted to alter childcare arrangements for whatever reason?

How "new" is your Dp as if you have only been together a short time then this could be why she is a bit miffed and possibly trying to throw a spanner in the works. It may be hard for her accepting that her ex is moving on quite quickly.

Apologies if you have been together for some time but it just seems a bit odd to write new partner and that coupled with the fact that the wedding has been organised at short notice that makes me wonder.

but having said that a wedding does come before mothers day as mothers day has been commercialised to the point of stupidity.

Throwing it out there, you could of checked the date when you were booking! Ex might be a bit put out that her DC are getting a new step Mum for Mothers day. TBH I'd be a bit upset about it to. Sorry, but there are two sides...

any intelligent adult knows that celebrations can be moved. Birthday dinners don't have to be on birthdays and you are a sucker if you pay premium prices for a crowded lunch on mother's day or valentine's.

so just this once, ex can move the celebration to the next Sunday.

mother's day isn't on my radar and I still have my mother.

That is true. If we ask for any day she demands three days in lieu. Its very difficult. I understand this is not ideal. Life goes on. My ex has a new partner and family. I wish him well and don't feel put out by this. The kids are fine with the arrangement and through our own flexible arrangement see mum more than the courts ruled.

As for my own mum and wedding she's actually step mum. I see her as a mother. She really doesn't see importance of weddings and the like. I know it sounds odd or selfish but I accept her for the way she is. She's been there for me in other ways and bizarrely paid for reception. Since dad died she's kept herself to herself. I don't push it. She made dad really happy.

Ex might be a bit put out that her DC are getting a new step Mum for Mothers day. Yep.

We have been together three years.

The Ex is being ridiculous. This is your wedding. A one off life event. I am all for celebrating Mother's Day and would always see my mum if possible and acknowledge it with a card and pressie but I don't understand this all day present fest that some seem to expect. DW and I spend most of the day treating our own mums rather than sulking because we are not being treated like princesses ourselves!

And this

Other people probably just decided to take their mums out for lunch the day before instead, when it would be half the price as they haven't got a special 'mother's day' menu on! Like every single person I know in RL would do.

We are far from carmudgeonly Battery, we absolutely adore birthdays and all other celebrations and take great pleasure in marking them but I just hate all this "you HAVE to do this and that" about it.

I know. symbolism of new mum isn't nice. Feel like pants. That's why I posted.

" in years to come, she (and the DCs) will still remember that the father of her DCs chose to marry another woman on Mother's Day."

will they bollocks, I have no idea what i did last mothers day, or the one before or the one before!

(i have teenage DC)

Mothers day is a day when i cannot go out to lunch with my friends as all the bloody pubs have hiked their prices!

We have been together three years

Well that puts my theory down the swanny!!!
3 years is plenty enough time to accept a new relationship. It sounds like she is just being awkward for the sake of it then.
She cant seriously expect you to cancel so I guess you will have to come to some kind of compromise or refuse point blank to let her have the children. Its your weekend so you are not moving the goalposts. But am guessing she wont make it easy.

YANBU.

Mother's Day won't even coincide with your wedding anniversary for years so it's not as though every Mother's Day she'll get a reminder that she missed Mother's Day 2015 with her children.

She sounds high maintenance. You sound like you and your DP have allowed her to be.

Never understand why there's no flexibility to contact arrangements for some. When there is, it really does benefit the children hugely.

Anyway OP, a simple "sorry x, not intentional, but happening nonetheless. Would like you to be gracious about it but if not, that's your decision. Children want to come and therefore will do so".

Ex might be a bit put out that her DC are getting a new step Mum for Mothers day.

But it's this year ONLY - not like the date is fixed...

if she hasn't got residency, has she even got the OK from the DC father to take them out of the country? has anyone actually SEEN the venice tickets?

That's my mum going to venice

Battery
"I hate this whole joyless attitude and feel so sad at the frequency with which it appears on MN. Like birthdays not being permitted for adults - just so curmudgeonly."

The thing is, I grew up in a house where we have been held hostage to other people's expectations on these 'BIG DAYS'. Mother's Day is one of my mother's 'things' that has to be made perfect. I once had the temerity to graduate from college on Mother's Day. 20 years later she brought it up with me:"It was mother's day...but we were very proud." The fact that she wasn't the star of the day on that day (which was incidentially chosen by the college and not me!) stuck with her 20 years later. We also had the temerity to schedule our daughter's christening on US Mother's Day years later; huge, huge scene regarding when the day was going to 'stop' being my DCs day and start being hers.

OP do not enable your DH's ex. I have no patience with these people.

Incidentally she left ex and kids. No reason for her to feel bitter about remarriage

so she abandoned her children and is now crying about Mother's Day?
FFS crabby, tell her to do one, politely of course.