To ask how you'd deal with this?

[turquoiseamethyst]

I'm really surprised as DS (8) has been in trouble today. This has never happened before. He was really rude to the TA and then stroppy with his teacher when she reprimanded him. He lost his play as a result and I am completely supportive of this.

DS is normally LOVELY (I know, biased much) but honestly he is the nicest boy as a rule and his teacher did say how out of character it was.

I recently told my husband to leave so it doesn't take a genius to work out it's obviously really upset DS but at the same time I don't want him to think it's acceptable to be rude or unpleasant to people.

Any advice?

Thank you power, that does mean a lot!

It's all relative - I am sure for some kids it's no big deal but it's not my son, it just isn't.

My DC are adults now but I remember that there was always the odd time when I was dumbfounded by their behaviour. I can think of a couple of instances per child per childhood. I also remember that feeling of not knowing what the right thing to do is. My DC were extremely polite and well behaved 99 % of the time - it was that 1% that got me.

Hope you both have a better week next week.

Just a thought turquoiseamethyst, but you said you exH was overly strict and sometimes physical. Could your DS now be feeling 'safe' enough to act up iyswim? Whereas before perhaps he might have been frightened to?

Hope the break does you and DS good

I've thought about that, but I think if that was the case, he'd be acting up with me and not his teachers?

But if he's refusing to go to school he is acting up with you. His dad was very strict, leaving DS with little power or control. Maybe he is now testing your boundaries to see how much control he will have with you.
Giving in to him not wanting to go to school could mean that you are giving DS too much power when right now he needs to feel safe and that mummy is in charge now. Just a thought. What do you think OP?

No, he isn't refusing as in crossing his arms and saying NO charley.

He was sitting up in bed covered in pee shaking and saying 'I cant, I can't, don't make me because I can't mum, please.'

I don't think I'll be calling super nanny out.

Turquoise, you know is best here. You're doing the right thing.

Just wanted to second Maude. You're doing the right thing

A child in that amount of distress needs, care, love and attention not more distress, harsh disciplinarian tactics and unfeeling action.

Take care, of yourself and your son. more .

Just occurred to me. Sending a child as in an obviously distressed and vulnerable state to school could easily make him a target for bullies, and once a child is target like that it can stick around for a long time. It would be out of the frying pan into the fire. Just break the cycle here. You know what is best for your son, give him some time to heal and some love, as you are already planning.

He will just be starting to process the trauma of an abusive father now he is feeling safer and can process it rather than just learn to live with it/bear it. By the way, shaking can be a sign of trauma being processed, it means that the trauma is being let go of. Peter Levine "Waking the Tiger: Healing from Trauma" is good on this. The medical world is starting to realise that if people shake a lot e.g. after coming out of a war zone/after a car crash it is a good thing, as those people are less likely to get PTSD. It's a natural body response, like shivering in cold, it's evolved to protect. So your son could, literally, be shaking of the effects of living with your ex. Let him heal.

Thank you

It's been horrible to see and watch.