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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day

367 replies

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:07

Its my first Mothers Day with my dd (after serious fertility issues, she was a long time coming) and I would like our lunch out to be just me my husband and our dd (we would visit pil and my mum later that day) My mil wants us all to go out together which would include
my pil and my mum. My husband thinks we should but I dont want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
hesterton · 10/03/2015 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 16:36

Crystal, worra did say that.

No I didn't say the OP isn't 'entitled to a mother's day just because her child is young'.

It's mother's day no matter what age her child is.

What I have repeatedly said, (despite the OP thinking it's a 'dumbass' opinion), is that her child is too young to show appreciation of her mother.

Therefore, I agree with the OP's DH that it would be best to go out for a meal with their actual mothers.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 16:37

Hesterton, DS is non verbal :(
Next year maybe!

slithytove · 10/03/2015 16:40

Op asked when am I entitled to a Mother's Day... When do I qualify for a Mother's Day worra

Worra replied When your child is old enough to appreciate what mother's day is all about

CrystalCove · 10/03/2015 16:41

As it stands, neither of us can celebrate with our mums

Neither can DH and I Slithy, wish we could to.

Slithytove · 10/03/2015 16:42

Also this

Op Dear god indeed. I didnt realise that as a mother you dont actually get to celebrate mothers day until your child can bring you breakfast in bed and a card!

worra I get that you didn't realise it now.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 16:44

Sorry crystal Thanks my nana passed on years ago and I know my mum would love to be with her. My mum and mil live fair distances from us (24 and 4 hours) so can't celebrate, but in fairness, we never did the whole lunch thing.

Champagne brunch used to be fun, but any excuse for that really!

Behindthepaintedgarden · 10/03/2015 16:56

'We should let the day pass unremarked. Shame'

A bit melodramatic. Do what you like on the day. Some of us feel that if you're in a position to be with your mother or send her a card or flowers then that is the real spirit of Mother's Day. If your mother is not nearby and you want to go out for a meal with the kids why wouldn't you. That's not really what we're talking about.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 10/03/2015 17:06

I agree behind

What is a shame is when bickering starts over which mum or mil to have lunch with. Does it matter? I thought the op's idea was a good one. Of having lunch with her Dh, herself and her dd then visiting her pil then her own mum. Thinking about it I can see it's also a good idea to have lunch altogether then all the mums are in one place at the same time. But that seems to cause a huge fuss as well.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 17:19

I am prone to melodrama Grin but come on, you can see that some posters think that those with babies shouldn't really be bothering.

Mum lives abroad, I did her card and snuck it into her suitcase in January so she would have it on the day, post isn't reliable and can't do flowers for the same reason.

I did the card thing cos it matters to me and her.

I don't want to go out, don't want anything other than what DS makes at nursery and a card, cos I keep cards, and my lie in! Cos 3 years of pregnancy and 2 years of parenting, and I'm knackered! And my quiet moment with DH remembering that very sad day when I became a mum for the first time.

With the op's mils scenario, the only issue I have with it is if I was a sibling of op wanting to celebrate with my own mum. Otherwise if all parties are happy, then great.

CrystalCove · 10/03/2015 17:23

Thanks Slithy. My Mum died 10 years ago, DHs is still alive but sadly due to mental health reasons doesn't talk to us or her Grandchildren, maybe one day things will be different.

CrystalCove · 10/03/2015 17:24

And I will be giving you a wee thought to on Mothers Day.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 17:25

Fair enough Slithy, I meant celebrate mother's day rather than be 'entitled' to one.

Her DD has (from the age of about 3yrs) the rest of her life to show appreciation to her mother, which is what mother's day is actually for...as I've repeatedly pointed out to the OP.

It's such a shame she seems to be the only one who is against all 3 mother's celebrating together.

ghostyslovesheep · 10/03/2015 17:29

don't all small children take their mums for granted ??

MD is a day for a bunch of daffs and a home made card - maybe some burnt toast in bed

when my kids are older if they wish to take me to lunch that would be nice - I send my mum a gift and card as she lives 200+ miles away

I don't see my kids until 6pm on MD as they are at their dads

I feel for the MIL - who probably though 'wouldn't it be nice to have all the mums together for a couple of hours' and is being painted as Satan

OP I do think you need to realise that MD is not a huge deal - it's just a day!

slithytove · 10/03/2015 17:30

But she has said everyone is happy so alls well that ends well perhaps. And who knows, maybe op's mum wasn't keen?

Thanks crystal, you too

slithytove · 10/03/2015 17:32

I think op's mil sounds perfectly fine and normal, made a suggestion and is fine with it not being taken up.

And as long as each mother gets appreciated on Sunday, I dont think the logistics are all that important.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 17:37

But she has said everyone is happy so alls well that ends well perhaps. And who knows, maybe op's mum wasn't keen?

Yeah I get she said everyone is happy, even though her DH thought they should eat lunch with their Mums, her Mil thought they should too and her DM didn't appear dead against the idea.

But at least the OP got her way.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 10/03/2015 17:37

The cards that the dc's make are the only ones I keep and are worth keeping Imo.

I don't want to go out either, everywhere will be rammed and expensive. It is just a day as has been said.

If you can't be happy with just receiving a card and perhaps a present and need a whole load of fuss then that's a bit sad.

Notso · 10/03/2015 17:51

I think given OP want to claim Christmas and (rightly IMO) DH's birthday celebration the she should compromise Mothers Day a bit more. I'd do the family lunch then have the walk with DH and DD or vice versa.

My Mum says to me every year "don't feel you have to include me, your a Mum too" but I wouldn't dream of not inviting her to join us and the same goes for MIL.
Without my Mum I wouldn't be here to be a Mum and without MIL I wouldn't have DH.

funkyfoam · 10/03/2015 18:22

I bet when OP gets to the restaurant for her just DH, baby and me meal every other table will be filled with several generations of mums and children. On the one occasion we deviated from our home cooked meal ,I don't think there was a table in the restaurant with less than 8 people on it. All the mums were given flowers and at each table there were at least two bunches. That to me and others is the true spirit of Mothers Day- a family of mums celebrating together (if possible of course)

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 18:26

I feel for the MIL - who probably though 'wouldn't it be nice to have all the mums together for a couple of hours'

Back on page 4 I said I too can totally understand why the Mil thinks its a nice thing to to do, except it wasnt nice for all those invited, ie the main person right now, the new mother who has other ideas.

Op has only ever suggested moving times.

Maddness that Mils request must by some be filled out to the last dot. No compromise.

Amummyatlast · 10/03/2015 18:28

Johncusackswife, I certainly don't think infertility makes me special. If it does, I'd happily be fucking unspecial.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 18:29

even though her DH thought they should eat lunch with their

Perhaps her dh had simply not thought about his wife would feel about it.

If my dh had said I really feel I just want a few hours without the rest on fathers day, I would totally understand and support him. But I wouldnt realise this until he mentioned it.

AlPacinosHooHaa · 10/03/2015 18:30

Some people are incredibly selfish and never ever think of others, nothing about op , or her mil suggests this, I dont know why posters have been so nasty

Amummyatlast · 10/03/2015 18:31

Am I the only one who, as an adult, has never spent a Mother's Day with my mother or MIL? (They are both alive.) I see it as a thing for children (including babies), not grown women who should be happy with a card and a phone call.

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