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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mothers Day

367 replies

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 09/03/2015 16:07

Its my first Mothers Day with my dd (after serious fertility issues, she was a long time coming) and I would like our lunch out to be just me my husband and our dd (we would visit pil and my mum later that day) My mil wants us all to go out together which would include
my pil and my mum. My husband thinks we should but I dont want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:39

Yes it is iced and I apologise I wasn't clear enough, however I believe my subsequent posts have cleared that up.

pictish · 10/03/2015 15:39

And that isn't specifically to OP, but to the posters fighting tooth and nail on this thread for the right to establish themselves as number one 'mummy' over the older generation and specifically mils. You are not his mother and he is not obliged to you on Mother's Day...he has his actual mother to worry about for once.

Agree with Worra, painted garden and icedgem entirely.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:40

If I ignored fathers day DH would be gutted.

He isn't my dad but I still recognise how amazing it is that he has children to be a father too and how great he is at that.

I am capable of doing this AND appreciating my own dad

SoupDragon · 10/03/2015 15:41

Im far from getting 'stroppy'

You certainly got stroppy with my innocent remark.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:42

I feel quite stroppy.

Why make someone feel bad for wanting to celebrate mothers day if they have just had a baby? Why do they have to wait?

Do they still have to wait if there is no mil/mum in the picture?

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 15:43

Thing is OP even if you did go for family meal you would still be celebrating your first mothers day so I don't understand the problem. If MIL and your mum and there it shouldn't make the day any less special for you.

pictish · 10/03/2015 15:44

Would he Slithy? Mine wouldn't give a toot, because he isn't so vacuous as to measure the strength of my love on manufactured Hallmark occasions. And of course, he doesn't see it as my responsibility anyway, because he's an adult, a dad, and has a father of his own.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:44

I don't think ive seen anyone fighting to be "number one mummy" at all!

Care to post evidence Pictish?

Behindthepaintedgarden · 10/03/2015 15:44

Sorry OP but your tone is a bit difficult to take. Posters who disagree with you are discommoded MILs or posters not giving 'sensible' advice.
You say you have not slagged off your MIL, yet in one of your first posts you make reference to various other family events where you don't like her suggestions and indicate that there is going to be trouble ahead.

You keep 'telling' us one thing, but 'showing' us something else, in my view.

You don't appear to have much interest in anyone else's views, so I am not sure why you sought them in the first place.

Please do whatever you wish on Mother's Day, I've wasted enough time on here and have quite frankly lost interest.

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 15:46

But the Op wouldn't be waiting she still would be celebrating just alongside others thats all.

I appreciate your DH would be gutted if you didnt do fathers day for him and thats fine if it works for you. I dont personally understand it but thats fine also. Whats wrong for me is right for you and so on.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:46

It's nothing do with the strength of my love.

It's a day for each of us where we think about the journey we have been on, recognise (because the outside world doesn't) that we are each a mother/father to three children, not two, that we remember what being a parent actually means.

Stuff which can get swallowed up in day to day life.

It matters to us and what others do shouldnt mean they can criticise that.

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:47

Not liking someones suggestions isn't slagging them off.

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 15:47

Believe me souodragon that was not me getting stroppy!
Pictish what a twatish thing to say, wait my turn. What a load of bollocks. So when my dd is a mother herself and wants to do her own thing on her mothers day I will be sure to remind her that no dear its not what you want its all about me now.
'he has his actual mother to worry about for once' theres no 'once about it, he sees her regularly.
Soupdragon- I am now getting stroppy just so you are clear.

OP posts:
Slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:48

Iced, I am not talking about op waiting on the day, I am referencing posters saying she should wait until dd comprehends it or is 3/4 and makes cards etc.

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 15:49

Op can i ask why does it make it less special for you if your MIL and own mum would be celebrating with you? Just curious.

pictish · 10/03/2015 15:50

OP I've told you more than once that my posts are not directed at you but the group on this thread as a whole. If you choose to take personal offence anyway, that's your lookout.

CrystalCove · 10/03/2015 15:51

I don't get the feeling OP has general difficulties in her relationship with her MIL - but there are a lot of posters here who probably do and whose views are influenced by that!

slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:55

See I get on fine with my mil and mum, both who are normal people.

Therefore neither would have an a issue with doing afternoon tea or dinner instead of lunch. Neither would think of inviting each other either, but they have only met a handful of times.

I wouldn't go out to lunch in the first place though.

And I would rather DH went to his mum and I went to mine, if there was to be some celebration.

We are all different!

Original poster
ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed · 10/03/2015 15:56

Behindthegarden- yes sensible posts and there have been many but some clearly dumbass posts implying I shouldnt be interested or be entitled to a mothers day as my child is still a baby. Bonkers! It is also very hurtful to imply this when people have lost their children. Its heartless and uncalled for.
Anyway, as I said, we have made our plans for Sunday and everyone is happy with the arrangements.

OP posts:
slithytove · 10/03/2015 15:58

I remember when we were little, I was 6 and siblings were 3 and 4, choosing stuff with my dad for Mother's Day.

We gave it to her over breakfast in bed. It was 2 huge multipacks of Lego.

She got the day to herself and my dad watched us. (He was doing an Mba at the time so weekends largely fell to my mum)

She still remembers it :) thanks to my dad. No harm in spouses showing appreciation for the hard work their partners put in being a parent if that's what they want to do.

icedgem30 · 10/03/2015 15:59

Now that we are. My mum and dad and DPs mum are very close friends. It does make life easier in that respect because we all just meet up and eat together for special ocassions.

I love my mum and my DPs mum. Its a special day for the OP and whilst its not personally for me I can see that. I just cannot see how her own mum and MIL celebrating alongside her would make it any less special or any less of an occassion.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2015 16:03

See I get on fine with my mil and mum, both who are normal people

I think the OP's MIL sounds entirely normal to suggest a family meal with all 3 mothers there.

It seems like the simplest of suggestions to me.

OP what is 'dumbass' about thinking that as mother's day is a day to show appreciation of your mother, you baby is simply too young to do it yet?

hesterton · 10/03/2015 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JohnCusacksWife · 10/03/2015 16:05

johnCusackswife, read the thread. For those of us who doubted that we would ever have a child, it's a huge deal (especially the first one). While for some it might just be the day you get a card, for others it's an affirmation that we finally got what we longed for.

Amummyatlast, I have the read the thread, thanks. You know nothing about me, my fertility or my family so it's probably best not make assumptions. You make infertility sound like some club that makes some mums more special than others.

pictish · 10/03/2015 16:05

Good post Hesterton. I concur.