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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend's children should go to church?

491 replies

ClassicTron · 09/03/2015 11:30

Church is very important to my friend she is employed by them and does loads of voluntary stuff on top. There's not much she would prioritise over being in church on a Sunday morning.

Her Dc are now teens but haven't been to church since they were around 7/8. They didn't want to and although she would have liked them to keep going occasionally, she said it was their choice. Her DH is not a church goer.

Most of the time she's fine with this but there are certain occasions when she would badly like them to be there. Her birthday, Christmas.... and Mother's Day.

The church makes a big fuss of mother's day and she runs several children's groups so is very much one of the organisers for this. She has never managed to persuade her children to participate and has told me that she won't be going to church next Sunday because it makes her so sad when everyone else is being given flowers (provided by the church) by their children and hers aren't there. Another child will always present her with flowers, so she's not without but she is very upset by her own children not being there.

AIBU to think that for this day only, her DH should put his foot down and tell his sons they need to go because it will make their mum happy?

OP posts:
theendoftheendoftheend · 13/03/2015 14:44

I think any teen that can't put themselves out slightly for a parent is a tad lame. And in my opinion asking them to go to a church service is no different to asking them to go play bridge. People seem to think some crazy shit goes on during church services on a Sunday morning, it doesn't. The worse it is is dull.

CaffeLatteIceCream · 13/03/2015 14:46

Erm...do you know what a "free thinker is"?

Someone who thinks independently of authority and dogma.

Faith IS authority and dogma.

How you can decide they are compatible is beyond me.

And again....the overwhelming evidence that PROVES that the prime factor on determining faith is parental influence is not disputed by Alpha courses and your mates.

CaffeLatteIceCream · 13/03/2015 14:48

Going to a church service is no different from asking them to play bridge

FFS. It's massively different. I am dumbfounded that this has to be pointed out.

And I think most of us do know that (most) church services are dull rather than "crazy". I, for one, endured enough of them growing up.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 14:51

Faith IS authority and dogma

I am meaning to leave it but it is not my definition at all. I would say that you are muddling faith with organised religion. Many people have a faith and never take part in any organised religion.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 14:53

I take it you know lots of families where the grandparents, parents and children worship together. I don't.

theendoftheendoftheend · 13/03/2015 14:56

No it isn't! What's your problem with church? Its just a place where people congregate, sing, talk, pray. So what? Unless it's a cult an hour of it, or even 3 hours a year as per op, really isn't going to do you any harm.
Faith isn't authority and dogma, religion is. People can choose to have faith in anything they please and make it up to suit themselves. Subscribing to religion is not the same thing.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 14:58

It will do harm if you don't want to be there!

theendoftheendoftheend · 13/03/2015 15:00

How exactly?

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 15:04

Set up resentment. Either you rebel or you quietly seethe.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 15:06

It is far more likely to sour relationships with your parents. I could have forced mine to go when little-but what would have been the point? Hardly going to make them want to go when I can't force them any longer.

CaffeLatteIceCream · 13/03/2015 15:14

What are you on about?

We are talking about religious faith. And religious faith means believing without - and in even in the face of contrary - evidence. It accepts authority absolutely, and accepts the dogma laid down by the church.

And church is not just a place where people congregate and sing songs. It is a place to worship and sing songs TO an imaginary ruler of the universe who - in the case of Christianity - hates gays and is all for slavery.

How lovely that in your world it's all about doddery vicars and fascinating sermons. It's not the case for everyone and given the horrific blight religion is on this planet, it's disgraceful to suggest that paying lip service to it is no different from having to play bridge.

If you like going with your mum, good for you. That's YOU. Stop trying to think for others.

Muskey · 13/03/2015 15:22

Your thoughtfulness for your friend is commendable but as op say it a personal thing for her and her dc

HairyHandedFucker · 13/03/2015 15:38

Mehit, those alpha courses are awash with people who have something missing in their life, have problems, issues, need an escape from reality.

I am an atheist, I will happily tell my DC about godS - yes, godS plural - because your god is no more important or different than all the other gods all the people since time began made up and believed in (and eventually consigned to myth - yours will go this way too, and soon), and I fully expect my DC to determine that all are as much a crock of shit as the others.

Where the hell is the OP anyway!

CaffeLatte, loving your work!

theendoftheendoftheend · 13/03/2015 15:47

caffe why don't you stop trying to apply your free thinking as the only 'right' way to think. Religious wars are a great line to roll out but of little relevance to the op. Do you know what happens if you go to a church service as a non believing heathen? Fuck all. You don't get run out, converted, become homophobic, burst into flames or even get struck down by lightening. You are massively over reacting.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 15:55

We are talking about religious faith. And religious faith means believing without - and in even in the face of contrary - evidence. It accepts authority absolutely, and accepts the dogma laid down by the church.

No wonder you don't have any! I certainly wouldn't if I thought that faith was to do with organised religion!

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 15:57

caffe why don't you stop trying to apply your free thinking as the only 'right' way to think

This is always the problem-no understanding that free thinking means that you have the same evidence (or lack of it) and quite different interpretations.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 15:58

Mehit, those alpha courses are awash with people who have something missing in their life, have problems, issues, need an escape from reality

Silly me! And I thought it was those just seeking deeper meaning beyond the material things in life.

AgathaF · 13/03/2015 16:11

Mehit you don't need to believe in a god to have deeper meaning beyond the material things in life. How sad that you think otherwise.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 16:13

Of course you don't-where on earth did I say that? Confused
Apha courses are one way of looking for it-not the only way.

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 16:14

I should think there are dozens of ways.

cingolimama · 13/03/2015 16:57

Caffee faith (and yes I mean religious faith) is NOT all about authority and dogma. Many many people identify themselves as having faith (Muslim, Buddhist, Christian etc) without having a lobotomy. Myself included.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 13/03/2015 17:37

It is my turn to organise this Sunday's service and I've avoided the posy moment as it causes problems for those who are not mothers, want to be mothers, had bad relationships with their mothers or are grieving the recent death of a mother. Eighteen pages on MN shows I was probably right to make that decision.

As someone who is a minister I don't recognise the picture of the church painted by some on here. The idea that Christians accept the dogma laid down by the church is laughable. My non conformist ministerial friends tell me that if you put 5 of them in a room you will get at least 6 opinions on doctrine.

If you google Inclusive Church or Accepting Evangelicals then you will find that not all Christians are anti gay. It was a Christian, William Wilberforce who headed up the anti slavery movement in this country.

tomandizzymum · 13/03/2015 18:00

Do you know what happens if you go to a church service as a non believing heathen? Fuck all. You don't get run out, converted, become homophobic, burst into flames or even get struck down by lightening.

Sad It doesn't? Well there goes my plans for an exciting weekend!

Andrewofgg · 13/03/2015 18:12

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts You can tell us: would you rather have x people there who all want to be there or x + 2, the two being teenagers dragged there by a mother who has told them she will be unhappy if they don't come and who otherwise would not be there?

Mehitabel6 · 13/03/2015 18:28

In my opinion so called 'free thinkers' who state that people who go to church are praying to a 'fictional character' very narrow minded. Problems are caused when people assume they are 'right' and any opposition is 'wrong'.
Free thinkers are exactly that-which is why some scientists have a faith.

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