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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

164 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:38

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

OP posts:
PandorasToyBox · 06/03/2015 18:41

Yanbu, you had a serious health concern, imho he should be with you Sad

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 18:42

No YANBU.

You have had a life threatening event and will need 6 months of intensive treatment.

What are you taking in terms of tablets? If you are being sick and not keeping them down, you need to get back to hospital urgently for alternative treatment in the form of injections.

Your partner is being a complete arse.

bakingtins · 06/03/2015 18:42

No YANBU. He is showing you his priorities and you deserve to be top. Get rid well soon. Flowers

theendoftheendoftheend · 06/03/2015 18:42

Yanbu. If this is a serious relationship that you were hoping had a future, I think I'd be quite concerned tbh, especially about the second part re can't pop in as a bike ride takes priority

AnnSmiley · 06/03/2015 18:42

I was going to say you are being a teeny bit U as you hadn't asked him to stay in, and sometimes yes it's a bit of jealousy that can make you feel like this.

But the fact that you text him saying you need some TLC and he says he hasn't got time? Not on.

Hope you're feeling a bit better soon

Namechanged101 · 06/03/2015 18:43

Agree he's an arse I'm sorry. Hope you recover quickly x

Branleuse · 06/03/2015 18:44

dump him. Shit hits fan, he goes out on piss.
Can you even imagine doing the same if it was the other way round?

Buxtonstill · 06/03/2015 18:44

Sorry to hear you have been through the wars. You have been seeing each other for around 8 months. Yes, I think he deserves a night out with his mates, as you say he has been very good this week, fetching clothes, visiting etc.
Understand you are fed up at not going out, but you can't project that onto him so he feels guilty at enjoying himself.

Bluetone · 06/03/2015 18:45

I don't think it's much to ask for him to stay in with you tonight.

I think when you're unwell and especially with something so serious you just want to be looked after a bit.

I hope you're on the mend soon. It sounds nasty. Does he think your dad's still with you maybe?

Babyroobs · 06/03/2015 18:46

Sounds like you've had an awful time, I'm shocked that he hasn't stayed with you, does he realise how seriusly ill you have been? Hope you feel better soon.

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 18:46

Oh hun, hope you're ok.Flowers

UANBU! it's times like these you realise who your friends are, and who cares I'm afraid hun.

If he's got time for a bike ride, he's got time to pop round and check if you're ok.

Could you ask a friend to come round for a girlie night? If you're being sick so much hun, I'd also ring the hospital for advice. They're tablets they can give you to stop the nausea.

vanillavelvet · 06/03/2015 18:47

Hmmm, he HAS to fit in a bike ride? Sounds like my H - unfortunately I've only really found out what his priorities are after 10 years of marriage. Wish I'd found out before I married him.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:47

3littlefrogs- its Rivaroxaban- it was alright for the first day but not agreeeing at all at the moment- trying hard to hold off being sick for as long as possible in the hope I'm ingesting it.

The bike-ride thing: he is a stickler for routines and finds it hard to deviate, I know in his mind he's said he's doing a bike ride, therefore it must be done!

OP posts:
RhiannonElward · 06/03/2015 18:47

I also felt like maybe a little U until the bike ride part. That way beyond unreasonable. You asked for support and he turned you down, that's mean. I get that he's been good all week, but this hasn't gone away yet and he needs to support you for as long as you need it, not for as long as he can hold off on bike rides and beer.

CoffeeBeanie · 06/03/2015 18:48

Oh no, OP, what a nasty shock! Of course he should be with you.

Are you on Clexane and Warfarin? Being monitored?

Had a PE 6 years ago, it is a shock to the system, you need TLC and comfort. He's either not realised how serious this was, or doesn't care Sad

Flowers and some Brew and a speedy recovery to you.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 18:48

TBH - if my DH or any of my friends had had a PE I wouldn't leave their side - not even to go to the shops.
No way would I allow them to be alone so soon after the event.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 06/03/2015 18:49

Get well soon
Dump him, unless youre not looking for a commitment.

Salemthecat · 06/03/2015 18:49

I was going to say YWBU until I saw that you text him and he put his bike ride first.

I would be upset at that too. Maybe have a chat next time you see him and explain how feel and see his reaction? It might be that he doesn't know you're upset. Although, that raises the issue of do you want to be with someone who doesn't put you above a cycle?

I hope you feel better soon.

JeanSeberg · 06/03/2015 18:49

Will he be spending the rest of the weekend with you?

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 18:50

I thought it would probably be rivaroxaban. It is a great drug, but not if you vomit. If you even suspect you may have vomited some you must get injections pronto. The first month after a PE is a dangerous time and having the full dose of treatment is vital.

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 18:51

Please ring the hospital hun if you're being sick all of the time xx

WinstonTheBasset · 06/03/2015 18:51

YANBU. I'm sure you would have been by his side if the roles were reversed. Hope you get better soon.

mommy2ash · 06/03/2015 18:51

he has been good all week and it a close friends birthday. it wouldn't bother me to be honest. he is entitled to time to himself as well. i do hope you feel better though

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 18:52

Were you on the pill OP?

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 06/03/2015 18:55

I was thinking he might just be a little immature and not really thinking about the severity of the situation, until you got to the hugs and lucozade bit. If he can't spare twenty minutes to pop round well then, Maya Angelou said it best
"When people show you who they are, believe them."

Now I don't think a one time idiocy says everything about a person, but if you have seen this before then your BF is telling you who he is and what to expect during rough times.