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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

164 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:38

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

OP posts:
Dr0pThePirate · 06/03/2015 19:24

Do you feel resentful OP?

I would if my DP did this to me. The question is how do you deal with feeling resentment toward him. You can forgive and forget until next time or you tell him how you feel.

I think his reaction to being told that he's let you down will speak volumes.

MrFMercury · 06/03/2015 19:25

In the nicest possible way, stop thinking about him and ring the hospital. If you are being sick you aren't absorbing your meds properly and putting off the anti-coagulant considering what's made you ill sounds dangerous. X

StaceyAndTracey · 06/03/2015 19:25

Did you ring the hospital ?

SylvaniansAtEase · 06/03/2015 19:26

It wasn't the night out as such, it was the not being concerned enough to skip a bike-ride, even when I asked. (And actually he could have probably still done that, just been twenty minutes late for the birthday drinks)

ABSOLUTELY.

Your instincts are spot on here. You know that, don't you? You're there thinking what you'd do if the roles were reversed. Would you be able to go out on a night out, merrily and without a care in the world, knowing he was at home, alone, newly and quite scarily drugged up, tired and a bit traumatised from hospital? No. You'd stay with him. You wouldn't want to go. And as for not even being prepared to miss a bike ride or be 20 mins late... well. Not good.

8-9 months of relationship is a dangerous time I think. It's not long enough to know someone really well - on the other hand, it FEELS like a long time - long enough to make excuses - 'Ooh, but he's not really like that...' - and long enough to feel there's enough time invested that 'working at it' makes sense. But, it's actually now, when you're getting comfy together, when the conscious efforts die down, that you really see what the other person is truly like.

I think you're getting a real wake up call here, OP. Don't fall into the trap of thinking it's just a one-off. It's the out of the ordinary times, the one -offs, which really show you the way someone thinks. And, how nice a person they really are.

JeanSeberg · 06/03/2015 19:26

I would have lined up someone else for support on release from hospital or asked your dad to stay on.

Will your boyfriend be spending the rest of the weekend with you?

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 19:27

He's three years older than me - 32.

Not resentful exactly but a bit shocked that I could have died and he's putting a bike ride over a request for a hug and lucozade.

I haven't responded to his text saying he didn't have time to see me yet.

OP posts:
PenguinTuxedo · 06/03/2015 19:29

Have you phoned the hospital yet OP?

PilchardPrincess · 06/03/2015 19:30

Even if he was some kind of super-routine red-hot keen biker person there's absolutely no reason whatsoever he can't be 20 mins late for a few pints. I mean, really, that's just rubbish.

I'm sorry.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2015 19:31

Agree with everyone,

  1. CALL THE WARD.
  1. Think about your relationship.

The first few years of DH and my relationship were full of bloody nightmares. Immigration, work stress, bereavement, moving countries. It separates the women from the girls. DH and I got through it. I might moan about him sometimes but when the shit hits the fan, he's wonderful.

Don't be here in two years telling us you are scrubbing the toilet ten minutes after a C-Section.

expatinscotland · 06/03/2015 19:31

You need to go into the hospital. And don't bother answering him. You need to care about you just now.

CaptainAnkles · 06/03/2015 19:31

It's not even like you've asked him to give up all of his plans and stay with you instead! But for him not even to be arsed enough to come and visit you for a little while... Selfish bollock.

Floralnomad · 06/03/2015 19:31

It just sounds like this relationship is a more serious thing to you than it is to him , sorry . Hope you are feeling better soon and if he is not going to be around to support you perhaps you could go and stay with family to convalesce .

Bakeoffcake · 06/03/2015 19:33

Yes please phone the hosp now- you can think about your relationship when you've sorted yourself out.

SylvaniansAtEase · 06/03/2015 19:34

Ahh just caught up on the middle bit of your thread.

CALL THE HOSPITAL.

Come on, you are clearly sensible and smart - this can wait - you have been seriously seriously ill - concentrate on that right now and call the ward.

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 19:35

Please please call the hospital

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 19:35

I rang the ward but they're busy and was told I'd be called back.

My Dad had to go, he's not in the best of health himself but I know if he thought I'd be alone he probably wouldn't have gone.

Boyfriend and I were due to go to his parent's this weekend but I have no idea if I'll be up to it but he would definitely still go. might ring a few friends and see if anyone can come and stay with me here. I have a flatmate but she's on holiday.

OP posts:
Dr0pThePirate · 06/03/2015 19:37

OP I think you need to call the hospital like others have said.

Ignore him. Don't respond to his text. If he gets back to you tell him you've been busy being really fucking ill and don't have time for him right now.

RandomMess · 06/03/2015 19:37

Hugs & Flowers

Listen to the others saying you need to seek hospital treatment again, urgently.

Ditch the arse when you have the time & head space.

expatinscotland · 06/03/2015 19:38

Not good enough! You need to get to A&E then. You cannot delay this and you need some ondansetron or other anti-sickness med so you can take the medication.

Don't do anything so foolish as to risk your health anymore for this bloke by going to his parents.

PE is life-threatening. You need to put you first now.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 19:46

Where are you? Which hospital?
I am just worried about you sitting about in A&E. The safety window is 2 hours with rivaroxaban - after that you are not anticoagulated.
Have you been sick, or do you think you could take the rivaroxaban and keep it down? Sparkling water can help to stave off sickness.

SnottyCowbag · 06/03/2015 19:47

YANBU but I think your text was a bit ambiguous . If you wanted him to stay with you I think you should have asked. i think there is a difference between wanting him there because you need him to help you and just wanting him there to keep you company.

Totality22 · 06/03/2015 19:48

I would have said let him have a night out if this is a preplanned birthday do and he has been otherwise supportive and caring. However when I read that he 'doesn't have the time' to pop you in some Lucozade it made me irrationally angry and I'm inclined to agree he is a selfish shit who isn't going mature enough to deal serious, life changing stuff (which isn't a crime. I'm sure the BF didn't envisage this turn of events) but its very unfair on the OP.

Hope you feel better soon x

SylvaniansAtEase · 06/03/2015 19:50

What 3littlefrogs says is really worrying, OP. Don't mess about. Call the ward back!

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 19:51

Bet he was happy for her to take the Pill that caused this so he could have sex without consequences though!

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 19:51

Agree with expat hun, go to A&E and get yourself sorted - as you could be waiting all night for the ward to call you back. Do you have anyone who can take you to the hospital?