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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

164 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:38

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 19:55

Actually I'd ring a&e and explain your situation, you'll probably get seen straight away when you get there, but I'd ring ahead anyway

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 19:56

Not trying to scare you btw, just think with you being sick you might become poorly again xx

AmyElliotDunne · 06/03/2015 20:00

I think it sounds like you should get to A & E, not wait around for a call back while you get progressively worse.

Forget your 'D'P for now, look after yourself and when he tries to contact you and can't because your phone is off in the hospital, perhaps he'll realise what a lowlife he's been letting you sort this out yourself.

Honesty, if this is what he's like when the chips are down you deserve better. His priorities suck.

When my dp has so much as a sniffle, I'm there with paracetamol, hot drinks and hugs, risking catching it (when he turns the tables and looks after me). XH was more like your fella, it was not good and actually one of the deciding factors in leaving him was realising that if I ever had a serious illness he would put himself and practicalities (like the cost of petrol/parking for hospital visits etc) before me.

Patatas · 06/03/2015 20:05

I had a PE probably due to the pill a few years ago, just wanted to offer my sympathy. I felt terrible emotionally and physically after leaving the hospital, much worse than when I was in, I really needed looking after.

Perhaps your boyfriend just doesn't realise how serious and how bad you are feeling, but pretty low to not come over despite you reaching out to him.

I hope you feel better soon Flowers

BadgersNadgers · 06/03/2015 20:13

I can only agree that you get a cab to A&E and send him a text to tell him he's a useless fucking bastard and you hope his wheels get bentbwhile you're waiting to be seen.

CoffeeBeanie · 06/03/2015 20:16

Agree with everyone, don't wait for them to ring you back.

Take the meds and if they don't stay down, go to A&E. Clexane can be given on top if it if Irc, I was on both until the Warfarin was on an ok level.

Whatever you do, don't do nothing. Whereabouts in London are you OP?
If you're near me I'll take you to A&E and supply the comforting words you need now.

lougle · 06/03/2015 20:22

This may be one of those situations where a 999 call is warranted. You are 1 hour into the 2 hour window for your anticoagulant and you can't keep it down. You are a wheelchair user and you shouldn't be wrestling with a wheelchair in and out of a taxi. You haven't got anyone who can take you to A&E fast enough to get this sorted. A GP won't be available soon enough either.

lougle · 06/03/2015 20:28

Actually, I think I've mixed up the threads a bit. You don't say you're a wheelchair user... sorry.

expatinscotland · 06/03/2015 20:34

Hope you are away at hospital or out of hours getting an injection and some anti-sickness meds. Please look after yourself and phone a friend to help.

Forget about this guy he is casual. Get rid.

Sandybananapants · 06/03/2015 20:38

Bless you, really hope that you feel better soon OP. Sounds as though you have been through the mill. No, I don't think that you are being unreasonable at all. You have been in hospital all week and v unwell.
Your boyfriend, despite being there all week, doesn't sound as though he's bring particularly supportive right now .
I agree with Salemthecat- have a chat to him and tell him how you are feeling.

In the meantime, like pp have said, if you are unwell, then phone the hospital . Do you have a friend close by that could come and sit with you at all? Rather than you being alone.

I really hope that you start to feel better soon.

wheresthebeach · 06/03/2015 20:41

Please take good care of yourself.

Don't ignore his behaviour. I'm really sorry but he's not up to standard!

Run away...or shuffle determinedly.

bigbluestars · 06/03/2015 20:46

I think it depends on how serious your relationship is.
You have only been dating a few months, don't live together, and he has been pretty good this weekend.

TBH he is not really responsible for you.

CoffeeBeanie · 06/03/2015 20:54

Responsible? This is about caring for someone who's had a massive shock, could have died. It only happened a few DAYS ago. He knew she could have died, she asked him to come, his bike ride was more important.

If OP had been going out a few weeks, ok, but this is a bit more serious, visiting parents etc. Sorry, I think he's behaving like a twat.

OP I hope you're at A&E and ok.
This will take time to heal, but it will.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 06/03/2015 21:03

Actually, in his shoes I would have gone to see the OP even if I'd only known her a few weeks. I can't imagine leaving someone who is so seriously ill to fend for themselves. In fact, I wouldn't do that to a relative stranger.

Hope you're on the way to A&E OP, they can help with the nausea and sickness.

Get well soon Flowers

JenniferGovernment · 06/03/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The80sweregreat · 06/03/2015 21:04

Flowers sorry your not well. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Your partner is just being selfish im afraid, but men do not think the same as women generally. I hope he makes it up to you this weekend. Take care

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 06/03/2015 21:23

Thinking about it - when I'd only known my now DH for about 6 weeks and before we became an item, I was taken ill with flu. When I didn't turn up to college he and another class member came round to see if I was okay. When they found out I wasn't they took it in turns to pop in and check on me, make sure I was warm, hydrated etc. Because, that's what decent people do for each other.

Jb291 · 06/03/2015 21:25

Hatters I hope you are at the hospital now, getting treatment for the dreadful vomiting,as the more you are being sick, the less you will be absorbing the anti coag medication.Honestly,they can probably give some anti emetics and make it easier to stay on the meds you need to avoid another clot. As for your partner,I am furious on your behalf that he could leave you on your own when you are feeling so poorly and vulnerable. Please do check back in and just reassure us that you are ok.

nocoolnamesleft · 06/03/2015 21:40

Really hope you've got some anticoagulant on board by now. A PE is not something to mess with. Worry about your health tonight. Worry about whether your DP is a selfish bastards tomorrow. Your health is worth a lot more than he is.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 21:55

Thank you for all the support. Got a taxi but I did phone a&e beforehand as a pp suggested and didn't have to hang around at all- am still being sick so had anti-coag by injection instead and then see if the nausea settles or try something else. I think they are going to keep me in tonight now. My friend says to call her if I need anything or if not she will come and see me first thing.

Will have a long hard think tonight about the boyfriend situation.

OP posts:
Bananasandchocolatecustard · 06/03/2015 21:57

Glad to hear you are being looked after properly. BF has shown his true colours.

grimbletart · 06/03/2015 22:00

Glad you're in a safe place now OP and hope you feel much better soon.

Re the boyfriend. Supposing the situation had been reversed and he was the one with a PE and feeling shite and scared. Would you have gone and left him?

No, thought not. So there's your answer about what to do about him. Flowers

Bakeoffcake · 06/03/2015 22:02

So pleased you're getting help. Thanks for letting is all know.

I wonder what your DP's reaction would be if you texted him and say where you are?

MakkaPakkastolemystone · 06/03/2015 22:05

OP. I'm glad you're safe in hospital. There's great advice I see a lot on here. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them. He's shown you that he's inflexible and incapable of caring for you as you would want ( and deserve). Get well (and single) soon.

NameChange30 · 06/03/2015 22:07

So glad to hear you're in hospital being looked after.
Sorry but I do think you need to ditch the boyfriend. If he was a keeper he would have been much more supportive.
Not just because of the bike ride, but also this: "I have no idea if I'll be up to it but he would definitely still go."
You're not a priority for him are you?
Sorry but at least you're finding out now and won't have to waste any more time with him.
Take care of yourself, get family and friends to check in regularly Flowers

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