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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

164 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:38

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

OP posts:
Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:56

He definitely knows my Dad has gone home.

I was on the pill yes, Zellette. I don't know if that caused it but was the only probable factor I guess.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/03/2015 18:57

Time to move on. It's really not too much to ask, and tbh, you shouldn't have to ask. When someone shows you who they are, listen to them.

CoffeeBeanie · 06/03/2015 18:57

I agree, if you have thrown up I'd ring the hospital - maybe the ward you were on - to make sure you are getting enough of the treatment dose.

My DH didn't leave my side for a long time. He took time off work. Ring a few friends and get them to stay with you, you should not be on your own. Not for medical reasons because on medication you are quite safe, but for psychological reasons.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 06/03/2015 18:57

..now if he said, "I'm worried about you being alone, but I really want to go to these birthday drinks, I wonder if (name of friend) would come and watch a movie with you...?" then that would be different, but you are asking him for twenty minutes of his time tops here.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 18:58

I am enraged on your behalf.
He is definitely an arse. Sad

expatinscotland · 06/03/2015 18:59

'Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc.'

How is this 'being good'? It shouldn't be seen as a favour, but something he wanted to do.

He's not mature enough for anything other than a casual relationship. You know that now. You have been given a new lease of life, use it to find someone more mature.

Paddingtonthebear · 06/03/2015 19:00

Yanbu. You shouldn't have to even ask him to come and check you're ok. Fine he's got a night out that was planned, but a bike ride is more of a priority than popping in to see you? That would piss me right off

Pancakeflipper · 06/03/2015 19:02

I was going to offer an excuse for him that maybe he's been seriously worried and shattered physically and emotionally looking after you, and night with friends might perk him up cos it's awful seeing someone you love ill.

But having read your posts, ummm either he's not that into you or a stickler for routine so much so it's an issue for him and also for you.

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 19:03

Im so sorry to hear you have been ill OP. He is being selfish You only asked him to spare 20 mins FFS

Ive recently just stopped taking the very same Pill. I was on it for 3 months last year and was fine.

Started taking it again at the end of Jan and felt bloated and not myself and gained 3 and a half pounds despite sticking to slimming world plan. I stopped taking it 2 weeks ago and wont take it again.

Im so sorry you have had something more serious happen Hope you are better soon and please do as a pp suggested....and call the hospital if you cant keep your meds down Thanks

Paddingtonthebear · 06/03/2015 19:06

Stickler for routine = inflexible person who will only do what suits/benefits them

Sorry OP. Hope you feel better soon, do you have a mate that could come over tonight? I don't think you should be on your own at the moment, health wise

UmizoomiThis · 06/03/2015 19:06

Wow, what an arse. Supportive when girlfriend is in hospital but minute she's disharged his life goes back to normal, eh?

bellbottomedtear · 06/03/2015 19:07

Op I agree with previous posters get to a doc and get a different tablet I was on warfarin when I had a pe. Like you I didn't smoke hardly drank and was running around after 2 young children it was caused by the pill at 26. Take it easy and get either ring 111 or go back to a&e for a change

SylvaniansAtEase · 06/03/2015 19:09

Only since June last year?

You know how you get to know someone quite quickly at first, first flush and all that, and then getting to know them on a deeper level takes much longer?

Well, here you are getting to know him more deeply. Bit by bit.

Take note of this. It's good you've noticed it. It's not a good sign, basically.

Good luck - just remember, you've only invested a few months in this guy. If he stops being worth it, stop investing. Move on.

SylvaniansAtEase · 06/03/2015 19:10

Oh and sorry! Meant to say - get well soon!

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 19:11

Thanks everyone. It wasn't the night out as such, it was the not being concerned enough to skip a bike-ride, even when I asked. (And actually he could have probably still done that, just been twenty minutes late for the birthday drinks)

I suppose part of it is feeling frustrated that I can't go out and have fun but that's not his fault.

I will try and see if there's anyone that could come and hang out but late notice on a Friday evening I suppose.

Need to take a dose of anti-coagulant but don't dare while I'm feeling so sick.

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 19:15

Please ring the ward.
You can't be more than a couple of hours late with rivaroxaban.
Seriously - you must get advice - either anti-sickness medication or stop the rivaroxaban and get a treatment dose of heparin by injection.

I really can't overemphasise how important this is so soon after the clot.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/03/2015 19:15

I wonder if it's occurred to him that it was probably the pill, which enables him to have sex, which caused this. Or at least contributes to it. All the benefits, none of the side effects for him. And he gets to go and bike and drink and leave you to deal with it.

Original poster
MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 19:17

Thanks 3littlefrogs. I will ring them now. This is why I wish I wasn't on my own!

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 19:17

EXACTLY Terry I was thinking exactly the same thing. It always seems to be women taking all the risks.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 19:18

I completely agree MrsTP.
This is why I feel so enraged. Angry

Petitgrain · 06/03/2015 19:19

I was going to quote Maya Angelou too but see others already have. I wish I had heard that 20 years ago, it could have prevented me from settling down with someone who cared not one jot about me when things were rough. Run, don't walk, from him OP. He doesn't care about you enough.

justmyview · 06/03/2015 19:20

Sorry, I also think the bike ride is a bit off

Well done for asking him directly for help / support /TLC instead of expecting him to guess, but that does make it harder to accept if he doesn't deliver

In fairness, did you say "OK then" to him? My DH would probably take that at face value & think it really was OK for him to not come over

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 19:20

Yep LTB

QTPie · 06/03/2015 19:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SirVixofVixHall · 06/03/2015 19:22

You don't live together, and this a very recent relationship. He is more of a boyfriend than a DP in my book. Is he your age? Because he doesn't sound very mature.