Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

[MadHattersWineParty]

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

I disagree that's there's always compromise. When it comes to a serious illness, the ill person shouldn't be entering into a compromise. It's not a case of what he should be doing, it's that he should want to do it. Having sex with someone regularly doesn't mean you care deeply for them; being there and giving a shit when the chips are down, does.

Posted too soon.

Get well very soon and take good care of yourself. You definitely deserve much more.

Thanks for letting us know you're out of hospital Mad. Hope you continue to get better

So he doesn't come rushing ot your side when he knew you'd had to get back to hospital? He's let you down twice, very badly. You deserve much better.

Yep. So he knew damn well how serious this is having worked in a hospital.

This and his uncaring behaviour coupled with the fact its highly likely that this was caused by the fact you were taking the Pill in part so that he could have sex without the consequences for him of you becoming pregnant should have had him WANTING to be at your side.

He reeks of male entitlement this tosser. He has no manners or respect.

And i agree with a PP I reckon someone said something to him on his night out. Hope you continue to recover well

Thanks for letting us know, OP. I hope the anti sickness meds are working. So he knew how dangerous this is. You deserve so much more, don't take him back.
I hope you feel better soon, take things very easy, the lining of the lung may take a while to heal, I was in pain for weeks.

Really hoping the tablets knock the sickness on the head. We're here for virtual hugs/Haagen Dazs/sharing stories of rubbish men

for you OP.

Really glad you are better OP. Take care - and also take care not to settle for a slightly selfish, slightly shit bloke as your one and only :)

How have you been during the week OP. Hope you are better x

Hope you are better, too, and you ditched this lame ass boyfriend.

Ach, this is the worst thing when you are feeling ill, to be left to struggle while they are out enjoying themselves. I'm disabled, and I get really sick with kidney infections and then stones afterwards. I've given up on dating for now as I was okay when I was well and keeping up with them, and maybe the first time I got ill when they felt a bit bad - it's partially caused by having sex, no matter how careful I am with cleaning before and after - but the second time onwards sympathy seems to run out.

Having a sudden illness is even worse as you aren't prepared emotionally or practically for it. I can imagine it's very frightening going through all that, and yes you are going to want to recover at home with plenty of hugs and support. I mean, even if he went out, coming round beforehand and giving you that support, and maybe being contactable and not drinking too much is not much to ask. They still go out and have fun, it's just nice to be around for someone after a scare like this.

I've always seen this sort of thing as a reason not to continue with someone. I will be sick the rest of my life, I have had to adjust to that, I don't hide it and am very open and honest before getting involved with someone. If they can't support me with that, then they aren't right for me as I can't be in a relationship without it. I don't expect it, but I also can't adapt to suit them without putting myself under a lot of strain and getting ill, so I have to protect my health first.

Opi hope you are ok!
Im in the same boat as you! I got taken to hospital as i was having pains in my chest but they didn't think it was serious and sent me home, only to go back next day to be told there was a clot in my lungs!
It's terrifying! Im 30, don't smoke no longer drink.
They think mine was the pill too, but dianette.
Your bf is a twat.
I'm on the same blood thinners as you and they're a nightmare to begin with. I was a nightmare!
I felt ill and i thought i was going to die.
My partner just took it.
That's what a real man, someone who cares for you does.
My oh was terrified he was going to lose me.
I'm still scared im going to die to be honest! Although im on these blood thinners, any little symptom and it terrifies me!
Plus my hospital was next to useless and didn't really tell me anything to look out for or how to take the bloody tablets! Just every day, same time. Well actually no, it doesn't have to be the same time. Aslong as you take it around the time, ie at night or morning, few hours before or after.
Hope you're feeling better. Xx

OP he doesn't have to do a bike ride, he chose to. I think by you posting this you know he's being unkind and selfish. You shouldn't have to ask him to be there, and when you ask and he says no? It's hard because relationships are easy at the start when everything's going well. What we really need is someone who's going to love us when we are happy, smiley, dancing away at a party; and then also when we are ill, sad and struggling. That's what true love is. Sack him off.

How are you, OP?