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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Been seriously ill, DP gone out on the piss.

164 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 06/03/2015 18:38

Earlier this week I was hospitalised for a pulmonary embolism. Was a big shock, am 29, don't smoke, fit and active etc etc (well was until this anyway!)

We don't live together, but quite close by in the same area of London. Tonight my DP (been together since June last year) has gone to a friend's birthday drinks so I'm on my own, still feeling horrible from the effects of the blood clot, shuffling around and struggling with my medication which is making me very sick. Add to that all the mental stuff and the 'what ifs' (I was lucky, they nearly didn't catch it before it was a lot worse) and I'm feeling pretty bloody sorry for myself. (Although glad to be alive obviously)

My Dad has been staying with me as he was so worried but went back earlier today.

Normally on a Friday night I'd be out drinking wine and having fun but can't obviously. Boyfriend to be fair has been good this week in terms of hospital visits, concern, practical help etc. I don't at all want to come across as needy but AIBU in thinking he might have stayed in with me tonight and watched a film or something? These are friends he sees regularly. I hated myself for doing it but I text asking if he would pop in on the way to this drinks thing to give me a hug and some lucozade, as it's all I can keep down on these tablets, but he says he'd be too pushed for time as he's got to do a bike-ride before going out.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself that I can't go out and have fun, I don't know. I know I have taken up a lot of his time this week in terms of hospital visits and fetching clothes etc, but can't help feeling a bit upset that I have been very ill indeed and he's off drinking cocktails.

So AIBU in being put out?

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 22:12

I am so glad you are having alternative treatment OP.
Sorry your boyfriend turned out to be a loser.
Good thing you found out his true colours now though.

Your priority is your health now.

Patatas · 06/03/2015 22:12

Glad you are being looked after by the professionals, I hope they get you sorted soon. It takes a while to get your head round this kind of thing, especially when its all so sudden. Take care of yourself and surround yourself by lots of supportive people.

Iflyaway · 06/03/2015 22:13

Sounds like he has been there for you all week.

He needs a break too and get a breather with his mates/on his bike.

never mind what is going on in his own life

I understand you are going through a lot, but you sound overly needy.

June is not really that long a time for a life-long commitment.

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 22:14

Glad you've gone to get some help hun, try and get some rest tonight and think about the DP situation when you're feeling a bit better. Just concentrate on getting better for now xx Flowers

BadgersNadgers · 06/03/2015 22:17

I'm pleased you're being looked after, fingers crossed the nausea will subside.

I'm worried that we're upsetting you with our advice to punt him into the river. We don't want you to be hurt and heartbroken, we just think you deserve someone kinder.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 22:17

I really do wonder how many people who are sympathising with the boyfriend have even the remotest clue how serious the op's condition is?

However - at least she has found out what his priorities are now.

3littlefrogs · 06/03/2015 22:18

That was to Iflyaway BTW.

Overly needy? Good grief.

feebeecat · 06/03/2015 22:19

You are allowed to feel sorry for yourself after something like this, it must've been a massive shock. He was the person who was supposed to be there for you, support & look after you - he let you down.
Concentrate on getting better, he does not deserve your attention right now. Easier said than done I know, but priorities. Hope you're feeling better soon Flowers

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 22:20

Hes a selfish shit. When my Dh and i started seeing each other 23 years ago he popped round to see me one day before work.
I had VERY bad period pain and could barely stand and i was pale and sweating. He came to check on me and then went off to work which was fine.

Later that afternoon i was lying on the sofa still in pain trying to watch A Country Practice (old Australian soap) and i saw his car pull up outside.
He had got permission to leave work early because he was worried. I remember saying at the time that he didnt need to but it was nice that he did.

We had been dating for two weeks.

OP im glad you are being looked after in hospital and receiving the meds you need by injection .

clairemum22 · 06/03/2015 22:21

Yanbu, he's a git. Who wouldn't support their partner in those circumstances?

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 22:23

3littlefrogs i cant help wondering if those posters would have said the same if the genders were reversed.

With some people the stereotypes of how women have to "soldier on" while men cant cope with the slightest sniffle are really ingrained.

passthewineplz · 06/03/2015 22:24

Wow Ifly! Do you realise how serious op health condition is? She hasn't come across needy at all, she asked her DP to get her some lucozade as she cant keep the important blood thinning meds down, and he decided a bike ride was more important. Fair enough he neeed some me time, but he had the rest of the evening for his me time!

Ohfourfoxache · 06/03/2015 22:25

So not only have you had all the stress and fear of a PE, but you also had to battle to get help in the first place (aren't you the poster who was told that she was "having a nosebleed" Hmm ? ) but you've gone through this with a less than supportive BF?

Oh, and the reason you're like this in the first place is because you're the one taking responsibility for contraception?

That's a hell of a lot to go through for sex with a twatbadger Sad

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 22:26

foxache i need a like button for your post.

HelenaDove · 06/03/2015 22:27

This thread is a perfect example of male entitlement.

Ohfourfoxache · 06/03/2015 22:30

Jesus Ifly - Hatter isn't being needy AT ALL.

Do you know how serious a PE is? Fair enough if you don't, but have a read up on it. If she had a bit of a cold or a chipped finger nail then, yes, she might be being a bit precious. But a PE is pretty fucking serious.

Also the reason she had a PE is likely to be linked with taking the pill. So it's something that she has done, which is in part for his benefit, and yet he prioritises riding his bike and drinking over looking after her?

Er, yeah - fuck that Hmm

Ohfourfoxache · 06/03/2015 22:31

Blush Helena - thank you Blush

ChasedByBees · 06/03/2015 22:34

He's not a keeper OP.
Glad you're getting help now.

zipzap · 06/03/2015 22:54

So glad to see that a&e are treating you properly and that you're in the right place being well looked after.

Hope that they manage to sort out your meds so you don't feel sick on them soon.

I had to have warfarin tablets for a dvt and had the heparin injections for a couple of weeks while they got to work. I had to go into the hospital daily for a blood test - and found I picked up lots of bugs as we had to use the same small waiting room as others that were there because they had a nasty bug. Notably, I got a really bad d&v bug which really didn't help in the circumstances - so dh got me some strong hand anti bac stuff which I used loads whenever I had to go back in after that - really helped on cutting down on the bugs I picked up. (they had problems sorting my inr levels out so I ended up going back to the hospital a lot more than I should have done over the next few months so it was worth knowing I had to be proactive to keep bugs at bay and they keep an even closer eye on you if you get a PE)

WayfaringStranger · 06/03/2015 22:55

It's time to focus on you now. Look after your health and look after your happiness. He's shown his true colours, get out while it's not too late. You deserve better.

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

3littlefrogs · 07/03/2015 00:03

It could be that you need to try something other than rivaroxaban OP.
You could have injections then warfarin, or possibly apixaban.
The hospital will sort out the long term treatment for you.

I hope you feel better soon.

Flowers
DemelzaandRoss · 07/03/2015 00:17

He's shown his true colours. Don't waste any more time with him. Get well soon & then get rid of him. Good Luck.

CoffeeBeanie · 07/03/2015 07:26

Glad you got that sorted and they will give you something you can integrate into your life for the next months, not make you more sick.

I was on Heparin injections for 2 months because the thought I couldn't bf on Warfarin. When it was established I can, I was put on Warfarin. The annoying thing with Warfarin are the constant blood tests. That's probably why they gave you the Rivaroxaban.

Forget all about neediness, this is an extreme situation, you should have everyone gathering around you, making you feel safe, looking after you, helping you heal.
This is the time you find out who really cares. Complete strangers care about you! Hope you can get home soon with manageable meds. Flowers

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 07/03/2015 09:26

Hope your night was ok and you're feeling less sick today. Your DP is a twat, you don't want this to be typical of your relationship - you can do better, find someone who truly cares x

quietbatperson · 07/03/2015 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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