to be so anxious about new neighbour?

[fabuleux]

Had a lovely quiet couple next to me for the last 12 months, barely heard a peep.
New neighbour appears to be a young woman in early 20s and her dd who looks about 2.
They've been slowly moving things in over the last week. The walls are paper thin and I've heard her dd tantrumming/screaming/crying already and lots of loud voices when she's had people over. Plus either her or someone else was smoking outside her front door which made my house stink when I opened my kitchen window.
Praying she doesn't blare shitty thumping music out and that her dd doesn't wake screaming/crying in the night. Her bedroom is right next to my 10yo's room. I've had shit neighbours in the past and think I'm hypersensitive to it all now and can't relax.

I'm fucking reprehensible. Thanks. DD has severe ASD. Might have something to do with it. We have sat up all night with her many a time. And even medicate her. But nice to hear I am fucking reprehensible.

Say what you feel, there, perpetua72!

I really cant "teach" my 3 tr old not to have night terrors which he wakes up screaming with. I don't "let" him have them, they just happen when he's had a bad dream, they are out of our control.

What do you suggest I do perpetua? Make him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs? Chastise him for having terrifying dreams? What "good" parenting techniques will stop them?

I have apologised to our ndns several times for the night noise, I feel terrible about it, but I can't stop my son waking up in the night or sleep train him out of waking and being afraid-it's just not that simple

As it happens perpertua. DD is fairly quiet and we are friendly with our neighbours..their toddler bangs sometimes too.

It's hard to teach her to be quiet when she has severe ASD and severe and complex learning disabilities mind you.

But carry on taking your shit out on me. And calling me fucking reprehensible. Very weird.

We bought our 2nd floor flat a few years ago before getting married. We hadnt planned on having children there but DD came along far earlier than we had planned, house prices had rocketed (London) and we couldn't afford the step up to a house. When DD was born she had horrendous colic, and screamed pretty much constantly, night and day. We also went from being out at work all day to me being in the flat all the time on mat leave. So we went from being very quiet neighbours to very loud ones.

Our wonderful elderly neighbour downstairs didnt complain once. I apologised to her when I saw her, she actually pretended that she hadnt heard much to make me feel better. She said babies crying can't be helped and not to worry about it. She was still saying the same 12 months later when we had a busy and active toddler who still regularly woke in the night. She has never had children and was still wonderfully understanding and kind to a stressed and worried new mother.

We have now moved to a detached house (200 miles away so we could afford it). We are still in touch and I hope her new neighbours are quieter for her.

Fanjo, do you believe it's ok to let your child bang on shared walls??! I would despise any neighbour who let their kid do this. Of course you can stop him banging, it's your duty as a parent (and as a neighbour!)
I never let my 2 kids bang on walls or run around at night. when DS was a toddler we lived in a terrace, he was hyperactive and would keep getting up in night but each time we put him straight back to bed, very firm with him, made it clear this was not allowed. We put a stairgate on his bedroom door, it's not safe for a toddler to run around by himself at night. We warned our neighbours when we were sleep-training and apologised profusely for the crying. Toddlers are perfectly capable of learning rules! They need discipline and boundaries.

yes I actually encourage her. Err not. But sometimes I do have to sleep and then she has a quick bang unfortunately. Luckily our neighbours don't despise us

If you are able to teach her not to bang then please.come round. I'd be very impressed.

Maybe read all my posts

At least you're not hearing your NDNs having sex. We bought our house last year and (unsurprisingly) didn't know it had paper thin walls when we bought it. Our bedroom is next to theirs. Luckily it's only once a week or so and only for 5 mins while she shouts 'oh oh oh'. Could be worse but its not great if the inlaws are staying as you can hear it in our lounge if it's quiet (where they sleep).

We're the new neighbours though and will need to knock on their door and let them know. They're a young couple without kids (so obviously no one to disturb in their house) and they will hear our baby when he's born plus we also have a 5yo who does make some noise. It's a bit of give and take really, they will clearly hear us and our family at points. However they possibly don't want us sharing in their intimate moments!!

YANBU to be anxious about noise, but there's a big difference between deliberate anti-social noise and general family noise (or noise that can't be helped, e.g. babies crying at night). Get to know her and you'll soon know if she's out to deliberately disturb the peace, or is simply a mum of a toddler.

Fanjo, sorry, missed your last 2 posts. I appreciate it's harder to teach discipline when a child has ASD. If you're sure your neighbours don't mind, fair enough but what if kept waking them/upsetting their child, would you still say you can't do anything about it? Can't you put her in a different room or use cot-sides on the bed to stop her getting out and banging the neighbours wall?
When we sleep-trained DS we took shifts waiting up listening for him getting out of bed. Every time he got out one of us went in and told him 'No' very firmly, put him straight back in bed. After a week or so he learned he would not have his own way!

Oh my days....
A child who has ASD is NOT a naughty child. It's not a case of saying NO firmly over and over.
We also need to sleep you know not just those of you who are "unfortunate" to live next door to a family with children on the autism spectrum.

At thinking cot sides will keep an eight year old in bed my dd is 4 and this wouldn't stop her.

There is no different room. She is 5 ft tall so cot sides don't work.

I have been telling her "no" firmly for 6 years. It doesn't work. She is not NT.

For example.she goes into cupboard for food constantly. I mean every 5 minutes. I say no every time and take her out. I say no firmly. She goes out. Then straight back to cupboard. Only solution. .locks on cupboard doors. I guess you don't understand until you live it.

She is much better than she was. We will get there.

"After a week or so he learned he would not have his own way!" That is actually hilarious to me in a hollow laugh sort of way. Like when my auntie said I just don't persevere enough and I should just sit DD.on toilet for a week and she will be toilet trained.

We have sat her on toilet for 6 years and just cracked it this week

Golden why is it ok for you to sleep but not your neighbours? As parents we're responsible for what our kids do and ASD is not an excuse. If my neighbours child regularly kept my family awake at night I would be annoyed, the reason is irrelevant. What matters is the parents seek appropriate help and support if they can't manage their child. At the end of the day if my kids disturb our neighbours they have every right to be fed-up and complain, my kids aren't their responsibility!! I'd rather stay up all night with a crying/poorly child than let them bang on walls or scream.

We had sleep experts come in for 2 years before they gave up and said we were doing all we could. Anyway sorry. Enough about me just need to defend self from being called reprehensible

So.people with kids with ASD should stay up all night every night theboat?

That is actually fatal tbh.

Fanjo i assumed you meant your DD was a toddler that's why I suggested cot-sides. If she's still banging on neighbours wall in night why can't you move her bed to a different room?

We don't have a different room
We live in a flat.

Anyway. She doesn't bang every night. The neighbours kid is probably noisier. Doesn't bother us. We understand