to be so anxious about new neighbour?

[fabuleux]

Had a lovely quiet couple next to me for the last 12 months, barely heard a peep.
New neighbour appears to be a young woman in early 20s and her dd who looks about 2.
They've been slowly moving things in over the last week. The walls are paper thin and I've heard her dd tantrumming/screaming/crying already and lots of loud voices when she's had people over. Plus either her or someone else was smoking outside her front door which made my house stink when I opened my kitchen window.
Praying she doesn't blare shitty thumping music out and that her dd doesn't wake screaming/crying in the night. Her bedroom is right next to my 10yo's room. I've had shit neighbours in the past and think I'm hypersensitive to it all now and can't relax.

That would be a lovely gesture fabuleux

I think that's a lovely idea op. Anxieties can run away with you, and if you are anything like me, your home needs to be your sanctuary. It's understandable that you are worried, just try to give it a chance and not let your mind run away with you.

The toddler might settle down a bit with the tantrums when they've got used to the change of a new house. When we moved I felt like having a screaming tantrum myself in the first week!
Taking a neighbourly gift round is a good idea. YABU to assume things are going to get worse for you but if you're used to quiet neighbours and an older child then a toddler can be a bit of a change. Just hope that your DC doesn't turn into a noisy teen

Most people have friends that smoke, the fact they were outside doing it and not inside has to be a good sign?

Kids have tantrums, terrible 2's, I'm sure we have all been there?

Single mum with a little girl, maybe she could do with a friend, maybe go and say 'hello'?

Yanbu if you have suffered the hell that are bad neighbours it's understandable to be sensitive to signs of a repeat performance.

Fab the cake is a lovely idea. Single mum dealing with the terrible twos by herself. She must be exhausted.

Fabuleux that's a lovely idea! I'm sure once you meet her little girl face to face the noise she makes will seem a bit less annoying.

OP you didn't sound like a cow at all, just someone who is understandably worried after an awful experience previously.

Cake sounds a great idea. Hope it goes well.

Flanjab... your toddler is your responsibility not your neighbours. You decided to have a child and should expect being woken in the night... they didn't have that choice. Any neighbour has a responsibility to minimise noise disturbance, whether its your child causing it or your music/dog/friends/party/nocturnal lifestyle etc. Having a child does not make you exempt from decent neighbourly conduct! I'm not saying you personally don't minimuse it, but many don't because they think it's the neighbours problem not theirs!

BTW I'm not taking about occasional nighttime tantrums or short periods of crying, I'm talking about persistent noise that disturbs others.

If you believe in letting your child be as noisy as they want, whenever they want, get your career sorted before having kids! That way you have the option of a house. Living in a flat you need to be respectful of others.

You sound delightful sukie

Delightfully removed from reality

Lol @ the poster that thinks you should complain if the toddler cries between 2300-0700 because it's against the rules

Why is it unreasonable for OP to be worried about noise? She had a bad experience before, of course she's anxious now. Toddlers are loud! You forget just how loud after a few years. We lived in a terrace when DD was 2 we were very much aware of how noisy she was but did our best to keep her quiet at night. You can't eliminate all noise though it's just not possible.
Cake is a great idea OP, try to make friends and she'll be more sensitive to your needs too.

I don't know many people who can afford a detached house in London no matter how "sorted" their career is... It's sad that none of those people can have toddlers now. Oh well!

Wow sukie... Erm I don't think I need to say anything back really because you are letting people know how ignorant you are all by yourself..

Op!! You poor thing, its hard to understand the FEAR if you have never suffered from selfish, evil neighbours, of course your going to be worried.

First of all, loads of smiles from YOU, big bunch of flowers and chocs from YOU to her,....welcome to new home card from YOU, with note in it, to say if she needs anything please knock and dont hesitate.

ALSO PUT IN NOTE, I have lived here for a long time, and I must apologise in advance for any noise MY SIDE you may hear, please let me know if the telly is too loud etc....

DO THIS OP, DO IT DO IT DO IT.

She will think you are a lovely person, and wont want to upset you and will be much more open to you - if you knock and very sweetly tell her the telly is too loud...or smoke is coming in.....

The absolute KEY in these situs is getting off to a good start.

fab you dont sounds like a cow at all you sound like someone who is terrified and rightly so.

do cake, flowers, lavish her with kindess and gifts and get those LINES OF SWEET AND HAPPY COMMUNICATION GOING and make sure you are clear about noise from your side if she can hear it.

YANBU to be anxious. I've had perfectly nice neighbours with a perfectly nice toddler that still made living in my flat unbearable. Just because someone is normal and reasonable doesn't mean they can't have an impact on your life. I moved somewhere with better noise insulation. Best decision ever.

My DD is a young single mother and a better neighbour you couldn't wish to have. She lives next door to a handicapped person and does lots of odd little jobs for her. She's always careful not to have music on too loud out of respect for neighbours on both sides, and basically she's considerate of other people, so hopefully your new neighbour might be as nice? My advice would be to go and say hello, be friendly and welcome her to the neighbourhood. There's much less chance of any inconsiderate behaviour from her if she has a lovely neighbour next door to her.

i forgot to say....yanbu at all, good neighbours are everything, it's perfectly natural to worry. Hopefully things will turn out well.

Flanjab... why is it ignorant to expect neighbours to minimise noise disturbance? Why should your child be allowed to run riot and disturb everyone else? Clearly you don't have any logical answers.

I sympathise with OP and although I agree it's too early to act now, I also think it's crazy to expect her to put up with it (if it becomes a problem like she fears). My biggest mistake was waiting a year before making a complaint to landlord, by which time my noisy neighbours were in a routine of letting their kid run around screeching all night every night.

And why sign a contract for a flat with 'quiet hours' if you can't abide by them? Not only is it selfish, you're breaking the contract and could be evicted. Other people still have to work, study, raise their families around you... why should they put up with your noise?

If a baby or toddler wants to scream how the hell do you shut them up? Seriously, I'm intrigued.

Anyone who complained about my two year old crying at night would get short shrift from me. It's what they do sometimes. I don't like it either but that's the way it is.

Thank you for all the tips, I will be armed with a cake/card for when I see her properly, also I've thought about dropping into that first conversation about how "this is a lovely area, it's so quiet and peaceful" so she is aware of the status quo on the road - there are lots of families living here, but it's still very quiet.