to be so anxious about new neighbour?

[fabuleux]

Had a lovely quiet couple next to me for the last 12 months, barely heard a peep.
New neighbour appears to be a young woman in early 20s and her dd who looks about 2.
They've been slowly moving things in over the last week. The walls are paper thin and I've heard her dd tantrumming/screaming/crying already and lots of loud voices when she's had people over. Plus either her or someone else was smoking outside her front door which made my house stink when I opened my kitchen window.
Praying she doesn't blare shitty thumping music out and that her dd doesn't wake screaming/crying in the night. Her bedroom is right next to my 10yo's room. I've had shit neighbours in the past and think I'm hypersensitive to it all now and can't relax.

'I can use every trick in my book, but dd will still cry/make a lot of noise and refuse to be quiet. It is ludicrous that you class this as inconsiderate noise'

Flanjab... it's not the noise itself that's inconsiderate, it's where you let her make it! If she's 'refusing to be quiet' right next to the neighbours party-wall at night, it's inconsiderate not to take her into a different room. Even when you can't stop the noise, it's important to realise how annoying and disruptive it is to neighbours. Sometimes an apology, friendly chat or just aknowleding how your noise impacts them (and explaining what you do to try and reduce it) can go a long way to smoothing things over. Nuisance noise from your flat is still your responsibility, regardless of the source. To someone without children (or people with quiet children) it is not 'normal household noise' at all.

Sukie - you are not idiotic - you have my sympathy. I might as well get called idiotic and flamed too.

I had a neighbour similar to yours, but there were 2 children (age 3 and 5)and also a dog. Difficult for me to move, as I owned the house, she rented.

The noise was awful. Dog barking at all hours, inside the house and in the back yard. The children were in the main bedroom right next to mine and they would be shouting and screaming at 1am in the morning. After about an hour, she would come in and start shouting and screaming at the children. She would also tell them to shut the f@&k up and call them shits, wankers and bas@/&ds. We used to get the tv blaring all weekend and the kids running round the house shouting and banging on the walls and slamming doors.

It drove me bloody mad and actually got me very stressed. I was regularly knackered in work and never got a lie-in on a weekend due to the noise from her children.

I did approach her nicely to start with and politely explained the impact of the noise from her house. She wasn't arsed. Just said her children were entitled to have fun! I did lose it one day and went round and told her to shut her f@&ing children up. This was after months of constant noise.

In the end, I complained to environment health and her landlord. After showing her landlord (social housing) a diary I kept for a month, they actually moved her. She took great delight in telling the other neighbours that the 'snotty cow' next door got her thrown out!

People do need to be considerate of the noise their toddlers/children make. I was very conscious and still am where my DS is concerned that we don't annoy our neighbours, as they are lovely. We had a few of his friends round last Sunday and they did make a fair bit of noise, so they were asked to keep it down. I did go round to my neighbours in the afternoon and apologised if they had disturbed her. Luckily she had been out, so didn't hear them.

Suzie, I am sure you will be a very considerate neighbour when your little one arrives.

I would feel the same as you OP. I'm sure you're not judging her and hopefully she will turn out to be lovely. It all depends on your past experience I guess - if another young woman moved in next to me I would be anxious because of the hideous experience we had last year. It doesn't mean I'd be judging! Fingers crossed for you.

ive been complaining about my neighbour and her ten year old for months and shes been recorded but she hasnt got moved or even warned, how did u get them to move lucy?
i agree with suzi too im living in hell with a woman in a no soundproof flat above me who lets her kid run and jump off the bed and on it thank god im moving soon i feel for the poor sod who lives here but hopefully karma will get her and she will have a metalhead who plays music all night and has parties then she will realise that she shouldn't of been so inconsiderate to me

I definitely think there's some toddler noise that's just unavoidable (doesn't stop it being disruptive) but I think if you have a toddler you definitely have to make some concessions.

Like giving up your lovely hard wood flooring and putting play mats down where the kid is going to be running about and throwing toys on the floor. Can't believe how loud a tiny kid's footsteps can be compared to an adults. And the sound of a thousand toy cars being tipped onto the floor every two minutes nearly drove me insane.

Lucy... thanks for your support. I'm so glad your neighbour got moved on, she sounded an absolute nightmare! It's good to know the council will take action in some circumstances.
Empty... I hope they get something done about your neighbour too! It's such a shame you're being driven out of your home by it. There's never any excuse for a child running and jumping off furniture in a flat!

Two... I agree with the hardwood floors thing. Why why why would anyone with a toddler choose a flat with wooden floors and no soundproofing?? Then refuse to put any rugs/padding down?
I totally get it about the running and toy cars being tipped out. My ex-neighbours had hardwood floors and their kid used to run from wall-to-wall until 3am, it sounded like someone hitting floor with hammer. They also had a yappy dog who used to chase toddler up and down barking in night (or maybe he was chasing dog)...cue relentless clatter of dog claws combined with echoing thunder of toddler feet then both would get overexcited and start colliding with walls, furniture, then more barking and hysterical screeching, crying that went on for an hour or so before the running/chasing started again.
I'm so glad I'm out of that place! Anyone going through a similar experience has my deepest sympathy. I recommend making a complaint to landlord/council early on, rather than suffering for months.

I think I was just lucky Empty. It was a very small housing association who owned the property and I have to admit, I just bombarded them with letters and phone calls. I gave them as much harassment as my neighbour gave me. I must have spoken to them every day for about 6 weeks and followed up with letters. They got a report every single time there was noise (not a monthly diary).

I also think, she asked/agreed to move in the end, as she got sick of me hammering on her door. Any noise, and I would go round every single time and bang like mad on her door. She gave up answering after a while, but she got the message. Obviously I only started doing this after months of noise from her and the children.

It was quite funny, but she made a counter-complaint at one point and said she was sick of all the men coming and going from my house and the loud 'sex' noises. Me and the neighbours on the other side found this really funny, as I had been single for about 6 years.

Sukie!!!Your experience would probably have given me a stroke!

Thank goodness you are out of there and good luck with your baby!
!
OP,holding thumbs things don't go downhill.

How nasty some people are to doubt Sukie's circumstances and trawl old threads!

Chimney are you quite well?

Toddlers can be noisy OP but they grow up so it won't last forever. Hopefully she won't play loud music though.

Also think sukie will get a shock when she has a toddler.

I've also had my fair share of bad neighbours. Students who party until morning, have no idea of parking and my last neighbour who wanted to be a drum 'n' bass DJ it's all given me a mental tick list of what not to look for in our new house.

We moved to a 'naice' area a couple of years ago and are renting while we decide on what to buy. Can you imagine how our neighbours felt when we pulled up? 3 teenagers, a DP who looks like a long haired serial killer, 2 drum kits, 5 electric guitars, 4 amps - one the size of a fridge and a huge motorbike. We keep getting comments about how quiet we are and nobody would know we lived there

Try not to judge until they've settled in.

Why do so many posters assume suki is 'in for a shock' with her child? Not all toddlers are naughty and loud. My DD was very placid. DS was another matter but we never let him run about at night or jump off furniture he was never allowed to chase the dog either!! I'm surprised anyone lets a toddler do those things it's not very safe!

I am a single mother in my early 20's. I also smoke outside my yard.

My toddler too an throw one hell of a tantrum.

However it is my neighbour, who happens to be a very respectable looking person in their mid to late 40's, that is a noisy, antisocial arse.

I know how horrible it is to feel anxious about neighbours, because they do potentially have the power to make life terrible. But if you like them then normal noise etc won't seem like a problem, you are probably feeling a bit hyper-sensitive due to past experience. I'd suggest popping round to say hi and you'll probably end up having a nice chat and feeling completely differently about it. Noise won't brother you if you know it's a nice mum and a cute toddler making it !

gotthe I didn't trawl any old threads of Sukie's, I didn't need to. The sheer arrogance and ignorance she showed about parenting, her judgemental comments and her supercilious tone when telling us how easy parenting a toddler is on her previous thread is burnt into my brain. If you haven't read it give it a go.

Are you meant to gag the crying child?

Perpetua jengr doesn't say she does nothing about it! There is sometimes nothing you can do! they will cry no matter how hard to try to comfort them. I really don't get why some people on this thread are pretending to be so dense that they cannot get this simple point.

Sometimes a toddler will cry and there is nothing you can do to stop them! Is that clear enough?!

I will happily swap neighbours with you....

How nasty some people are to doubt Sukie's circumstances and trawl old threads!

To be fair it was a fairly memorable thread for anyone who's ever had a child who deigned to be awake in the middle of the night

Coola... the thread you're referring to was not about crying or the occasional midnight tantrum. It was about parents who allowed their toddler to run around screeching at full volume and hitting walls all night every night. I am amazed that any parent thinks that's an acceptable way to let a child behave in a flat!
And nowhere on the thread did I say parenting toddlers was easy. My stance was (and still is) that parents who live in flats need to do everything possible to minimise noise disturbance. If that means being stricter with your child but you don't agree with setting rules (like no running at night)... don't choose a flat with thin walls! It's incredibly selfish to inflict your child's noise on other people, especially when it wakes them up.
There are always things parents can do to reduce noise, like moving child away from party-wall when they're noisy, and putting rugs/foam-padding down to minimise noise of running. You don't need to be a parent to work those things out.

Flanjab... I get it that they cry and you can't always stop them, but why can't you move child to a different room while they're crying, so they don't wake neighbours?

FWIW I read your thread sukie.and there was clearly something going on with that child. Pain or separation anxiety or he was at a prime age for an autistic regression. But not getting into other threads on here or rehashing it.

My DD is 8 and runs around bangs and yells. Oops.

And yes we do everything we can for neighbours. No we cant afford a detached house. Luckily they have a screaming todder so it's all give and take.

Pretty much the only way to stop wall banging would be to sit up with child all night every night with them in a wrestling hold tbh.