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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

These friends ARE being unreasonable, right?

239 replies

MaloryArcher · 05/03/2015 08:32

Two years ago we lent our cot to some friends (the H is a colleague of DP's). DD was 4 and we weren't planning anymore DC.

But DS came along 6 months ago and a few months later I asked DP to ask friend if we could come collect the cot. He said no Shock . They were still using it as their DS's bed. I was raging and had to be talked out of saying something.

Now DS has outgrown his crib. He's mostly co-sleeping but I want to turn the spare room into his room and start sleep training him. We don't have another £100 to spend on a cot when we already own one. Their DS is 2 and a half.

DP was meant to ask friend about cot again yesterday but 'forgot'. I'm half tempted to text them both (can't ring as they work) and say we're coming to collect it on Saturday.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
rootypig · 05/03/2015 17:32

Ha my mum used to call us that ossity, your username I mean! that's made me smile.

Yes to reusing a cot. Just something odd about another child growing up in it? But I am sentimental about these things. Maybe it would seem different if it was a friend or family of my own.

theboatisleaking · 05/03/2015 18:03

OP if the cot was so special and precious to you, why did you loan it to these people in the first place?
I understand you wanting to keep it for sentimental value... but wouldn't most people store it carefully in the attic if this was the case?

After 2 years of being used by another family it's very unlikely it's still in pristine condition. It's unrealistic to expect it to be the same! They might have even got rid of it, thinking you didn't really want it back.
Even if you originally said something like 'I've got a cot you can borrow, my dd hasn't used it for 2 years, we're not planning on having more kids' they probably heard 'we've got an old cot we don't want and won't ever need again'.
It's like if I 'lent' you a dining-table I didn't want and had no plans to use again, then years later I moved to a bigger house and decided I wanted it back... it would be inconvenient and annoying for you. Asking for something back years later is bad manners.

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 05/03/2015 18:11

Think you are being totally U demanding the cot back at short notice and turfing a child out of their bed! You sound awful!

saintlyjimjams · 05/03/2015 18:12

YANBU - can't believe people think you are!

saintlyjimjams · 05/03/2015 18:12

Short notice? She asked 3 months ago. How much bloody notice does someone need?

funkyfoam · 05/03/2015 18:14

I thought the word lent meant that you were expected to return an item. I too am amazed at the huge number of thieves on here.

Claybury · 05/03/2015 18:17

Somebody once said to me 'never a borrower nor lender be'.
Imo you shouldn't have had to ask for it back. They should have offered as soon as you were pregnant. But they didn't and that's the sort of thing that annoys me.
I think you'll have to forget it. You can't really ask for it back.
I try to refrain from lending anything to anyone. It's often the best way to ruin a friendship. For some reason I always remember the things I lend out and never get back !

SonnyJimBob · 05/03/2015 18:18

Ridiculous. You lent them a cot because you were not planning anymore children = you didn't want it back.

Now 2 years later you want it to be returned. I'd tell you to get lost too.

Anydrinkwilldo · 05/03/2015 18:22

Totally and definitely YANBU OP. I genuinely cannot believe people are saying she should go buy another one! Doesn't matter if the OP wants the cot back to plant daisies in, it's her property. When asked for it back they should not have been told no!

Bowlersarm · 05/03/2015 18:25

YABU.

You loaned them an item which can be used until a child is 2 to 3 years old. You weren't planning to use it ever again; they took it on the assumption they could use it until they no longer needed it. You've now demanded it back before they've finished with it.

I'd be pissed off with you. I'd returm it because it isn't mine, but I'd be pissed off.

AmysTiara · 05/03/2015 18:30

I can't believe people think the op is unreasonable. It's her cot that she lent out. If she asks for it she should bloody well get it back

tiggytape · 05/03/2015 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeaLola · 05/03/2015 18:45

I have not had to look for a cot or buy one but if as so many people on here are saying there are lots free on gumtree etc why don't you find one and text the friends to say something like " Hi I know we mentioned after DS was born that we would need our cot back but we do really need it soonest. If you are in on x date can We pop by to collect it - don't worry I understand that your DC hasn't transitioned into a bed yet but We have sourced a a replacement cot for you to use and can drop this off at the same time, thanks " they then get a cot , you get yr DD one back and all that is left is for uou to buy a new mattress which you need todo anyhow.

Hopefully you won't find out that the "no" response was because they are lying and have previously sold it...

PandasRock · 05/03/2015 18:48

YANBU, OP.

For all those asking what could be done with a cot if no more children were planned - I have a cot with huge sentimental value (it was made for my dc by a friend) and once my older two had finished with it, it was used as a small sofa/daybed in the playroom. And then ds came along unexpectedly so he is in it now, and it'll be back in use as a sofa once he's finished. I have no intention of throwing it out.

Sazzle41 · 05/03/2015 18:54

Its tricky, were you firm that it was only a loan when you let it go? After 2years they are probably thinking you had forgotten/wouldnt be bothered. This is why i dont loan stuff I like/might need again or want to keep long term: it either goes missing, gets damaged or they want to keep it.

If i need stuff & am skint i'd rather look on ebay or gumtree as last time i was 'given' something, 2 weeks later, they wanted it back...Then at least its mine for good til i can upgrade tbh too.

Invizicat · 05/03/2015 18:59

I don't believe your dh asked clearly.

DH: any chance you've finished using that old cot yet?
Mate: Nah. We're still using it. Did you see the match last night?
End of convo.

You need to talk to the mum. She'll get it.

KatieKaye · 05/03/2015 18:59

YANBU.

The cot is yours - and you want it back.

All this drama about turfing a child out of his bed - he is going to be doing that anyway.

The colleague is just being rude. he's had plenty of notice to buy a bed and prepare his child for moving out of his borrowed cot. The passage of time is irrelevant - you lent them an item when they needed it and it's only fair that they return it when you need it. if anyone should be looking on Ebay or Gumtree it is the other parents. Why should you have the hassle?

expatinscotland · 05/03/2015 19:17

What pictish said.

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 05/03/2015 19:21

Think part of the lack of sympathy for op is that she ones across as genuinely quite unpleasant.

cannottakeanotherdayofthis · 05/03/2015 19:21

Comes not ones

rootypig · 05/03/2015 20:53

I'd guess they probably don't want to return it because they're not ready to move their DC into a big bed, and it's an absurd time to buy a new cot.

clam · 05/03/2015 21:13

cannottakeanotherdayofthis What? Shock

Are you reading the same thread as the rest of us? "Quite unpleasant?" How in God's name do you come to that conclusion?

I'm staggered by this thread and the entitlement that a fair few are showing by thinking these "friends" are not being unreasonable. They were LENT something. The owner requires it back now, and has asked nicely and given them plenty of notice. It's their problem to find something else for their child to sleep in, not the OP's.

Jeez!

NadiaWadia · 05/03/2015 21:56

YANBU. Some of the responses on here are weird! It was a loan, and always clear it was a loan. At over 2 the 'friends'' DS is plenty old enough to move into a bed, and they have had plenty of time to get him used to the idea, and buy one.

It's your cot. So they have to give it back, simple as that.

But hopefully it's all a miscommunication between the 2 fathers, which can be sorted.

OVienna · 05/03/2015 22:02

I would also feel weird keeping something which had been offered to me but the giver now clearly needs it. The child is old enough that it isn't unreasonable to ask for it back. Wi be in a bed soon anyway.

rumbleinthrjungle · 05/03/2015 22:12

Loads of posters saying 'get one on free cycle/gumtree - free and instant' - yeah, the friends can do that! Three months is more than enough notice to sort something else out, you've been helping them out for two plus years already! "my kid's still using it" - well now it's time to make other arrangements. It's what grown ups do.

Staggered people think OP is U, but on AIBU the OP is usually told they must go the extra mile (or several hundred miles) to enable everyone else (who is expected to have no responsibility whatsoever for anything).