my dp NEVER tips

[suzzieanneba46]

My dp just refuses ever to tip. This is because he worked in a pizza restaurant when he was a student and never got any of the tips as he worked in the kitchen.

Aibu to think he needs to give this up and just go along with social norms?

I only know one person who doesn't tip so I don't eat out with him. Everyone else I know tips so I disagree that it isn't the norm in the UK.

What wold happen if I were in the US in a restaurant / diner and didn't leave a tip or the imposed suggested 12.5%?

Totally agree with posts upthread that tips are split between all the staff in a properly run place serving food with table service. There will often be a points system so even the pot wash person and kitchen porter get a proportion of the customer tips. It is only fair as it's a team effort. And bloody hard work.

Anyone who says 'how hard can it be, bringing the food to the table?' should work a shift and see how they feel afterwards.

Eve - verbal abuse? In some places in the US tips can be considerably more than the actual wage and therefore extremely important to the restaurant staff who are expected to make a certain level of tips or they are underperforming.

Waiting staff are expected to make a certain amount of tips - it's like they get a basic wage for the opportunity to work in a specific place then they have to develop their own business within the restaurant. They are expected to upsell, to get people to spend.

What wold happen if I were in the US in a restaurant / diner and didn't leave a tip or the imposed suggested 12.5%?

No idea, but the suggested amount is more than that - think it is now at least 17.5% for adequate service, and 20% is more normal.

I got chased up the road when I went to a Chinese buffet restaurant in Michigan. The waiting staff did nothing except show me to a table, we helped ourselves to drink and food. No way was I paying 20% for 'service' when there was none. It didn't go down too well

Also in another restaurant there was a slip of paper directed at 'our English friends'. It suggested what you should be tipping in no uncertain terms. Hated it!

I tip over here because I want to, not because I'm forced to, and let's keep it like that!

I've been verbally abused in the US for not tipping correctly (we left double the tax,, about 18% at the time. The matre'd then came and found us in the bar and told us it was a tip for the waiter and a tip for him- ie 46%. Think he was trying it on so told him to piss off)

Id be interested to know whether those so set in not tipping would also refuse to do so in the US? A lot of these arguments (waiters not being the only poorly paid staff etc) for not tipping here apply there also

I usually tip if the server hasnt annoyed me just as its the thing you are supposed to do but this thread is making me think I shouldn't.

In London I always keep cash and change so after a drink somewhere can just leave the exact amount and ignore the service charge.

The biggest thing that affects whether I tip or not is how long the server takes to clear plates after the meal has been finished. I really dislike sitting in front of dirty plates for ages, so IMO a good waiter/waitress will be paying attention to when a table has finished eating and will clear plates within a few minutes of that.

If they don't do that, and they keep you waiting for ages to take your order, have your plates cleared, to bring the dessert menu, etc, they won't get a tip from me. If they do their job well, they get a tip.

I'm not sure if I count as a tipper or a non tipper, because whether I tip or not depends entirely on service received, just as it should be.

I always tip, but now this thread has made me question whether I really should be tipping or not.

My reasons for tipping are that I assumed it's just what you do and I used to work as a waitress years ago and the tips really did make a difference. However, after thinking about it, I was a waitress before NMW and it's never actually occurred to me that these days waiting staff, hairdressers etc are all being paid not much less than I am.

It's not something I particularly need to worry about though as I rarely eat out and so I likely will continue to tip but only for very good service now.

I guess the way to tell if it is the norm is to ask waiting staff themselves. I've been a waitress in a few different restaurants and it was the norm to tip. Those who didn't were very few and far between and obviously on this thread trying to make out tipping isn't the norm.

Maybe you just gave consistently good service Bamba?

Tipping in general, from coffee shops to michelin starred restaurants isn't the norm amongst my friends and family, though at the high end establishments it's more common, regardless of service quality. I also think it's more common with big group situations.

eve in Salt Lake City xh and I got chased by a waiter as we left our hotel restaurant for not leaving enough tip. I think it was about $1.50 short of the accepted amount as we had no cash left to pay. Also the service he gave was shite so not only did I resent having to leave anything in the first place, I doubly resented being told off about it! His manager overhead him doing it and I think he got told off.

I also got told off in Quebec City for trying to leave copper, even though I was trying to make up the correct amount. I was 19 though and unaware of the correct tipping etiquette

Oh and DH is Dutch and almost never tips. I've yet to see tipping as a regular thing here.

Not RTFT but this is a genuine question. I'm going to Florida in July and it's the first time I'll have been there in 22 years. I remember the last time having to tip absolutely everyone, even to the point of leaving 5 dollars a day in the room for the maid. I'll be honest, it annoyed me but I just went with the flow.

Was really annoyed at the end of our holiday though when a courtesy bus drove us to the airport. DH had about 10 dollars worth of change in his pocket and gave it to the driver (bear in mind this was 22 YEARS ago, so 10 dollars was worth a bit more and the drive had taken approximately 15 minutes). The driver, very rudely, said "I couldn't make a phone call with that buddy". My DH took the money back off him and said "there was 10 bucks there...most other people have given you 5, now I'm not giving you anything".

Anyway, back to my "question"...is it like LEGALLY BINDING that you have to leave a tip in the US, even if the service has been lacklustre or downright stinky? If you weren't planning on returning to the restaurant what difference does it make if you DON'T leave a tip? Would they run after you demanding 20%?

Yes finnbarr they would run after you - as I said, they did me in a buffet restaurant. It was quite upsetting actually.

Some parts of america like the amish area you cant leave a tip but this was written in the menu. Something like its been a pleasure to service you please do not leave a tip as that would insult our religion. It was the best service as well. Around 'bird in the hand' and 'intercourse'. It was refreshing but it was the one place i did want to tip.

A school friend of mine is English and has lived in Australia for a very long time and has an Australian husband.

Apparently Australians don't tip. Though I also know an Australian who says: 'When there is a problem, throw money at it until it goes away' so I don't know how true that is.

He has lived in a number of places though.

I really like my school friend but when she visits us the end of dinner is awkward. She always objects and gives us a lecture about how daft we are.

It's weirdest when we've picked up the whole bill. To my mind, her only comment should be to thank us. Anything else is rude. I'll forgive her because I like her.

Strangely, her Australian-born husband doesn't say a word. He doesn't tip but when they pay for us, he lets us get on with adding a tip.

Interesting thread. I tip almost all of the time, as does DH. I don't know anybody who doesn't actually.
What I tip depends on the service I get, but tbh, the service has to be bad for me and DH not to tip.

However, last week was the first time in ages, that DH and I decided not to leave a tip.
It was a fairly casual dining experience,- ask restaurant which we had some vouchers for.

The service left a lot to be desired! Waitress brought my white wine with ice in it!!
She then brought the wrong mains, and spilled water over me as she was putting the jug down on the table(we had to ask for the jug of water three times)
We didn't complain at all, but she knew we weren't happy.

We did get one of our desserts free as an apology though.
We didn't leave a tip.
I tip hairdressers sometimes, but finding it more and more expensive to have my hair cut, so not sure I'm going to be doing this for much longer.
I don't tip taxi drivers. It wouldn't occur to me to do so. I would just round up the change.

Limited... Firstly, how do you know what a) other customers are leaving by way of tips and b) that they're getting less of a service than you? Is it possible that they're just not as expectant of obsequiousness and actually go there to just to eat and socialise without paying undue attention to other diners or waiting staff?

I don't know how you can answer that question really because unless you are there to do some kind of formal study on a restaurant then you really wouldn't know, would you?

I'll give an example of what is poor service as far as I'm concerned. Frankie & Benny's (my mum likes American-style diners). Fawning and sycophantic reception from a man in about his early 30s who grabbed my arm, called us 'girls' and kept referring to us as this even though my mum said she hadn't been a 'girl' for years and didn't like it.

Waiter then wrote down the order, delivered the wrong things and tried to bluff it with more 'nevermind girls, can I get you another drink from the bar?'. Kept then popping back several times during the meal to ask the same question whether it was alright - I said we're fine now, thank you. I expected him to go away. He hovered around with dessert menus and we declined.

After the meal I went to pay. It was £47 something - I gave £50 and walked out vowing never to return.

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Scenario 2: Lunch at TGIs. I asked for something off menu, waiter went to see if chef could make it - he could, he did, I enjoyed - £20 meal with drink - tipped £10 very happily.

Some people are just very, very bad at picking up social cues or any cues. They wouldn't behave the way they do if they could.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I've given a few anecdotes on this thread that makes me think that tipping works.

I realise the MN adage that anecdotes are not anecdata. But I find them useful.

That is no excuse for poor service and I have not said that. Neither do I believe that I've insulted people who don't tip. If I have, point it out and I'll apologise.

But get real. Tipping helps you get a table at short notice or a cab on a busy night the next time you go. It goes without saying that it should go hand-in-hand with politeness to staff.

I don't expect obsequiousness from anyone. In fact, it embarrasses me. So I don't understand why you've brought that up in relation to my posts.

However, neither do I understand people saying they only tip for exceptional service.

I asked what that was. One poster responded saying that they expected the waiter to know the menu inside out and be nice to her children. I don't regard this as exceptional, yet I'd still tip all other things being equal.

Maybe we're going to different places but I can't for the life of me understand why you'd return to a place where the staff were clueless and rude.

It very rarely happens to me and when it does I've told the manager.

Anecdote v Anecdata Lying.

I remember two very upmarket restaurants in New York City.

In one, the greeter complimented me on my perfume which made me paranoid that I'd put too much on.

In the second, the manager made things really uncomfortable by barking at the waiters in front of me for not straightening the chairs of vacated tables. He smiled at me as if he was doing his job properly. Maybe he was in the Manhattan culture but in mine he wasn't and spoiled the dinner.

I tipped because the service was adequate and I realised that the greeter had probably been told to find a compliment, any compliment, and the waiters were just too fucking busy serving rather than getting out a ruler.